Very depressed and anxious...Please Help w/ any suggestions/thoughts/experience's...

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tlh713
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/24/2011 1:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Everyone ~
First..Ty to anyone who took the time out to read my story. I feel very alone right now. It's been a very long and sad few years for me...
I'm 34 yrs old..I'm married (going on 7 yrs now) to an engineer....I have access to Dr's and therapists, etc....
My problem is...I'm so depressed. To depressed to take the time out to find a pychiatrist & therapist. I sleep all day and I'm awake most nights. I can barely keep myself motivated to even wash dishes or do laundry. I'm sick to my stomach most of the day and have thoughts often. Although, I'm never serious about doing something like, the thoughts def consume my days.
I've always had mental health issues as far back as I can remember. I've been diagnosed as Bi-polar. I was diagnosed as BP when I was 16. I'm 34 now. I've been on every med possible and honestly have trouble staying with the program. I'm disorganized, I cry ALOT, i'm just so sad all of the time.
I lost my son back in Nov of 2009...He was 5. His name is Johnny. And, I can't stop thinking about him. I just see his face constantly. I cry myself to sleep...my walls are still full of framed pics of him, like he's still with me.
I know my symptoms are worse during "pms" time...That's when I'm just a basket case.
I need help....I need medication. I almost wish I could convince my husband to let me check in somewhere like a mental hosp. So I can rest.....Idk, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...
I need to control my bi polar and my PTSD....Which meds are working well for everyone out there? How do you all stay motivated?

I could use some motivation, I guess.

Thank you all....And be well.
Tam
 
I had to take a couple of words out of your post, sorry but we aren't suppose to discuss suicide on this forum.  Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/24/2011 8:02:06 AM (GMT-7)


esoR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4147
   Posted 1/24/2011 2:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Tam,

I am not in your shoes, but I almost lost my life back in 2006 during a surgery which did not, after legal review, even need to be performed. The only way I could be saved was to have an ileostomy. That means I poop into a bag out of my small intestine AND due to the damages, I will be lucky to keep doing so. So far I have been OK but I seriously worry about the regrowth of adhesions internal scar tissue which was giving me obstructions prior to the ileostomy surgery. At that time a very gifted doc took out many very dense adhesions and it was a very tricky surgery. I have physically been very well since. I just need to get over the fear that I was left with. My prognosis is good and I just have to develop faith that I will stay that way. I am healthy in every other way and am an otherwise young 54. I look about 40 due to good skin tone and being slim.

I travel a LOT and when I am traveling with friends and sight seeing I am fine and I ballroom dance, BUt in between trips when I am home alone, I go to that dark place that you are in right now. I do not have bipolar but I do know the depression part extremely well.

I'm not belittling your situation but I have a few ideas that may help you.

1. From what I have read, bipolar needs some type of med because you have an imbalance in your brain. This is not your fault, but some doc somewhere has to get you on the right med so that you can then begin to help yourself. I too sleep a LOT as it is a good escape isn't it? You know that I know where you are coming from don't you? Know that you are not alone. SO get some sort of med and keep trying until you get some improvement.

2. Then get the sleep you need and force yourself to get up, eat, wash, and dress. If it is nice go out even if it is just for a short walk. You should be up, fed, washed, and dressed and out in about an hour.

3. If your husband is nice, cherish him for all you are worth. I am alone and will likely always be due to my injuries. I have also never been married. If he is nice you have a GIFT!

4. If you are physically well, all bodily functions working, and you have all your senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch and you are not in physical pain, enjoy that for all it is worth. Many people do not have all that.

5. I have never had a child to lose so I will not even pretend to know what that is like. Let yourself mourn, but then remember all the good times you had with him and tell yourself that many women like me do not even have a child for 5 years let alone at all. Maybe keep a few pics of him on your wall, but then also put up some pics of your husband, special friends, a pet. Make the pics of your child part of a collage of pics of others in your life. No matter how horrid you feel, it cannot bring him back and I am soooooo sorry for you about this. BUT he would not want his mom being this sad. You know how kids are they are so real and so forthright. He would say Mommy, why do you sleep all the time? Look at the sun, why don't you go out and play in it? You know the language kids use. Do some of those things for him. He is still there for you even though you cannot touch or see him. You have to believe that on some level. Souls never totally go away.

6. Each day go on some errand, or do one thing, even if it is patting a cat at an area animal shelter. Animals are good for us. They are unconditionally loving and I can tell that you still have a lot of love in you or you would not be on this Board.

7. Start small and take baby steps.

8. 34 is very young. You have so much life ahead of you. Assuming you are physically healthy, in my eyes due to my experience, I envy you even with all of your emotional and PTSD and bipolar. You still have your body in total, I do not. Again, I am not belittling what you have to deal with, I am just pointing out the good things you do have. Dwell on the good for 15 minutes per day even set a timer and make it a daily "thanks giving time for all that is good with your life,"

Try this for a week and then please post again. I care and so do others. You will hear from more. This is a great Board. God bless you.

Rosemary

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/24/2011 2:35 AM (GMT -6)   
tam, i am sorry over your loss. time to seek out some supports. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 1/24/2011 10:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Tam,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. Everybody here is so kind and caring.

I am so sorry for your loss. It takes time sweetie to get over these things. Did you seek any grief counseling for this? It might be something that can still help you. It must be so hard for you right now. I know it has been a while, but there is no time limit on grief. So embrace it and try to heal.

