Depressed about a Girl

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/18/2011 8:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm a male, just turned 22, finishing up my senior year at college. I have a job lined up for after I graduate, and that is really exciting, but it is a highly relational job, and I am afraid I'm going to screw it up. As a result, I have a lot of anxiety on my shoulders, as I prepare to graduate and get out into the "real world."

The bigger problem in my life though is that I can't seem to recover from something that happened 1 1/2 years ago. I had been dating a girl whom I loved passionately. We had been dating for 2 1/2 years and while things weren't always sunshine and smiles, I was really happy with her. We had talked seriously about marriage quite often. We went to separate schools though, so despite the fact that I think she really loved me too, all that time apart and distance kind of made our relationship cool off and hit a few rocky patches.

Anyway, over a particular summer break, I got a summer job that required me to go to another state 20-something hours from home. We tried to keep talking to each other, but I think she took my taking that job as a sign that I wasn't serious about her, and so while I was gone, she cheated on me and found someone else. Less than two months after our break-up, she had slept with someone else. 2 and a half years... done... just like that.

It broke my heart... and ever since then I've been struggling... beating myself up... frustrated. A friend of mine gave me the advice that I just needed to forget about it and move on, so I tried to do so. I ended up dating another girl, but after a couple of months, I realized that it didn't feel right, and we didn't have that "romantic connection." I was single for a while after that, and now I just started dating someone else... she's a wonderful person, and I could see myself with her... but every once in a while I will have one of those moments when I am reminded of my ex. Today I watched a television show that presented something similar to what I experienced with my ex-girlfriend... a girl who cheated on a guy when he was away, felt guilty about it, and as a result, distanced herself from the guy even more. It stung.... and reminded me of the pain that is buried down in my heart.

What do I do? I really like this new girl... it's just for whatever reason, I can't let go of my ex. Advice?? Please?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 1/18/2011 9:58 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like you are thinking of her less and less. That will continue. It just takes time. Though two and a half years is a long time. She must have been really special to you. But yes, get on with your life and be happy with your new love.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/18/2011 11:02 PM (GMT -6)   
agree with karen, time to move forward. with much compassion, jamie


Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 1/20/2011 12:18 AM (GMT -6)   
unfortunately there's no magic trick to get over losing somebody. time heals and that's about it... I don't think anybody ever forgets their first REAL love (which is what this sounds like) and as such she'll probably always have a place in your heart, it's just important to distinguish between missing her and just fondly remembering your relationship. good luck:)
Diagnosed: Panic Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Major Depressive Episode

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 1/20/2011 9:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Speedywest

I agree totally with the above posts, it is time to move foward with your new girl now, forget what was and what could have been with the first girl, that is long gone.

Congrats on your forthcoming graduation and good luck with your new job, I am sure you will do well at it. You sound like you have your head on the right way. So take what you have with both hands and follow that road ahead of you, it is all mapped out for you although being young you probably can't see it.

I wish you luck for the future and remember don't look back only look ahead.
Kind Regards

Harrington 49

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 1/20/2011 10:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Lululiya said...
I don't think anybody ever forgets their first REAL love ......
it's just important to distinguish between missing her and just fondly remembering your relationship. good luck:)

THat is so true. I've been married for almost 4 years and have been with my wife for about 10 years (wow didn't realize that until i thought about it) and i still have tinges (for lack of a better word) of feelings on the rare occations when i flash back and think about my first love. I feel guilty about it, but i know i love my wife now more than ever and i know i made the right decisions. You'll get there, it just may take some time.

GL with the new job and graduation!
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