hi again my friends <3

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 1/3/2011 6:10 PM (GMT -6)   
so i have officially stopped being friends with everyone who at one point was close to me, i know that its not a good thing but i'm afraid to let anyone get close to me, i can't be close to anyone, i also feel like i make so many mistakes, i lash out too much i just feel like i'm useless, like i'm not who i used to be which was almost as bad but now its gotten even worse, grieving a loved ones death on top of everything has really continued to mess me up even more than what i was already, i dont want to feel this way ,I've given up, something i haven't done in a year almost, i thought i was okay, but i'm not. i will be seeing my psychiatrist in 3 days, maybe he can help me, because i really need it, the 2 medications he prescribed were too harsh on my body, anti depressants didn't heal the pain, or help heal it for that matter, sometimes i feel like maybe the fact that i took anti depressants might've made me more insane, but i'm just telling myself that, I've always been this way, as I've stated in my previous post's , i just feel like , i need to be happy but i can't force myself to be because that just makes me feel worse i feel like i'm not the daughter my mom deserves, i feel like i need to stop being so hard on myself but it is easier said than done.

thanks for listening to me, and for giving me advice whenever i need it <3

take care <3

Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 1/3/2011 4:47:48 PM (GMT-7)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/3/2011 6:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry to read that things have gotten worse for you instead of better. 

Keep hanging on and turn those thoughts around.  You are not useless, you were a good to your friend and you mourn this person very much. 

The loss of a significant loved one such as your best friend  throws our entire world upside down, creating what feels like a crater- sized hole in our heart, that we often believe will never be filled again. I hope you  know that grieving is a good thing and you will work through it in your own time.

Try not to beat yourself up by thinking you make  so many mistakes.   I would bet that your Mother does not conider you a bad daughter.  

For some reason which you may never know your life has come apart at the seems and the flood of emotions are be very difficult for you to deal with. 

Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 1/3/2011 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   
You definately are being too hard on yourself and are thinking in terms of all or nothing. There is a happy medium. You don't have to say you are ending your friendships, just take a break for awhile. I stay to myself a lot. There is nothing wrong with that. But I do have good friends. Some are internet, some are real life friends. But I don't see them all the time, but as long as we know we are friends, that is all that matters. So just take a break for awhile and see them when you are ready.

Many of us don't get the right meds at first. It takes awhile and a few changes to get it narrowed down to what it is that you need. So be patient with that. Things aren't as bad as they seem, you are having a hard time and I am sorry about that. But it will get better. Keep on trying. And make a list of what to tell the doc when you see him. Write everything down that you are experiencing. That will help him to help you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 1/3/2011 7:35 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you both so much for the amazing advice <3

that's why i am thankful for this site, there is always someone who will listen to me and give me the advice i need <3

i really do try to stay upbeat and relax, take time for myself, and just meditate.

but i can't control my emotions, or what i say, i don't mean to be the way i am, i was born this way <3
i was born with adhd and depression along with all the symptoms , but i'm trying to make it through one step at a time.

"I am with you always... even until the end of the world."

-- Matthew 28:20

Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 1/3/2011 5:41:30 PM (GMT-7)

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