I am not in your shoes, but I almost lost my life back in 2006 during a surgery which did not, after legal review, even need to be performed. The only way I could be saved was to have an ileostomy. That means I poop into a bag out of my small intestine AND due to the damages, I will be lucky to keep doing so. So far I have been OK but I seriously worry about the regrowth of adhesions internal scar tissue which was giving me obstructions prior to the ileostomy surgery. At that time a very gifted doc took out many very dense adhesions and it was a very tricky surgery. I have physically been very well since. I just need to get over the fear that I was left with. My prognosis is good and I just have to develop faith that I will stay that way. I am healthy in every other way and am an otherwise young 54. I look about 40 due to good skin tone and being slim.
I travel a LOT and when I am traveling with friends and sight seeing I am fine and I ballroom dance, BUt in between trips when I am home alone, I go to that dark place that you are in right now. I do not have bipolar but I do know the depression part extremely well.
I'm not belittling your situation but I have a few ideas that may help you.
1. From what I have read, bipolar needs some type of med because you have an imbalance in your brain. This is not your fault, but some doc somewhere has to get you on the right med so that you can then begin to help yourself. I too sleep a LOT as it is a good escape isn't it? You know that I know where you are coming from don't you? Know that you are not alone. SO get some sort of med and keep trying until you get some improvement.
2. Then get the sleep you need and force yourself to get up, eat, wash, and dress. If it is nice go out even if it is just for a short walk. You should be up, fed, washed, and dressed and out in about an hour.
3. If your husband is nice, cherish him for all you are worth. I am alone and will likely always be due to my injuries. I have also never been married. If he is nice you have a GIFT!
4. If you are physically well, all bodily functions working, and you have all your senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch and you are not in physical pain, enjoy that for all it is worth. Many people do not have all that.
5. I have never had a child to lose so I will not even pretend to know what that is like. Let yourself mourn, but then remember all the good times you had with him and tell yourself that many women like me do not even have a child for 5 years let alone at all. Maybe keep a few pics of him on your wall, but then also put up some pics of your husband, special friends, a pet. Make the pics of your child part of a collage of pics of others in your life. No matter how horrid you feel, it cannot bring him back and I am soooooo sorry for you about this. BUT he would not want his mom being this sad. You know how kids are they are so real and so forthright. He would say Mommy, why do you sleep all the time? Look at the sun, why don't you go out and play in it? You know the language kids use. Do some of those things for him. He is still there for you even though you cannot touch or see him. You have to believe that on some level. Souls never totally go away.
6. Each day go on some errand, or do one thing, even if it is patting a cat at an area animal shelter. Animals are good for us. They are unconditionally loving and I can tell that you still have a lot of love in you or you would not be on this Board.
7. Start small and take baby steps.
8. 34 is very young. You have so much life ahead of you. Assuming you are physically healthy, in my eyes due to my experience, I envy you even with all of your emotional and PTSD and bipolar. You still have your body in total, I do not. Again, I am not belittling what you have to deal with, I am just pointing out the good things you do have. Dwell on the good for 15 minutes per day even set a timer and make it a daily "thanks giving time for all that is good with your life,"
Try this for a week and then please post again. I care and so do others. You will hear from more. This is a great Board. God bless you.