I Dont Think I Will Ever Be Me

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 12/18/2010 2:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi all~
sorry I havent posted lately, the depression I am experiencing is horrendous.  There has been one result that I received and it was from the neuro-psych doctor.  He feels certain that the depression that is haunting me now is the reason for the memory loss and confusion that has been going on.  He notes that at some point I have suffered a traumatic event in my life that I have not come to terms with and he suggested psychotherapy!!!!  Can you  believe it?  All the thousands of dollars and time and the conclusion is a traumatic event that I am not dealing with.   OK, yea.  As far as the blood tests, they all have been strangly normal with no explanation for the abnormal results every now and then.  My neuro doc actually took me off my ritalin because it is still not showing in my blood.  I have complained about this for over 3 years and finally someone is paying attention to me because she could lose her license to practice because my report reads as if I have never taken ritalin at all.  Where do I go now!? 
 
Well I hope everyone has a good holiday, I will just be glad when it is over.  I dont think I have ever been so tired and depressed with every aspect in my life.  Thank God I have you guys.
 
 

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/18/2010 8:11:32 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 12/18/2010 11:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Teresa,

How do you feel about the psychotherapy? I have been and it isn't much different than regular counseling to me. I am seeing a psychologist now. I think that they can go deeper though and that is good. Do you have a traumatic event that you think maybe that you haven't come to terms with yet? Do you think the psychiatrist is right? Or have you been down that road before? Sorry for all the questions.

I hope that you take the time to enjoy Christmas time. You have your son I hope. It will be a special time for the two of you no matter what. It is coming fast, that is for sure.

I hope that you get to feeling better sweetie. Try to keep your spirits up. Enjoy this time.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/19/2010 12:17 AM (GMT -6)   
your brain is just processing it now. am here 4 you teresa, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 12/20/2010 2:18 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks you guys~
 
GB~I hate the thought of therapy because to me that is just a bandaid that helps for a minute and then you find that you need stitches instead(ect, VNS) and I am not willing to back peddle at this point in my life.  I would rather just go day to day living like I do know because in my opinion, Nothing can help now.
 
I know what it is that keeps me from being complete and there is no person in this world that can possibly understand or yet try to give me "therapy" to "FIX" me.  I am unfixable because I deal with my losses everyday.  The only way to make them better is not even an option anymore.  So I will deal with my grief the way I have.  I dont believe in psychotherapy because I can have that with anyone that is educated such as I am without paying for it.  I guess what I am saying is this, I live with pain everyday, unfortunately it is not going to ever get better so I come to terms with it.
 
I guess I am just tired of being me.
"True love is a soul's recognition of it's counterpart in another"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 12/20/2010 3:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Things are going to get better for you Teresa. Maybe you need to lower your expectations in a way that you wont feel the disappointment of day to day living. Learn to appreciate little things in life. That is what I have done and it helps me. Just the sunshine today has made my day. I don't expect to feel good all the time, I really wish that there was something to make you happy. I wish that you could feel fullfilled with just the meaning of life. You are such a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy. Have you thought about church? Many people find happiness there. I hope that there is something for you. You really deserve a break. Keep trying, and keep posting when you can. Think of your little boy and how much pleasure you two have when you are together. I am sure that the thought of that will brighten up your day. Keep in touch.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/20/2010 4:48 PM (GMT -6)   
ONE DAY AT A TIME SWEETIE. JAMIE
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 12/27/2010 1:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanx you guys for the posts~
 
I truly do appreciate what everyone is saying to me and realize that only a few of you are familiar with me and my depression.  Not to "beat a dead horse" but my depression has pretty much swallowed me whole.  I look at it this way.......if I am getting disability for being "sad"  I must be really sick.  Believe me, I wake up every day hoping that I will feel better from that time on.  I realize that we all suffer loss and grief.  I also know that there are others that are not as fortunate as myself and suffer far worse things in life.  When you look at the scheme of things in one's life, is one's sufferage really worse than others or is it the context in which we suffer?
 
I know once again I am rambling but it keeps my mind busy and I think less about what is going on every minute of every day.  I can tell that life is taking its toll as well when I look at pics of me over the holidays.  I look so sad and there is no light in my eyes.  My daughter's facebook has a couple and I am saddened by the way I look.  Oh well, its back home now I finally was able to use the computer at the library because the holidays are over and they are finally open.
 
Im sorry that I am such a downer but I would be lying if I did anything different.
"True love is a soul's recognition of it's counterpart in another"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 12/27/2010 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Teresa,

I didn't realize you had a daughter. How old is she? Your children must bring you some happiness. I am sure. I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas. I got to see the grandchildren so that was fun.

Take care Teresa. Keep posting when you can. You know we all love you here.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 12/28/2010 9:37 PM (GMT -6)   
They do bring me so much joy!!!!
"True love is a soul's recognition of it's counterpart in another"

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/28/2010 11:45 PM (GMT -6)   
like horses 2. been awhile since i have riden. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, September 18, 2018 8:03 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,004,460 posts in 329,148 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161739 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, pinky;spoorback.
252 Guest(s), 7 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
OzLyme, logoslidat, Admin, FamilyGuy, CatskillsMelanie, straydog, Buddy Blank