i felt like posting this letter to my best friend here... this site clears my mind and helps me vent something i've needed to do for quite a while, im not really good at expressing my emotions this is the only way i can say all i want to say and feel somewhat better <3
my best friend , my brother, my angel,
i miss you alot all of the time, and i don't want you to think that i have forgotten about
you because as we both know that will never be the case, i just suppress my emotions alot recently ive been feeling nostalgic more so than the usual, i feel like im not being the person you want me to be, im not happy, im going insane it feels like, i feel like being far away from everything and everyone, and i know i shouldnt feel this way but i can't control it, you know i try, really hard to just be okay, to just take it one day at a time, but its hard and each day its getting harder, i feel like without my medication im not "normal", this friday im getting my new medication, lexapro since you know zoloft the first medication ive taken for my emotional problems made me sick, im glad that i wont feel like i do now by friday, but i feel like i failed you since i have to take medication to actually survive, that i couldnt do it on my own, you know i was born this way, that i had no choice but i still feel like i failed you i really need you to keep on holding my hand, to never stop being there for me, and honestly it scares me that you'll just give up on me, and that'll hurt just as much as it does losing you, even though i know you're still here and always will be, i really dont like talking about
you even now i cry alot whenever youre brought up, i dont like people mentioning you, it bothers me and i dont know why, it just does, i feel a huge ache in my gut and pain i cant even describe, it feel like the air was knocked out of me, i cant breathe, whenever youre mentioned, i feel hopeless, like i didnt take advantage of the time i couldve been spending with you while you were still here, i feel like god gave me so many opportunities to do so but i just took them for granted, and im sorry.
i love you more than i love myself.
and i wouldnt be who youre helping me become if you didnt love me just the same.
you mean the world to me and beyond.
i promise ill try harder for you and for myself, i promise.
thank you for believing in me more than i believe in myself .
Merry Christmas, i love you more than words can even express.
Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 12/24/2010 2:33:56 PM (GMT-7)