In love & hopeless.

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StrangeGoat
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/30/2011 4:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm new to these forum's, but here is my problem:

i'm desperately in love with this girl, but we're really good friends and neither of us want to screw that up (i think).
we speak virtually everyday, and have done since last summer. i spent months trying to learn everything about her, and try and make myself seem really nice, and mature, in the hope it would work out in my favour. we were very close, up until about a month ago, then from nowhere, she got a boyfriend. as you could probably understand, this tore me apart, i couldn't eat, sleep, concentrate in school.. this whole thing has just screwed with my mind, and my life. i have seeked help from most of my friends, and none of them could help.. the girl feels really bad about what she did.. but she will never know how much she hurt me. what makes it worse is that her boyfriend is so immature, and always 'rubs it in my face' about how she chose him. he always causes arguments between us, which makes mine and the girls friendship become worse and worse.. all this has driven me to stupid extents.
I feel really depressed and down all of the time.. my friends have begun to give up on me, which is the last thing i need at the moment, they all say i have changed for the worse.

Well, that's my story, please if you have any advice,post, i am willing to try anything, thank you.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/30/2011 2:32:35 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 1/30/2011 4:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Strangegoat,

I am sorry but I had to edit your post as we aren't allowed to discuss self harm or suicide on this forum. But I want to give you a site that might help you with this issue:
 
 
I hope that this helps you.
 
Do you go to any counseling for this?  I think that you should be.  It would give you some direction and it would help you with self esteme and be supportive. 
 
I think, my opinion, that you need to accept the fact that she is with this other guy.  Unless you are prepared to tell he how you feel in hopes that she would break up with him and go to you.  But she chose to have the intimate relationship with him.  You need to move on and work on getting yourself stronger and independant.  Work on you and your future and the rest falls into place.  You will most likely meet somebody else to have an interest in.
 
I hope that this helped some.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 1/30/2011 2:38:35 PM (GMT-7)


StrangeGoat
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/30/2011 4:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Apologies, I wasn't aware of the forum rules.

StrangeGoat
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/30/2011 4:44 PM (GMT -6)   
That's virtually everything my friends have told me, and she said she only see's me as a friend, and he knows how I feel, hence why he annoys me about the fact that she chose him. But what annoys me is that I just can't seem to get over her.. and to be honest, I don't want to :(

I went to see a doctor, and he didn't say anything with regards to helping me.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/30/2011 10:22 PM (GMT -6)   
find one that will. sending healing thoughts your way. jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

StrangeGoat
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/31/2011 11:05 AM (GMT -6)   
I really don't think doctors can help me, and to be honest, I don't feel comfortable speaking to a therapist/psychiatrist.
I'm comfortable speaking to people here because it makes me feel like I'm not alone, that others have experienced pain similar to this, whereas doctor's probably never have, and only judge you on the couple of minutes you have spoken to them. Hence why I said in the post "I am willing to try anything", I really am at the stage where I am sick and tired of the depression and anger, and just want to get on with my life.. but I just can't seem to 'get over her'.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 1/31/2011 8:05 PM (GMT -6)   
hard i know, but it is keeping you unwell. my healing and compassionate prayers, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

mysteriousme013
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/1/2011 3:10 AM (GMT -6)   
That's tough. The whole best friends line to serious relationship future line. Depression in and of itself is a separate battle to fight. It not eats at you mentally but its a physical war, then through in there the main subject content of what drives the depression... first thing for me in depression of any kind is realizing the root of the problem. Second not looking to chemical substances or rebound substances to fill the void. The biggest part is facing yourself, and then facing the issue of thinking, eating, and moving on with life past that person. Some people find medicine of doctors helpful... but for me I highly recommend inner self therapy. What I mean by that is search yourself. Sounds like your basing quite a bit of your time, energy, and emotions in to this girl and how she affected you. She's defining you by a choice she made. Which bites and it sometimes happens. If she's that important to you I'd search farther by asking yourself what's important to you about yourself. Because another person can change your life by affecting it. . . but they aren't the one's living your life. Your ultimately in control for making decisions and tuning your life to what's important to you. People can do anything they want to intentional or unintentionally hurt you. Its ultimately up to you if you let affect you and how you let it affect you. This may seem a little different than what your talking about, but its helped me alot and its a great reminder quote. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt. Also: “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” Eleanor Roosevelt.

