The one thing that I want you to promise is that you will not blame yourself for your mother's problems. She is who she is. You may be right, she may never accept you. But that is just because of her illness. And if you distance yourself, you can always see her again. So I think that the less time spent with her the better. I know that you love her, but I don't think you can change the way that things are.
When you told me that she was bipolar, it all started making sense. That is probably why she acts the way that she does. As my mother was too. Very moody. Would snap in a second. My mother only loved herself too. She had other daughters and would like to get everybody mad at eachother and she would get all of the attention. She was in the hospital many times and for long lenths of time. I think she was in for about
six years at one point. But back then she drank and they didn't understand mental health issues as much. They had different antidepressants too. So she didn't get the best of care. She lost all of her kids. It was so sad. But she always blamed somebody else instead of accepting the responsibility of her drinking. Now she would probably get the help that she needed and things would come out different. But it can't be changed and I do accept it. Though it was hard. I wanted to blame her for everything. I wanted to hate her. I couldn't.
I know that you will be able to sort this out. It is just that you are facing so much right now. Too bad your mom doesn't take the medications that she is suppose to. That is selfish on her part. It would make everybody's life better. Even for your dad and for herself. I wish she could see what she was doing to you and care about
it too. You are such a good person Frances. It is hard when our parents try to brain wash us. My mother did that too. I grew up having to learn what everything was really about
. And I am sure you did too. To know the truth of things. And to be able to tell what is the truth. After you have been told something for so long, you really can't tell which way is up anymore. And you are afraid to trust anybody. I know I was. I guess if I figured my mom could lie to me then anybody could then I got paranoid. But that is in the past. It is much better now and it will be for you too. This too shall work out. Try not to over think it. That is so easy to do. Especially when you are trying to figure things out. Be good to you. You deserve this. Try to relax. It is hard, but can be done. Most of all love yourself. I have learned that if I don't, nobody else will. And like you say, we all want to feel loved. Your'e good people Frances. Don't blame yourself for anything. Don't feel that you aren't worthy of love, because you are. As long as your mom doesn't take her meds, she is going to be hurtful and manipulative. And maybe it is just in her personality. If she is like Charlie's mom. I watch that show all the time. lol...
I think I have rambled on enough. This brought back memories. Good ones too. Not just bad. I haven't thought about
my mother in a long time, she died in 95. Alone... Sad, but true.
I hope that you do feel better soon. I hope that you made your class on time and feeling okay. It should take your mind off of things. A nice distraction.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies