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andybean
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/17/2011 2:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't know that I will ever come back to read responses but wanted to rant where someone would see it.
the formatting may not holds sorry of it doesn't.
I have been severely depressed as long as I can remember.I am 32 now and remember being this way as a young young child.
I can't stop the thoughts in my head they just run forever. I almost throw up when I meet new people I am so scared. I can never fall asleep at night it takes me hours and it takes me just as long to wake up in the morning. I lose interest in everything so fast I have never finished anything of any importance anything where things could be stored is a huge mess I cannot concentrate I hurt (not physically) those closest to me I day jean things top and about people a lot . the list goes on and on.
a lot of the people in my life tell me I just need to stop being I have started and dropped out of college three times but the coarse I have finished I carry a three point five lazy stop having such a bad outlook on life just try harder pick a job and stock with it. I guess they think they are helping, but really they are just twisting the dagger more and more.
I would have done away with myself long ago if I hadn't have gotten married and had kids. my grandfather did that and I see the torment in my mother aunts and uncles that I couldn't ever do that to someone.
today I hid from my kids all day so they didn't see daddy crying. the few times I came out of hiding I snapped badly enough at my daughters that they cried I held rm told rm I loved rm and that I was wrong but the damage was done.I have hidden this from most people for so long that I have put up a good enough facade that acquaintances don't know but my defenses are falling and I can't keep it up.
my head hurts from the ringing in myears and the buzzing in my head. I have nothing left to give. my soul is soo tire d.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I am a christian but I find no solace there and my lord brings me no reprieve.
I don't thin I can be fixed I don't expect you to. don't feel the need to respond. if you pray please do so for me if you don't please think kindly of me it may bring a smile to my face knowing that someone somewhere thought something nice about me.

thank you

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42498
   Posted 1/17/2011 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I hope that you do come back and read responses. It sounds like you are really struggling right now. Are you seeing anybody for this? I think seeing a doctor or a counselor would help you. You need not suffer so much. This can be controlled so that you can lead a normal life. Please see a doctor and get the ball rolling if you haven't already.

Do keep posting. Everybody here is so kind and compassionate.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

red lightening
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 1/17/2011 9:20 AM (GMT -6)   
We are all damaged by our parents and we all damage our children. No one escapes childhood without a few scars and bruises, (and I don't mean that physically although sadly this has happened to many of us.) However, today is always a new day. You can change by making small steps towards mental balance today. As you start changing your children will notice and they will be proud of you. The 'damage is already done' is a final, unalterable statement that just isn't true;
black and white thinking is characteristic of depressed thinking. It's not reality. There are a zillion shades of gray, white and black. There is always a new beginning. Your children love you. Help yourself today...love yourself today.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 1/17/2011 10:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Andy Bean,

The forum members are giving you the best they know to say, and they're right. Here's the way I see your situation:

Any chemical imbalance in the brain is going to cause the symptoms you describe so vividly: the fatigue, hearing noises, irritability, anquish,
fear, etc. The major step you need to take now to relieve all these
symptoms is to see a specialist in depression and let him diagnose
and prescribe for you the proper medication to restore the chemical
imbalance you're experiencing. There is no reason to feel embarrassed or frightened by making an appointment and visiting with a compassionate and mature psychiatrist. He (or she) is going to know exactly what is wrong and which medication you need to get back the content feeling tone that you need.

In the meantime, to help yourself, stop eating or drinking anything that has
caffeine in it, and do not use alcohol to relieve the symptoms you have because both of them make the illness worse.

I'd like to know how you get along once you've begun treatment. I think you'll probably feel 100% better, have a better relationship with your children, your job, and with people around you.

Thank you for posting, and we'd all like to help if possible.

It's Genetic

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/17/2011 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   
andybean,
 
Welcome to HealingWell.  I am glad you found us and that you have shared your story with us.

When your fears have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them. Don’t try to stop everything at once as you may be setting yourself up for failure.

Please know coming here is a wonderful and courageous step. You are voicing your fears so you know what they are.

The members here care for you and are so willing to support you.

I am a 29 years survivor of depression ~ almost as long as your age.  Do believe me with help, perhaps medication and therapy you can survive depression and learn to be happy again.

I wish you peace,

Kitt


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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