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TinkerbellLovesHim
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/26/2011 1:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Heres a poem i wrote the other day when i started to think about how i feel.. i know its dumb. Just thought id do this.
 
 
"Memory Lane"
Memory lane here i come again,
Awaiting the taste of betrayal to begin.
All is lost for me once more,
My heart aching of the tore.
 
Sweet thoughts of you arrive,
But once again they wont survive.
The evil whispers picking at me,
And as always no one hears my plea.
 
Blood trickles down my leg,
As the visions of you become vague.
Oh how i wish you were mine,
As the sound of your voice runs down my spine.
 
Memory lane here i come again,
Awaiting the taste of betrayal to begin.
All is lost for me once more,
My heart aching of the tore.
 
 
 
</3

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 1/26/2011 1:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't see one earthly thing dumb about your feelings, TinkerBell.

Nice to know you're okay and still posting.

Memories like yours are difficult to resolve, I know, but getting it out is a very, very helpful way to relieve the grief. It also touches the hearts of those who read your work. You have talent, TinkerBell, and your work shows real growth in maturity since the last time I spoke to you.

I hope you will keep up the good work, and I wonder if you're planning college in your life? You are gifted, you know, and need to pursue that.
 
I have a mild problem with the word "tore", but otherwise see it as a
possible publishable piece of good work.  (You're not obligated to respond to that; no poet does reveal his personal intent in his writing.
I would call my hesitance about the word "tore" as just as individual sensitivity to meanings of words and their use.)
 
Since poetry does provide a wonderful release in feelings, please keep writing and send us some more, won't you?
 
I would ask Jamie to do the same thing, since he's our "Poet in residence".

Nice to hear from you again.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 1/26/2011 12:39:15 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/26/2011 5:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Writing poetry is good for the soul and your writing was really good. Poetry is good when it can describe a feeling so well that  others can identify with it.
 
Thank you for sharing,
Kitt


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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