I know that a certain depression can follow/be associated with the holiday season, but I think there's something seriously wrong with me. I quit graduate school a week after I started last semester, and plan to go back this semester (which starts in a week). The only problem is, I have *no* motivation. I don't mean no motivation like "I'll do it later" or "I don't want to do it, but I will and it'll get done" no motivation, I mean I literally can't make myself do anything. I've barely gotten out of bed in these recent days, except to go to a doctor's appointment (for the body, not the mind). I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist next Tuesday, and school starts on Wednesday. I'm not excited about classes, and I just feel so weird.
When I started school 5 1/2 years ago (it really doesn't seem like it's been that long), I moved out of state, got my act together, was successful-ish at school, etc. Why can't I do that now?! I was depressed then, too. Will I snap out of this? I feel bad 24/7, I want to just sleep through my life. I never knew it could be this bad. We had family come to visit over the holidays, and getting dressed every day, showering, putting on makeup, etc. felt like such an act. I felt like I was putting a ton of effort into convincing people (my competitive sister, her boyfriend) that I was feeling good, but it just made me feel worse. When I try and think of positive things, I can't. Too many negative truths are staring me in the face. On top of everything, I'm gaining weight. Yay!