Really peaved!!!

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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 1/29/2011 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi all,

i havent posted on here for a while, but i'm starting to feel myself snapping.

I have fibromyalgia along with severe depression, my husband doesn't understand what depression is like, none of his family has ever suffered with it, so he just keeps telling me "look on the brightside" or "you've got me"!!!

comments like that really don't help. My husband suffers from arthritis, but he still seems to be able to do everything he wants to do, unlike me.

This last week, all he has been doing is snapping at me, if he has a problem i try to help him to sort it by suggesting something, but he just snaps at me. i have tried ignoring it when he does it, but tonight i just snapped back.

im getting fed up of being the one who has to put up with his mood swings, he is not depressed but i don't know what has got in to him.

My husband seems to think that whatever he has wrong with him, like a sore throat, is alot worse than what i'm having to go through. I am in alot of pain everyday, and yet i still have to do all the cleaning, washing etc. I have asked him to help me on so many occasions and he says "i'll do it in a bit", it never gets done until i do it, so now i just think its best for me to do it in the first place.

His parents arn't much better, if they come round to our place and it hasn't been cleaned, its suddenly my fault because i'm the woman. well in my opinion if neither of us are working, it should be up to the both of us, shouldn't it????

Sorry about going on, i just needed to vent and im at a loose end and don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading :)
I am a 23yo woman from the UK, my husband is my main carer and does alot for me when i can't
DX fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, fatigue, low energy, panic attacks, OCD, borderline personality disorder, IBS, migraines, fibrocystic breast disease, low vitamin D.
Possible Crohns, being tested.
Had Endometrium ablasion.

Meds Citalopram 60mg, Tramadol 50mg x2

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 1/29/2011 3:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I have fibromyalgia too, but my husband understands and does a lot for me. I consider myself very fortunate.

I guess it is best if you just do what you can and don't worry about it. I do think since he isn't working that he should help you. But that is just my opinion. If he was working out of the house it would be another story.

I know it is hard when somebody doesn't understand what we are going through. But I only rely on myself. If I ask him to do something he generally does, though it might not be in my time frame. But it usually gets done. I try to do as much as I can though because I don't like that feeling of not being able to do something that I normally could do. But I have to pace myself.

Keep coming here for support. Know that I do understand your pain that you have to face on a daily basis. But I think venting does help a lot. And we are always here to offer our support with your depression. This is a really hard time of the year. I take a lot more vitamin D3 than I do in the summer. It helps with the depression and the fibromyalgia as well.

Try not to get mad at your husband. He probably feels bad because he isn't working. Maybe you could write out a schedule of chores for the both of you and maybe he will help you out. Just don't do it when you are upset.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 1/29/2011 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Karen. Just ignore the in-laws. My g-ma feels the same way about women needing to keep the home. Doesn't matter if the woman is totally incapacitated & the man is an Olympic-level athlete.

Have you talked to your husband about his comments? Sometimes a frank discussion about what kinds of things are helpful to hear & what kinds of things just end up upsetting you can be helpful. If you've already sat down & spelled it out for him, maybe try taking him with to the next doctor's or therapy appointment.

I hope you find something that will help you feel a bit better. I don't have fibro, but I do suffer from CP due to a congenital abnormality & it can be a living nightmare at times. I figure as long as there aren't rodents or insects in my home, I'm doing a good job. And I'm not even always successful at that. So cut yourself some slack. The in-laws need to mind their own business & your husband would do well to learn how to truly make you feel supported. I don't know if he's trying, but there are some people who are clueless enough to believe that no one could be worse off than them.
I don't think that people who haven't been through horrible pain or depression can really understand what it's like. Probably the best you can hope for is that your husband learns what things are helpful to say & what things are hurtful.

As for the honey-do list, I agree with Karen. Write out a schedule of chores for him. Then, just wait him out. Everyone eventually gets sick of the mess. People just have different limits of what they will tolerate. But once it gets really bad & he has to spend a whole day just washing the laundry or dishes, I'd bet he wise-ens up.

feel better,
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