because honestly you all are the only friends i have
i feel like my depression is hitting me full force
i'm not happy any more with myself or with life for that matter,
i even postponed my doctors appointment until next Friday, i don't feel like letting all my feelings out to my psychiatrist, when i'm in his office i pretend everything is fine, i'm not very good at
opening up, which in the end is only hurting me. i feel like i need to control this on my own, that my emotions are something i have to control, but i can't. i can't help feeling how i feel no matter how much i truly want to. i'm slowly pulling away from everyone that actually means something to me, sometimes i don't even feel like posting on this board because i feel like i am burdening everyone with my problems. i need to figure out what i can do to at least get better, to at least make life easier for me and those around me. i tried conversing with my cousin who i grew up with about
it today but she just shrugged, when i told her "i feel like i'm not close to our family anymore and i don't want to be i don't know why?" . but she just ignored me. my mom doesn't want to accept how hard life truly is for me, i know it hurts her, i know she feels that i will never have a normal life, and she gets frustrated with me because she wants to believe it is all in my head when in her heart she knows its not, my mom is my world but i feel like the people who once meant the world to me are becoming strangers.
i just feel like i can't fight anymore.
Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 1/7/2011 12:14:08 PM (GMT-7)