Don't know what's wrong, sometimes I have no control

Is this depression?
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No - 0.0%
1
Yes - 100.0%

 
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mupsidown
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/7/2011 6:36 PM (GMT -6)   
First let me say, I have never been to a doctor/therapist so I don't really know if what I have is depression.
But whatever I have, has been the ruin of 2 relationships, one of which is still going technically, but hanging by a thread.
They both started out the same. Great. I was fine, happy, optimistic. A good girlfriend. But then I start getting needy, desperate, overbearing, crying all the time, threatening to. The first relationship I actually, broke into his apartment in a rage by climbing up his balcony, had no control whatsoever over my actions. The thing is, deep down, I do not really want to die. This is what confuses me the most..don't depressed people actually WANT to die?
The relationship i'm in now I cry all the time, am always angry, even though he is the perfect boyfriend. I told him about the "depression" and he has been patient, but is starting to get on edge. I have threatened to, and have already.
Maybe it's not depression..maybe some sort of relationship disorder?
The thing is, these 2 boyfriends are the only ones that know about these rages. I have very little friends, and even my good friends have no idea whatsoever. I keep it to myself. The fact that I have very little friends does not help either i'm sure. Everyone I meet would describe me as the nicest person ever, always smiling, laughing (I love to laugh). But then I get home and am a complete psycho..I just have no control. I scream at the top of my lungs, hit things, throw things just if my boyfriend decides to go to a bachelor party. It's also weird that deep down I trust him 1000% but I am always threatening to if he goes out with friends, goes to a party, etc... I don't know where to turn. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't even know if I have a disease, maybe I am just a bad girlfriend?

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/7/2011 5:01:49 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 1/7/2011 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there.

I had to edit your post as we aren't allowed to discuss self harm or suicide on this forum.

It does sound like you have a mood disorder which in my opinion is a form of depression. If you go to a doctor or a psychiatrist and tell them what you told us, I am sure that they would find help for you.

Your boyfriend is very patient with you. He must see the good inside of you. Because many would think of this behavior as somewhat drastic. You need to learn to control your temper. Probably a mood stabilizer would help you.

I wish you the very best and hope that you keep posting. It took a lot on your part to share with us. I am proud of your efforts.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 1/7/2011 9:09 PM (GMT -6)   
M-
I think it is time to see a doctor. Rule out any physical cause & then see a therapist to determine what's going on. The good news is that whether it's clinical depression or some other type of mood disorder or just issues with relationships, a therapist can help.

It was a great first step to post here. I want to encourage you to follow up with your doctor & like Karen I hope you keep posting.

peace,
frances

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/7/2011 9:55 PM (GMT -6)   
in therapy and it is my life-line. with compassion, jamie. keep being brave and seek professional assistance.

SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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