not much of a christmas

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why001
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/29/2010 12:56 AM (GMT -6)   
i believe i am depressed. i dont know how to go about talking about this but my mother died december 9th and i have been able to put up a strong front for my sister and dad but i dont know if i can do it anymore. i dont know how to bring this up to my dad because i know he expects me to be strong but how am i supposed to be strong when my support system and my best friend has left me?
If you guys have any suggestions on how i can maybe make it through this it would be greatly appreiciated.

whitebutterfly
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 111
   Posted 12/29/2010 5:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi why001,

Warm welcome to HW depression forum.

I am so sorry for your loss of your mum. I know it will be a hard time for you right now and it is understandable that you will feel depressed. I've lost a few family members in the past and it was hard for me to take it in too but please let me tell you this, your mum isnt gone in spirit. She is there with you in your heart and soul and the memory of her will never fade. Try and hold onto the good memories you hold of her :-) and smile. Know that she is smiling down on you for being such a brave person. Bet she's really proud of you for being strong :-) but try and shed some tears too, its only natural that you do otherwise you will be holding it too much and it will get worse. Talk to your dad sweetie. He will understand all the more. You are all going through an upsetting period and you all need each other. Talk to him :-)

Also is it possible that you could talk to your doctor about your feelings? Maybe it will help talking to a counsellor and let your grief out healthily. Just know that we are here for you too. Talk whenever you need to.

love and hugs, arielle.
fly like a butterfly. free and happy. :-D

attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, PTSD, bipolar disorder, over active thyroid.

Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 12/29/2010 8:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry for your loss. its a tough situation and i think we generally think of being "strong" as shutting down emotionally. This is just my opinion but this is no time to turn off your emotions. Chances are that all of your family is feeling the same way and need to let some of it out. I think the strongest thing you can do is sit everyone down and express your emotions to them. Being strong shouldn't be pretending that nothing happened it should be helping your family express and sort through the emotions and figuring out how to live with the emotions.

we're here for you. Hugs

-geo

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 12/29/2010 9:32 AM (GMT -6)   
We all grieve differently and some of us take longer than others. Being you lost your mom in September, it hasn't been that long. I highly suggest you try grief counseling. You will be around others who are going through the same as you and have support though this. Know that there is nothing wrong with grieving and feeling sad. We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

why001
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/29/2010 9:36 PM (GMT -6)   
thankyou guys i will definatly need your support at this time in my life..

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 1/1/2011 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sweetie. I am very sorry about the loss of your mother. I have not lost my parents yet, and I am in my 40's. So, I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. However, I am a mom of 2 girls and if something ever happened to me I would not want them feeling that they had to keep everything inside and feeling alone. I agree with Karen and the others that you need to try to talk to your family members. Or perhaps you have a guidance counselor at school or a religious mentor. Also, as we do not know if this was sudden or a long illness, was Hospice involved? I know they also offer family support services after the death of a loved one.

Last, I know that each person deals with grief in their own way. One way I had dealt with grief or hard times was to keep a diary and write. A former therapist once told me that writing takes the pain from your heart and transfers it to paper. I'm sure this will not be a total solution but maybe it might make it more bearable for you.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Please know that you can always come here and post with us too. We are a loving and caring family here and your thoughts and feelings will always be respected.

Cass

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 1/2/2011 6:37 PM (GMT -6)   
W-
I see you've already gotten some very sage advice. Know that it is normal & "healthy" to feel very sad when a loved one dies. It means you are able to form bonds with other people.
I maybe disagree a bit about seeing a doctor so early on. This just happened. Give yourself permission to feel sad & to cry. Talk about your feelings with others. Share memories about the good times you had with your mom (pics, videos, stories, etc.) with caring friends or family. Know that it's okay to laugh and smile about those memories and it's also okay to cry if you feel sad that you won't be able to make any more. Don't shut yourself off from the world. Be real with other people about how you are feeling & what you are going through.
I don't know your family in particular, but in most families children think they need to be strong for their parents or younger sibs. The reality is that it is healthier to take some time to talk with one another since grieving otherwise can be very isolating. No one else truly knows what you or your sister or your dad are going through except the three of you. When one of my best friend's mom died our freshman year in high school she tried so hard to keep it all in & be strong for her family. It ended up eating her up inside & she landed in a psych facility. The upside was that her family came to counseling with her and they all felt better after talking about how very sad and lonely they were all feeling. They made a point to schedule times to remember her mom after that & were all less depressed because of that.
If you try to get your family to talk (which I know is a lot to ask & itself takes a huge amount of strength) about things & they just completely refuse, I strongly recommend finding a grief support group for a little while. I'm not sure of your age, but there are special groups for teens if you are younger. You can talk to a teacher or school counselor or someone at church/temple (if you attend) about how you can find meetings in your area. If you're older, you can consult with the funeral home, hospital or a place of worship. Many people find it helpful to attend a few of the grief support meetings around the time their loved one passed and then rely mainly on family and friends until holidays or anniversaries where they may need additional support. There are on-line grief support groups (I can suggest a few if needed) but the live ones really are much more comforting, especially during the first year.

Know, though, that no matter what your feelings are totally normal at this time & that as long as you aren't cutting yourself off from people, school or work, those feelings will lessen a bit over time and can be replaced by the good memories of all the years you shared together with your mom. It sounds like you had a very close relationship, that she really was a good listener, & that she must have done a lot of things for you to show you how much she loved you. Try to remember some of those things you used to do together & maybe do one of those activities now in her honor (e.g., if you had a favorite movie, invite a close friend over to watch it with you and talk about your favorite lines).

And know you are always welcome to post here any time.

take care,
frances
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