Good Morning and welcome to HealingWell,
I have been right where you are and I still go there from time to time.
To a certain extent its healthy to analyse something that went wrong and to learn a lesson from it. But to dwell on things like this sounds awful for you.
I did go to a therapist once who suggested that if you can't fill up your list visualise nice or even funny things happening to you - something that will make you giggle, do that before you go to sleep!
Just wanted to say hugs and sounds like Karen and other members have some good advice there, I'd certainly follow it.
" Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! " - Hamilton Wright Mabie