I hope this will give hope to those of you still in the thick of your depression. I suffered since my late teens, but thought it was just "me". After marriage (poor husband!) and 4 children, I was 95 lbs on a 5'6" frame. Part of my self punishment. When I realized I was on the threshold of anorexia, the will to be strong for my kids took over, and I fought it. Only to be faced then with suicidal thoughts (a car crash sounded good) Again the will to live, due to my kids saved me, as I did finally go for help in those darkest days. I tried zoloft, without much success, and gave up on them. Alone again. When the suicidal impulses returned, on a serious level, about 8 years later, I again went for help. This time with Effexor. This brought me out of it, and I was able to view life from the "normal" side. I read a line in a book which read "depression is rage denied" It hit me that I had a lot of anger, to just about every aspect of my life. I know confront these, though still not out loud, and deal with them in a new way. Just being aware helps. It takes a monumental effort. But it seems to be keeping me together. Good luck every one, I hope you find where it comes from and defeat it! PS, I am still married, and whereas my husband acknowledges my depression, he doesn't "get" it.