I don't think I am super depressed but lately I have been having a lot of dark thoughts. I went off my generic Lexapro about 1 and a half years ago because I was frustrated with how emotionally flat I felt taking it. But now I feel like I am just casting about, can't get deeply involved in anything and certain areas of my life are sorely lacking. Something recently happened at work, and like I said, my thoughts turned really dark and I just feel very pessimistic about my future. I am upset about my health too.
Well, anyway, do you think I should avoid the medications? I am already taking seriously powerful stuff (for my arthritis). Next month I have my semiannual appointment with the family doc, who is really big on prescribing stuff for anything and everything. She always seems to think that I should try a better SSRI. The last one was prescribed by a psychiatrist, and he put me on too high of a dose, I think, and she thought it was not a good one anyway. The way she looks at me, god, I feel like, do I SEEM depressed? I think it's just a personality thing. I tend to be quiet and introverted, and she is from a family of extroverts who are all love-love and let's have a party (I used to be friends with one of her relatives). I must seem morose to her.
I am not seeing a counselor. I'm kind of annoyed with how things ended with the last counselor and sometimes they just freak me out. Like I don't want anybody getting in my space, or I start thinking they are bored or incompetent or mean or unprofessional or whatever. I have talked and talked about my life and really, right now my life is so boring I think how could I go and talk about it? All I would do is sit there and make jokes about it, that's the problem with these counselors, they have to be able to see through my silly stuff. Sometimes I want to be hypnotized or put on some truth serum because I am just so much on guard, can they really tell what the problem is.
Reactive arthritis, diagnosed 2010. Hypertension. Taking Methotrexate, Norvasc, Mobic. Former user of SSRIs and various mental health providers for anxiety, depression.