cant stand being alone anymore (deployment)

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armywife417
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/20/2010 1:47 AM (GMT -6)   
i dont even know where to start.... my husband deployed for the first time in october. The first 2 months went by fast when was in the states but now that he is overseas depression has hit me like crazy. I miss him so much and we dont get to see eachother online anymore. It's like a whole part of me is missing and its so hard to go on and live my life without him. I cry all the time... and get angry so fast. I'm scared... I dont wanna ever be alone either. Im scared of so many things. People always tell me if ur ever worried just put it in Gods hands... but what if Gods plan was for him to go over there and have something happen to him. We have a 2 yr old daughter, its rly hard taking care of her by myself. and she is in the stage of her life that they call the terrible twos and its getting rly hard for me to handle it. i am trying to stay strong for his family and my daughter but no one rly knows how this is really affecting me. I dont wanna be alone anymore. Sometimes I cant even remember what its like to have him home. i cant remember his laugh... its just hard to remember him and our memories we had before he had to leave. we been married for only 8 months. together for 3 yrs.  but he was gone for training alot during the 8 months we were married. all the memories we have had are blurry and my whole life just feels like its crushing down all around me. sad
 ~signed : sick of the army wife life

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/20/2010 2:16 AM (GMT -6)   
AW417. FIRSTLY WELCOME. SORRY FOR WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU. PLS SEEK SOME HELP 4 YOU. MAYBE A CAREER CHANGE FOR HUBBY IS NEEDED. ESP WITH A YOUNG ONE. SENDING MY HEALING PRAYERS YOUR WAY. WITH COMPASSION, JAMIE
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/20/2010 9:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh sweetie, bless your heart.This is a difficult time.
Would it help you to know that there are thousands of others just like you in our country?
 
Please don't beat yourself up for crying or missing your husband. You're a normal healthy woman who is feeling very lost and alone right now.  Are you sure it is better not to talk with him on the Internet as that must make you both feel like you are even more alone when you don't communicate ? 
 
This is a hard thing you're going through...cut yourself some slack. Is there military wives club available in your area? 
 
Also see you physician if things get out of hand for you as perhaps some therapy would help you learn how to deal with the depression you are feeling. 
 
Here is a link to the The Wives Club Supporting Military Wives online:
 
This is not just for navy wives.
 
Blessings,
 
Kitt
 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 12/20/2010 10:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Just want you to know that your husband is doing a wonderful service for our country. I am sorry that you feel so alone. Please to check out the sites offered you. It may help you.

KNow that we are all here for you. Keep posting, it really does help to have an online family.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 12/20/2010 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   
There is a reason why zoloft is often jokingly refered to as the military wife vit. It might be helpful to contact the Army Community Services in particular family advocacy, about finding help for watching your child (because there is nothing wrong with getting a break from child care responbilities) and getting some services for yourself. There is also new parent support programs that go up to the age of three.
Do you work outside the home? The only reason I ask is I would like to know your anchor points are to where you are located. Are you near your family? Would it be helpful to go stay with them during this point in time?
You can also check online for marriedtothearmy.com and armywifenetwork.com, also military.com has some resources.
I can understand if you do not want to go into the military behavior health stuff, but there is an online portal on your local post's website if you would like to do it.  Do not be discouraged by the 3-6 month wait time.  But if nothing else you can talk with the Chap's office and that is very private, even if you are not of the faith of the person you are talking with.  Sometimes they can even advocate for you to see a specialist earilier.
There are usually also outside support community resources.
 
Another thing as you spoke about blurry memories (you have to think of memories in context) I would suggest is that you might want to send your husband those books that record from hallmark.  Or if you can get a small recorder and send some children's books (if money is an issue you can usually pick these up for about a dollar or two at used book stores) for him to read to your daughter.  Video might be helpful, but it is more expensive.
 
I know what it is to go six months without speaking to your significant other as a dual service couple (I was Navy, he was Army).  There is help out there and you are not alone.
If 417 refering to lost in the woods, let me know I might know some points of contact for you (if they are still there, I need to facebook them to see if they are still there).  I am also on massive amounts of morphine right now, so there might be a time delay.
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 12/20/2010 11:11:24 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 12/20/2010 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   
MMMNavy,

Thank you for posting information for the member. That is really appreciated.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/20/2010 4:50 PM (GMT -6)   
GOOD WORK GUYS. 417. SEEK THE SUPPORT SUGGESTED. WITH HEALINH COMPASSION, JAMIE
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

armywife417
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/21/2010 12:39 AM (GMT -6)   
mmmnavy, the number 417 is actually for april 17th. that is when we got married. im not sure exactly what lost in the woods means. I am actually currently on zoloft. the doctor has increased it twice already. The closest place to where I am located for support that i know of is like 2 hrs or more away. I dont know of anything around here. I'm so new to this army stuff that I have no idea how to get help of any kind. I have considered looking in to theapy but i'm just afraid that they will look at me as just another army wife and wont really understand my issues and think i am just like the rest of them. which I am sure I am in someways... but everyone is different. I do work outside of the home. in fact today i went into the Director of Nursings' office and requested my hours to be cut back because it has all just been too much for me to handle at the time. Thank you all for the different web sites that u shared. i will be looking into them as soon as I finally get a day off from work. ITS GENETIC: I really do not know if I live next to any kind of base. I only know the building that he went to sign papers to join the army. that is 25 mins away but i go to the town very often considering the small town i am in does not offer much of a choice for what we need/want.

I also want to thank anyone who prayed for me. Finances have been a huge issue. we are only 19 and 21 and married with a kid. debt was so hard but we having been trying to get rid of that issue. im not exactly sure if it was the prayers (but im sure it was) but I got a very large pay check to which we are not use to considering I just started this new job right as he left for deployment... and also recieved a check in the mail with a large amount of money from a bank. they called it the we care program. This has taken a large load off of my shoulders. and I thank u again for the prayers and all of the advice. and I would love to hear more from all of you. I apprecitate u all.
~*army wife417*
~*Lonely Army Wife*~

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 12/21/2010 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
417 is the area code that is associated with Fort Leonard Wood (hence lost in the woods)
It would be helpful to know where you are basically located (my email address is on my profile if you do not want to share it publicly). I am located within a half hour of one post in Kansas and 2 hours from another.
It would also be helpful to know if he is Active Duty, Reserve, or National Guard. Because the lack of support you have is very concerning to me, and the only thing I can think of is that is a strong part of the issue is that you have not had orientation to the Army life (so you do not have as much access to care).
There is nothing wrong doing therapy, but it helps to find someone (therapist) who understands the military life. You should be able to use tricare. Given that you said you are not on a post, base, or camp I wonder if it might be benefical to at least get an orientation to the army life, there are on post ones, but this is one I found online.
There is a tutorial box on the right side, but I wish it was more comprehensive.
You should be getting housing assistance, PX/Affee's online shopping privileges (so no taxes), tricare, there is so much more. 
My primary questions start with do you and your daughter have a military dependent ID cards?   These are just as important as your social security cards.
I will write more later with more info.
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 12/21/2010 9:55:06 AM (GMT-7)


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 12/22/2010 5:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I have to admit when mail call comes and there is a letter for you it is wonderful.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 12/22/2010 3:34:20 PM (GMT-7)

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