Hi! I haven't been here

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 1/17/2011 1:38 PM (GMT -6)   
in a while because my DH was so sick for so long, I had neck surgery, and 2 months later my DH died. That was November 09. I have been in such a rut since then. It's like I quit living when he died. All I do is sit in my recliner. I don't want to do anything. I am ashamed of being like this. I go to Church faithfully, but the rest of the time I can't make myself do anything. I am in pain all the time and I don't have any money. My SS check won't pay all the bills. We barely made it on 2 SS checks. Now I have the same bills, plus the funeral cost and all the medical bills. I have so much cc debt, I am drowning.
Does anyone know how to make yourself get out of a rut? If it takes money, I can't do it. I hate to see night coming. I don't sleep well. I take Lexapro. I tried Cymbalta but I didn't think it helped at all.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 1/17/2011 3:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Painsince99,

Have you looked into the department of human services to see if you qualify for any help? I would highly recommend that. There has got to be some resources out there that might help you along.

I lost my first husband in 2000 to lung cancer. It is so hard to get going. If you push yourself too much it can become stressful for you. But it is healthy to get out and staying inside and in bed is not healthy. But... You are in a grieving process and it is taking time. There is no limit to the amount of time that it takes to grieve such a huge loss. Have you been going to any grief counseling? It is often free. It might benefit you to go. You will meet people in the same boat as you and maybe even make some friends there.

Do you talk on the phone to people? Sometimes that can be very therapeudic. You might want to give some kind of social group a try. Either way, don't beat yourself up over it. It takes time when you have lost somebody who was such a huge part of your life. Use the alone time to pamper yourself a little bit. Do something nice for yourself. I know it isn't easy. So try not to be hard on yourself.

Take care and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/17/2011 9:30 PM (GMT -6)   
karen has given you some wondeful info. just wantd to say that i send my sincere condolences to you over your loss. i lost my lady in 06. with healing compassion, jamie. keep posting painsince99-we care,.

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