Love = Troubled Soul

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lyra2105
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/16/2011 5:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear readers,
I’m a 19 year old female student. And I seek help from you, because I’ve got no money to pay somebody to listen to me.
I’m not ***, I know that for sure, and neither is the person involved in this story. Despite this fact, I think we probably fell in love with each other some time ago. But let me tell you the whole story.
I met her on September 2009, but we didn’t begin to talk seriously until the beginning of 2010. When we began talking, we discovered we had many things in common. We enjoyed the same music, had similar experiences in the past and shared many aspects of our personality. We thought we were twin souls. It was amazing.
The real story, however, began in May. We chatted a lot through MSN and, as a joke, we began to pretend that we were dating. It turned out to be awkward and fun at the same time. We began to say beautiful things to each other and laughed at all the problems love usually brings. We had a nice time. But things began to run out of control.
Final exams were coming, and we decided to meet every day to study. As days went by, we began to realize that we missed each other when we parted (we live in different cities). Text messages came and went every time we were apart, and we began to spend more and more time chatting. We sat at the university gardens, where no one watched us, and cuddled and held hands. We didn’t know what it was, but it was beautiful.
Exams ended and summer came. We met several times throughout summer. She invited me to her house, and I spent two nights there. And on the first night I decided to do something I had in mind for some time ago: I gave her a peck. It was nothing more than that, but it shocked her. She also enjoyed it. We spent the rest of the night and the next one cuddling, hugging, holding hands and saying beautiful things to each other. I keep beautiful memories of that night.
We went on a little trip two weeks later. Four days. We spent all nights as the past ones, as if we were lovebirds. But the last night, she decided to kiss me. A real kiss. Our first one. It was a wonderful feeling.
The trip ended, and summer too, but that summer has definitely been the best one in my life. I discovered many things with her, and it was beautiful. MSN chats became love stories. We only talked about how we missed and loved each other. She even told me she was in love with me, but I still don’t if that was a joke.
Be as it may, lessons began once again. We found a lone place at university where we could hide. And we hid there every time we could. And kissed each other for hours. We just kissed, but it was perfect. We needed each other.
But one day, things began to cool down. She began to feel less interested in hiding, but I needed that and I asked her every time. It was hard for me to convince her, but when she agreed she had fun too. Anyway, I felt like our story was drawing to an end, that our particular summer in middle autumn was over, and I began to feel depressed. She finally told me she was tired of all this, and that she wanted some time. She thought this was becoming a routine, and she didn’t like that. I felt heartbroken, but I accepted her decision. The lovebirds were gone, the beautiful chats and text messages were gone too. I became officially depressed. I cried every time. I even thought I could      myself. I began to live a Hell. I missed her a lot, and I couldn’t bear it.
Christmas came, and during holidays there was some school work we had to finish. I invited her to my house. And it happened, once again. We watched a movie until midnight, and when it finished, she kissed me. And that night went just like the old times. I felt happy once again. We kissed and cuddled the following morning too, and I felt like if it was summer once again.
But she left, and happiness lasted for a few days. She turned cold once again, and my depression came back.
Things haven’t improved since then. I cry almost every day for her, and the stress and failed exams of my university degree don’t help much. I feel like I want to die, like something is eating me, and I can’t take it no more. I came crying to her, seeking a comfort which she has never denied to me, but I know she is tired of my depression to. I don’t wanna lose her friendship, but I fear I might. My friends don’t care about me. I feel lost, alone, and I don’t know what to do.
I PLEASE ASK FOR HELP. Thank you very much and thanks for reading.


PS: Sorry for my bad English
 
I removed your email address.  You can add it to your profile and only members can get it.  Not everybody who reads.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/16/2011 6:17:59 AM (GMT-7)


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 1/16/2011 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lyra

It is hard to accept when friendships come to an end. Sometimes you have to just let it go but keep the good memories. You obviously bought out deep feelings in each other and it is possible for two girls to love each other without being in love, I know you said that she told you that she loved you and probably you loved her but it was obviously a love that was not going to last, maybe that was for the better.

Try and get your life back on track, pick up your studies and throw yourself into them. Nobody is asking you to forget her completely, but it is now time to move on, she has tried to tell you this by her actions.

Remember in your life friends will come and go, you will have many over the years, some last some will not.

I wish you good luck in the future.

lyra2105
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/16/2011 7:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Harrington, for you reply. I really appreciate it.

Our friendship isn't over (yet). And I mean yet because I don't know if she will finally get tired of me because of me longing constantly for the past. I think she may just only want a break, but I miss what we had a lot, and it's affecting my mood. I don't know how to learn to live "without" her, and that's what's killing me little by little. I think that, when holidays come back, she may want to try again because she likes doing what we do, but right now, we are only friends once again. I must learn to get over all this, but I don't know how.

If you wish to help me, feel free to contact me:

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/16/2011 6:19:53 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 1/16/2011 7:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lyra,

I have removed your email address from your posts. Put it in your profile and others on the forum can get it. But not everybody will see it. We get guests that read that aren't members. And it isn't safe to expose your email to everybody.

Trust me, you are going to have many experiences with men and whatnot. I am sorry that this relationship is ending, but another one may begin. It may not seem this way at this time, but believe me, things will get better. You will see your friend again, and will probably be friends forever. But if not, don't get discouraged. There will be other friends. To have one or two good ones in a life time is good. You may have many aquaintances, but not so many true friends.

Things will be better. I suggest you work on you now. Work on your studies as Harrington said. Do what is right for you and your future. Don't give up.

