I don't know what to do

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/5/2011 11:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I've always had issues with stress and panic attacks. However, over the years I've managed to keep them under control mainly through routine and diet and going to the gym etc. Those are just things that worked for me as I'm sure everyone's different.

I was with my girlfriend for about a year and a half and everything was going well. We didn't get to see each other as often as we liked because she has a sick relative she takes care of, as well as some health issues herself. But that's just life and we take it as we go and enjoy ourselves. One week we're supposed to hang out and she stands me up. nothing until a text message couple days later explaining her phone broke. That's fine, its a little annoying to have happen, but it does happen. Then we make plans for the next week, she stands me up again. I haven't heard anything from her since.

This was 2 months ago. I am losing my mind. She won't respond to texts, emails, phone calls, FB messages, anything. Her friend just simply tells me she doesn't know whats going on between us. I had heard that her family member was in the hospital, but that was it. We're in our early 30s, just cutting someone off you've been with almost 2 years is something you do when you're like 14.

So now I can barely function. I have to do my job, but I can barely hold it together for that anymore. I wake up at night having panic attacks, getting sick. I started having panic attacks at work. There's no closure and it doesn't look like there's going to be. I worry if she's ok, I worry about her family member, what if she's in the hospital too, or what if I did something, what if she started hating me so much I dont even get a break up call, am I that worthless - those things are constantly in my head. If she wanted to take a few weeks off that's fine, just tell me. I even asked her to let me know with a simple 'yes' that she's ok, nothing. Although we haven't dated long, we talked on an almost daily basis for about 10 years of friendship. More than anything I want my friend back.

I get home from work and I just lose it from trying to keep it together and be professional all day. All I want to do is sleep, then I wake up with these panic attacks, my mind just races all day it seems. I eat only a little bit of food, because I know I have to, but really haven't had any interest in it. I'm worried because its 2 months now and I don't see it getting better anytime soon. I just feel so useless that someone can just throw me away like that.

I'd never hurt myself just because I'd never want to but my parents through that, so that's not an issue. Also, all of this came right on the heels of dealing with the loss of a good friend that passed away. I was just starting to do better with that and this happened. I feel like I can't tell my friends about it because of how embarrassing it is, so I make up stupid lies to tell them like "we're taking a break" or "we decided it didn't work out" which kills me each time I have to put on that face like everything's ok.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just... I don't know I just can't get myself together.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 1/5/2011 11:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Unsure,

I think you know the answer to this and that is to move on. It sounds like she wanted to break up and didn't know how. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. It was just her feelings. I know that this is hard to accept, and it seems hopeless right now, but things will change and you will meet somebody new. You may not want that right now, you may want your friend back, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.

Some of us have many relationships thoughout our lives, and some don't. The fact is that not all of them last. I don't know the reason that she broke contact with you, it could be something on her end. And I do agree it was not fair of her just to quit contact, but she must of had a reason. Even if it was that she just didn't know what to say. Or the fear of talking to you might change her mind. Whatever it was, I am sure it wasn't something that you did. I think this lies upon her and a decision that she made. Either way, I am sorry that you are going through this.

Are you seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist? I recommend seeing a counselor to get your life back in order. They are a huge support and good at givnig a person direction in life. I am sure the death of your good friend has added to this. You need to grieve the loss. And do it however way works for you. There is no right or wrong where grieving is concerned and no time limit on it. You may even want to write this all down. That often helps me to sort things out. You are going through a lot right now, so be easy on yourself through this.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen...

PS Welcome to the forum!
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 1/5/2011 11:41 AM (GMT -6)   
It's hard to accept this fact...your girlfriend's cruel behavior is her cowardice and fear of telling you it's over.
Yes...she is acting like a 14 year old. You are not the problem...you did nothing to provoke her actions. Please
stop blaming yourself. Maybe you didn't know her as well as you thought you did. Sometimes we put people on
pedestals and ignore the 'red flags' they demonstrate.

Ask yourself...do I really want to be with someone who is so callous and lacking in empathy that she ends a 2 year
relationship this way?

It's hard to let go but life is difficult at times. It will get better. Wonderful occurrences come out of
the worst things that happen to us. You will get through this. I would certainly suggest councelling. Keep posting
here to process your feelings. Once you share something...the agony is halved.

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/5/2011 12:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much. The stress I believe is just by compounded by having seemingly no one to go to. And you're right, maybe I just needed to hear that from someone that she just wanted to leave and did it in a terrible way.

I have no problem if she wanted to break up. If she wasn't happy or whatever, the main issue I believe that is causing the stress/depression is not having any closure. And with that, the mind will run in some pretty drastic directions.

You're right, I think I just have to accept that its over. At least that's something.

I've struggled with depression before, but I think the combination of things made it rear its ugly head again. I've never been to counseling, but I think you're right. Maybe just having someone to share with the way that I feel and help come up with some kind of direction would help a lot.

Thank you both so much.
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