I've been down that road too with antidepressants and weight gain. I totally understand the frustration. It upset me a lot. And to make matters worse, every time I complained to my doctor about it, she just kept insisting over and over again that the meds were NOT causing the weight gain. But I knew they were. I wasn't doing anything different and I gained a whole lotta weight for absolutely no reason. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what diet I was on, or even if I starved myself, I couldn't lose the weight.
I finally got up the courage to see a different doctor and when I told her I didn't like some of the side effects of the medication I was taking, she said, "Oh, like the weight gain?" I couldn't believe my ears! She validated for me what I knew was true. However, when I asked her if I went off the meds, would I then lose the weight, she shook her head and said, "Sorry, no. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. You've gotta lose the weight the old fashioned way."
So even though going on them can make you gain weight, going off them doesn't cause you to then lose the weight. Which really sucks!
Eventually I went off the meds and some time after that I lost the weight so I can tell you that there IS hope. :)
It can be a real battle though, and occasionally there can be an underlying reason why the weight won't come off. Have you had your thyroid checked? It's a simple blood test. I would encourage you to ask you doctor about it, if for no other reason than at least you could rule it out.
Also, I was wondering if you've been evaluated for bipolar because you mentioned that you've had problems with both depression and rage and that antidepressants haven't helped. My best friend is bipolar so I'm pretty familiar with it. Taking antidepressants alone to treat bipolar isn't likely to help. A mood stablizer is usually needed, too. Sometimes it can be tricky to get the medications right but it's definitely worth the effort. And as far as weight gain is concerned, she has had problems with some of her meds and weight gain but last summer she changed meds and since then the weight has been coming off.
And I agree with the suggestion about IOP. I did that myself one time when I really hit rock-bottom and my best friend has done it a couple of times. We both benefited from it a lot.
I went off my antidepressants 2 years ago because of the side effects. Not just the weight gain -- I was having other side effects too. I was relieved when they finally went away but I'm still really struggling with depression. I've experienced some significant losses in my life since then too and that has made it so much harder.
Many times I've thought about going back on the meds but I really don't want to so I've been searching for ways other than prescription drugs to help me. Recently I learned about Serotonin deficiency (which causes depression) and how natural supplements like 5-HTP boost Serotonin. There's also a natural supplement (an amino acid, actually) called L-Tyrosine which boosts the brain's catecholamines (dopamine, norepinephrine, and adrenaline). I'm taking that now and I can tell it's helping. I'm not where I want to be yet and I still have bad days, but not as many -- I can tell it helps.
There are a lot of books on Amazon about treating depression "naturally."
The book I'm reading now is "The Way Up From Down" by Priscilla Slagle, MD. She's a licensed psychiatrist who actually suffered from depression herself. Her book is available for purchase or you can actually download it from her website which is what I've done. http://www.thewayup.com/upfrmdwn.htm
Before you try any supplements though, I would recommend getting evaluated for bipolar if you haven't been already cuz that could make a difference.
Another thing I've learned is that vitamins are really important for proper brain function. At the minimum, we should be taking a good multivitamin, B-Complex and Fish Oil. I can't remember the rest of the recommended vitamins offhand but Dr. Slagle discusses them in her book.
I hope this helps. I understand the sadness and frustration and feelings of hopelessness. I really do. I belong to an hmo but I've never been able to find a good doctor there who can help me so I've had to figure things out myself. It can be really hard sometimes.
You know, my son was born in August of '83. That was a very, very special time for me. :) Being a mom and wanting to do what's best for our kids can be very motivating and help to keep us strong during the hard times. Hang in there, and remember to be gentle with yourself. Sending you a big hug....