Keep posting and know that everbody here cares.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

lyra2105
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/16/2011 8:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Karen, for your caring reply. I need support, and answers like this encourage me to try and get over this. Thanks a lot ^^

Michelejc
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 2125
   Posted 1/16/2011 1:56 PM (GMT -6)   
People come and go in our lives. Some will remain with us forever, some won't. Everyone is in our lives for a reason. Cherish the memories and just look ahead into the future and what that will bring!
52, female - diagnosed with ulcerated proctisis/mild colitis
Canasa - one to two times a day - 1,000 mg
Sulfasalazine - 500 mg - One every night
Centrum - multi vitamin
Zocor - 40 mg
Acidophilus
Boniva - once a month
Calcium with Vitamin D - twice a day
Fish Oil - 1000 mg - once a day
Herbs - info to come

lyra2105
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/16/2011 2:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Aw... It's easier to be said than done...

It's getting hard for me to move on. I need help to get over this and be happy again.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 1/16/2011 2:39 PM (GMT -6)   
The best thing that you can do right now is work on school and take life one day at a time. Everything else will fall into place. Don't live for somebody else, live for yourself.

Gentle hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/16/2011 6:23 PM (GMT -6)   
lyra,
 
Hi there, I am Kitt.
 

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be, ....that's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better.

There are times when people disappoint you and let you down, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep believing in yourself.


 


 


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

LittleLionMan
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/16/2011 11:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Lyra,
 
I am so sorry you are hurting.  The pain of love lost is in a league of its own.  May I offer some advice that may hurt?  I was once in your shoes.  The man I loved left--slowly.  He pulled himself away little by little.  He would give me attention now and then when it was convenient for him.  (Which sounds kind of like what she is doing to you whether she means to or not.)  I went crazy trying to get him to hold on to what we had, but the truth is you can't make someone love you back.  (That is the brutal part.)  I did everything I could just to be around him in some way.  I told him we could be friends and he agreed.  We would talk and hang out, but my feelings had never went away, and I mistook his holding up his end of the bargain of being friends as coldness.  Why didn't he love me?  How could I make him love me?  Maybe he just doesn't know how to express his feelings.  Maybe he's just confused.  I fabricated so many excuses to make myself feel better.  I drove myself crazy trying to be in his presence, and I had no idea who I was beyond him.  He defined me.  It was poisonous--the worst thing I could have done for myself.  Only when I decided to sever all ties with him did I finally begin to heal.  This was a hard decision, but I finally realized that sometimes a past love is just that and they don't need to be anything else.
 
I truly hate to tell you this, because I know it probably isn't what you want to hear.  You may even think it isn't the anwer for you; it may not be.  But I seriously think you should consider breaking from her completely.  I know you feel like you can't live without her, but you did it before.  You can do it again.  Find out who you are outside of her.  You are in there somewhere.
 
--LLM

lyra2105
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/17/2011 3:58 AM (GMT -6)   
stkitt said...
lyra,


Hi there, I am Kitt.



<span lang=EN>

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be, ....that's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better.

There are times when people disappoint you and let you down, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.<span lang=EN>

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.<span lang=EN>

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.<span lang=EN>

Keep believing in yourself.

Thanks for this valuable piece of advice, Kitt. Be sure I'll keep it in mind.

lyra2105
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/17/2011 4:06 AM (GMT -6)   
LittleLionMan said...
Lyra,


I am so sorry you are hurting. The pain of love lost is in a league of its own. May I offer some advice that may hurt? I was once in your shoes. The man I loved left--slowly. He pulled himself away little by little. He would give me attention now and then when it was convenient for him. (Which sounds kind of like what she is doing to you whether she means to or not.) I went crazy trying to get him to hold on to what we had, but the truth is you can't make someone love you back. (That is the brutal part.) I did everything I could just to be around him in some way. I told him we could be friends and he agreed. We would talk and hang out, but my feelings had never went away, and I mistook his holding up his end of the bargain of being friends as coldness. Why didn't he love me? How could I make him love me? Maybe he just doesn't know how to express his feelings. Maybe he's just confused. I fabricated so many excuses to make myself feel better. I drove myself crazy trying to be in his presence, and I had no idea who I was beyond him. He defined me. It was poisonous--the worst thing I could have done for myself. Only when I decided to sever all ties with him did I finally begin to heal. This was a hard decision, but I finally realized that sometimes a past love is just that and they don't need to be anything else.



I truly hate to tell you this, because I know it probably isn't what you want to hear. You may even think it isn't the anwer for you; it may not be. But I seriously think you should consider breaking from her completely. I know you feel like you can't live without her, but you did it before. You can do it again. Find out who you are outside of her. You are in there somewhere.



--LLM

Definitely a hard reply... I'm sure she doesn't want to leave me. It's just that I've developed a need for her. I don't want to lose her. If this relationship can't go on, I'm fine. But I don't want to lose her friendship. I think everything will improve if I learn how to live my own life next to her, but I don't know how to, and that's why I need help.

Thanks for your honest reply. I need to hear all kinds of opinions.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 1/17/2011 7:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Start counseling or get yourself some self help books. We are all unique individuals. You are special in your own way. Get to know yourself and love yourself. This will pull you through.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

lyra2105
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/17/2011 10:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everybody! I'll keep your advice in mind and try to move on. I can't go one like this.

Thank you very much! ^^

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 1/17/2011 11:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Keep posting!!!

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 1/18/2011 2:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Lyra

If I were you, I would throw myself into my studies, seek some counselling from the uni or college that you attend and try and make some new friends, join some groups or maybe get a part time job, anything to take your mind off of her. You can still be friends, still enjoy doing stuff together but you have to move on, for your own mental state.

Keep posting and let us know how you are going, we all care about you, please remember that.
Kind Regards


Harrington 49

ShyGirl101
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/21/2011 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lyra
I know you're probably sick of hearing this, but the best thing you can do is try to move on and meet someone new. I know it's hard but it's the only way you'll get past this
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