I hate who I have become.

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confused!
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/20/2010 5:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I am 21. I have a kid. I go to school. I also have a boyfriend that I have had off and on for the past three years. I also work. I am just lost and don't really know where to go or what to do anymore. I feel like I am trapped. Don't get me wrong I love my child. Three years ago my boyfriend told me he would break up with me if I went to college...and dumb me listened to him..I feel like i am missing out on so much. I am not even sure I want to be with him anymore. He disrespects me, i do everything! He degrades my family and I hate it and have told him on several ocassions that I can't stand him saying stuff like that but still he does it.

I have no idea where I wanna be, what I want to do, or even if I want to stay with my boyfriend. I was a completely different person in high school and now I am not that person anymore. I hate who I have become. I don't want to be this person. I have given up so much for my son and boyfriend and he doesn't appreciate any of it. I just honestly don't know what to do anyone....Someone help!!!!

I have been on depression medicine before then my boyfriend throws a fit and says there is nothing wrong with me. I just can't win.
 
<Edit>  I gave your thread a title.
 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 12/20/2010 5:12:37 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/20/2010 6:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome to HealingWell,
 
I am sorry things have turned out this way and I would kindly like to suggest you take back you life and move on from this man.  A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or verbally abusive behavior.
 
Qualities like kindness and respect are an absolute requirement for a healthy relationship. When these qualities do not exist it is likely that your relationship is unhealthy. It's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.
 
Take control of the reins and get yourself a new life.

It's hard to make the first step, the world is big and looks intimidating but You will get a new life, A good life  and your personaility and Take control of the reins and get yourself a new life. There is a great light, a big ray of sunshine out there with your name written through it, life is what you allow it to be.....you can make changes.

Gentle Hugs to you,

Kitt

 

 


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42289
   Posted 12/20/2010 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Kitt sweetie, just think maybe you could go back to college. You deserve that oppertunity.

Keep posting and know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen

PS I did the same thing. I gave up a scholarship.
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

confused!
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/21/2010 10:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you. I am actually doin online classes for college right now. It is just that I use to be a person that had so much confidence and now I have gotten so confertable with being where I am its scary to think of being any other place. I had lots of friends I got out all the time I use to be so fun and now I don't feel and eighth of what I use to be. It feels like if I leave my Boyfriend that I will be taking something away from my son. Something I never had. Something I always wanted him to know. I want my son to know what a good relationship is but I am not sure that I set an example with the one I am in now.
 
I hate it when he and I argue I do love him, but at this point I am holding on more for Isaac then myself and I am not sure if I am IN love with him anymore. I hope nobody judges me for the next thing I am about say because it is kind of hard to explain and could be perseved wrong. I have been talking to someone that use to be an old flame per say and talk is all it has been. This kind of gets me thinking of what other things are out there and how i really dont want to limit myself to "this". This town, this guy, this life, only the opportunities within a 50 mile radius. I am so tired of being limited. The old flame and I never really gave it a chance. He went through great lengths to find me after three years of not talking and not knowing where I was. He just knew my name and he found me! That makes me feel so special that someone would go that far to find me. He says things that are so right and at the right time. Things that my boyfriend no longer does and refuses to do.
 
Before I met my boyfriend, I was independant, I was head strong, I was everything I wanted to be and I loved my personality. Slowly but surely the person and qualities I loved about myself dissappeared. I find myself in routine and I hate it. I never wanted to be the girl who had to depend on anyone, I could do it by myself and if I couldnt then I would wait to obtain that thing until I could do it on my own. I had dreams and had the world at my finger tips and I was ready to go and taste the worlds colors. Now I am stuck. Stuck here. Feeling like this. It drives me absolutely crazy.
 
I use to say I loved him to whoever asked if I was in love. Now it almost makes me sick to even say those words. Whenever he says things that irritate me or degrades me it makes me become a hateful person. He says things about my family and I really hate that and I hate who he makes me become because I yell and say things that I never wanted to say. I am a say it like it is kind of girl and if some people cant handle that then they shouldnt be around me. That is how I always have been and now I barely even say anything.
 
I just dont know how much more I can take. It is this or the sanity of me and my son. My son is my world and I would never take my son away from his father. I am not that kind of person, but its a I wish I could have the Baby without the Baby's Daddy kind of deal.
 
I am 21 years old. I should not be feeling this way. Nobody should feel this way. I just don't know what to do anymore.
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42289
   Posted 12/21/2010 11:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Are you going to any counseling? Do you take any meds? It might be time for you to make a doctor's appointment and get hooked up with some help.

Keep us posted. I don't know what to say about your situation. Except that you don't deserve to be treated the way that your boyfriend treats you. Only you can change that. Maybe distance yourself for a while. You need some self esteem, and counseling can help you there and give you some support.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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