I think you got some very good suggestions above and I hope that you run with them. Going to counseling helps a lot of things that medication doesn't. So please try that.

With that being said, I hope that your day gets better today and that you keep posting.

I take pristiq, abilify and xanax. They do work well for me.

I hope that you can find what is right for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

tlh713
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/26/2011 1:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Everyone ~
First...I'd like to say Ty to everyone who replied to my post. You all are just so sweet, helpful and encouraging. When I read all of your reply's, I had tears running down my face, just knowing there are people out there who truly care. How, Im not alone and how if I reach out for help and guidance, i'm sure to find it. I just have to get myself out there....Which is the hardest part for me. But, I feel at this point, I have to. I can't see living like this forever. It's just to painful.
The loss of my son...was def the "icing on the cake" for me. After that, I stopped socializing. I only leave my house when I abs have to and I've basically alienated my family and the few remaining friends I had left. My mood became very dark...I stopped taking my meds, stopped going to a therapist and so on. I know my pain will always be there..But, I need to be able to deal with it and try and move forward.
I was a paramedic back in the 90's and early 2000's..Life was amazing then. In 1996 I became the first female medic for the comp I worked for and after I achieved that, I went through firefighter training. I was on top of the world...
Now, I'm nothing...I sit home all day and stay up at night. Just thinking.....
God....I wish I could feel better. But, this is the first time I've ever reached out for help. So, maybe it's a start. My goal for tonight is to get to the Dr by Friday. That's my goal...I'll make that phone call in the morning.
Rosemarie ~ Your story truly touched my heart. If I couldve reached through my laptop and hug you...I would have. I'm so sorry for all of your medical issue's...I only know what it's like from my medic days...You have a great outlook on life. And, I felt as if you were an angel from heaven writing back to me...Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart...
Thank you all and I'll keep you posted.
Tammy......
Bi-Polar
PTSD (lost a child in 2008)
I've been diagnosed by a few PDOCS of having Borderline Personality Disorder.
Acute Anxiety

tlh713
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/26/2011 1:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Karen ~ Ty also...And I'm sorry about using the "s" word in my 1st post. I actually took it out at first...Then put it back so that I made more sense. But, I comp understand. Thanks for the heads up...:)!
This is a great place to talk....And to be encouraged. Ty again!
Tammy
Bi-Polar
PTSD (lost a child in 2008)
I've been diagnosed by a few PDOCS of having Borderline Personality Disorder.
Acute Anxiety

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/26/2011 2:19 AM (GMT -6)   
HANG IN THERE TAMMY. JAMIE. WE ARE HERE FOR SUPPORT.

FORMER BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. RARE FOR A BLOKE!!! IT EFFECTS MORE WOMEN. ARE YOU INVOLVED IN DBT? DIALECTICAL behaviourAL THERAPY. IT HELPS. TAKE CARE.

WITH HEALING COMPASSION, JAMIE
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 1/26/2011 9:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for understanding. I think you have taken a huge step here and I think it is going to be "all good" for you from here on. You are trying and that is what matters. We are here for you... Remember that.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 1/26/2011 11:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Tlh713, I must tell you that I love your expression "reach through the laptop and give you all a hug". That's exactly what the forum members would like to do in their work here. I hope you
are encouraged by their efforts.

It's the chemical imbalance that is troublesome for you right now, Tlh.
Once you get that corrected, there are a few other suggestions that were given to me by my psychiatrist that might be helpful for you:

1. Don't drink alcohol; it makes the illness worse.
2. Don't eat or drink anything that has caffeine in it; it makes the
illness worse.
3. Take your meds (which you need to get back on, perhaps even in
different dosage amounts or in new prescriptions for another med).
4. Get your rest; that's primary in bipolar illness.

I read an article yesterday about depression, and the writer was
expressing her views on the diet in depression (much of which I have espoused in my own bouts with depression because I know they help). You may wish to cut back on fatty acids in the diet: that means the fried foods, butter, and all products related to milk and cheese. Eat more lean meat, more green vegetables, lots of salads and drink 8-10 8oz. glasses of water each day. Please avoid all artificial sweeteners since they are highly acidic in digestion. (Only Stevia has been shown not to be harmful to date.) Avoid sugars; they are digested as acidic as well and will cause highs and lows and cravings for more. (They have no nutritional value.)

Doctors know now that bipolar illness is caused by an inflammation of the brain and that aspirin, of all things, will reduce the inflammation.
They still don't know what causes the inflammation, but I think that will come in time. In the meantime, try to put yourself on a diet that
is more alkaline than acidic. Hints on which foods are acidic in digestion and which are alkaline are available by going online to
Foods high in acid or Foods high in thiols. Some websites will give you
both types of foods. Please adjust your diet to accommodate more of the alkaline foods.  For a really calming drink, try lemonade with a touch of sugar--no artificial sweeteners, please.  It's a nice way to start a day rather than with coffee since the caffeine will cause a let down in feeling tone a few hours after ingestion.  Coffee is, besides, not recommended in the diet of bipolar patients; it's a real no-no for me. 
 
Psychiatrists are recognizing  that foods play a  crucial role in maintaining the serotonin in the body. (That's a chemical that leaves a
good, calming feeling tone.) 85 % of all  serotonin receptor sites are in the digestive system.  The remaining portion are in the brain.

I hope this helps. However, I'm not a doctor and you need to confirm
anything you do with your physician.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 1/26/2011 9:18:08 AM (GMT-7)

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