Find your strengths and what matters most to you in life beyond your friend and feelings for her. Decide if this is who you want to be. . . Someone she controls by your emotions and hurts of what she did, or a guy that see's more than just someone who broke his heart and didn't understand or know what he was worth. See yourself beyond another person, and see yourself for who you really are. Find your passions about life (beyond a person). Get involved in things /hobbies that you enjoy or are good at. At first its bites cause your drive to do anything is probably shot, and its hard to get into anything without thinking about this girl or what used to be right? But believe me its worth it. Work your thoughts to something more than the girl, beyond her. It's usually best if you spend less time with the person and their new significant other rather they are a best friend or not. Until you can forgive them and get back to daily life, it's only hurting yourself when you let it by placing yourself around the root of the problem to be reminded more. Throw your all into something positive, and surround yourself with people that do understand or can listen and support you even if they don't. I understand the online part, it can be personal without interpersonal contact face to face. It may be the best place to start talking to people that understand. Sometimes it occupies necessary time to think about something else to give ya break from overly thinking about the issue. Don't give up on your friends either. They may not fully understand or be able to say the right words all the time. . . but in you avoid them or spend less time investing in them because they don't understand, your not really giving them a chance to try or be there for you. Pushing them away is merely giving them opportunity not to care and to give up. Sometimes you just have to fight the thoughts that your alone, no one understands, and people aren't worth the effort to try explaining it to them. If their real friends they'll stick by you no matter what. But most people can only take so much trying to help and can't do anything but walk away when we don't help ourselves. Not saying its right, just saying its human. You can only push people away so many times before they give you what you want by walking away hurt. So highly encourage stay involved with your friends by hanging out and try talking to them from a different perspective. Let them help you by telling them what's important to you in life and what they can do for you as a friend. Sometimes just talking to someone and having an accountability partner makes a huge difference not swelling up your mind with contained thoughts. For some people writing them out helps, but typically its best to talk to someone. I understand the fear of a psychologist or psychiatrist, and fear of judgment, but sometimes its worth taking the risk of talking to someone who doesn't know anything about you and choose listening as a career or life goal to help people. Their people just like us.

I don't know where your beliefs are or what spirituality means to you, but its another great healing source of ANY and all fears, issues, broken lives, etc. Its not something I suggest to be typical, but I know from experience what you trust in and believe in changes everything about the way you live life. Feed your physical body and you survive a life time; but feed your spiritual soul / body and you'll live through out a life time with every breathe you take. It probably sounds cheesy but think about and consider it. If you get involved with the right people that care, it can change everything. Usually people that have something to believe don't fall for anything or fall to nothing. Sometimes just realizing something greater out there improves everything realizing that you don't have to do everything on your own, and its not about people loving you or making your life remarkable. Not sure the chat rules on this issue so I'm gonna leave it at that and encourage be careful what you seek too for the greater unknown... sometimes thats a hard battle, but it's worth it.

Lastly about the girl. I know she hurt you and that's a lot to deal with. Your right she may not understand. All you can do with that is be honest with yourself and then to her eventually. You can tell her how she hurt you and how you felt. Its usually best to do that after you've managed your pain and frustration... after you can forgive her. But if it stops you from moving on, considering doing the best you can in telling her and leaving it at that. Sometimes all you can do is be honest with a person and allow them the space and time to grow up. Someday she might understand, and even if she doesn't it won't change the past of what happen. . . it simply allows you to move on with the hurt you've been dealt. I have faith in you though that you can move on regardless what this girl realizes about you or the past choices. Realizing she's just not that into, is a way of accepting she wasn't right for you or the one that completes you. Every one deserves someone that see's them for who they are, doesn't play with their emotions or feelings, and understands exactly who you are and cares for you anyways. They don't choose another person or waste time on other people when your the one they want and care for. It hurts having a best friend that doesn't feel the same way and if they lead you on... but it hurts even more when you waste time being miserable over someone that didn't get it the first time and isn't right for you to begin with. The saying is true for every moment angry or sad is a moment of happiness lost. Kinda reflects back to the make your choice of who you are and what you will let affect ya. But yeah. As hard of a choice it is, its true. Sorry this is long, but just a few suggestions to consider. As a woman, I feel for ya being hurt by a female. I wish I could help every nice guy avoid or not go through such pains from a woman or female, just as much as I would love for that to be true of most guys wanting and being the good guys that treat females right. Anyways, I'll be praying for ya even if that doesn't mean much to ya. Hope this helps and I wish ya the best.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/1/2011 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Good post, and a long one too. The only thing that I don't agree with is that not all depression is situational. Some is chemical embalance. So some of us do need mediccations...

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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