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ifonly
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/5/2011 3:36 PM (GMT -6)   
hi i've decided to join here because i don't really know anyone who is like me.

my depression started 5 years ago when i was 19 my mother was diagnosed with cancer and she passed away when she died i started looking after my father who was not well he also passed away a year and a half after my mother. I think when my mother died i never really dealt with it i tried to forget that she existed so that i wouldn't have to deal with the pain of losing her it was a long illness but her death was very sudden because my father didn't tell us she was going. When my mother passed away my father took to drinking to forget the pain and he did himself a lot of damage, he was in hospital for quite a while with the illness in and out of coma every time he came out of one he was annoyed because he wanted to be with my mother they loved each other a lot. one day he actually told me thanks for nothing for getting him to hospital so this was how i lived for a year and a half trying to keep my father afloat while my life feel apart i was at school but i dropped out i got a full time job but working and running to the hospital everyday and twice a day one the weekend was taking it out of me. i have a partner he wasn't that supportive at that time you know the story while i had all the responsibility he was running around messing about with his mates not calling me and trying to keep away from the situation my brothers and sister left me to look after it all so i had no time to have a relationship. After my father died i felt relief that he was with my mother and they where happy but all the lack of sleep and stress of the situation started eating and me i'm always tried and i'm anti social i kind of lost all my faith in people be cause all they worried about was money and clothes and i was stuck homeless, jobless and left with a lot of hurt and pain. i moved away for a year with my partner and the anxiety and panic attacks and crying for no reason started anything would start me of i would be really scared all the time that something would happen to my partner i would control him to make sure he wouldn't get into to harm. after the year we moved back home and we fell pregnant it wasn't the easiest pregnancy full of morning sickness and diabetes i ended up have a emergency c-section on the 37 week everything was fine after the birth my son was beautiful i felt great but about 8 months after he was born i started to feel uncontrollably angry at my partner i would scream and shout start fights about everything it wasn't until i did in-front of my son that i realized something was wrong i was falling apart i wasn't cleaning me or the house i wasn't able to function in social outings i felt abnormal and i couldn't hold a conversation. i was sleeping all the time sometimes for 14 hours straight and only eating chocolate just to keep me going while i was asleep i wanted to sleep forever and never wake up i was fed up as being looked at as the orphan who just had a baby . i took myself to the doctor and they diagnosed me with major depression and put me on anti depressants which made me worst so bad that i had to take a month of work because i broke down in-front of my manager thankfully they were really good to me. i went to bereavement counseling where i think that i had so many issues that they told me that they would only deal with the bereavement side of things and i need other counseling i feel like i'm trying to get better but its not happening my partner is getting annoyed at me because i can't clean the house and i sleep all the time i'm stuck in a rut am i normal i would like to know that i'm not the only one.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 2/5/2011 4:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ifonly,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. You have come to a good place. We will try to help and support you.

I think the doctor made the wrong choice of antidepressants if they made you worse. Know that there are many others to try and sometimes it takes a while to find what is right for each individual.

I think that you should get into talk therapy also. It really helps. I go to a psychologist for my meds and a psychologist for therapy.

You have been through a lot. It wouldn't be normal not to be depressed. We often get depressed after having a baby too. You are young and took on a responsibility taking care of your parent while they were dieing. Just that alone can make a person depressed. I am glad that you went to bereavement counseling.

I am so sorry for your losses. It can be so hard. I lost my first husband due to lung cancer in 2000. It was very difficult. But things move so fast, you don't have time to think about it much. It is when all of it is over that is really hard. Plus watching somebody that you love die.

We all know what depression is like. It is a struggle. Keep posting and know that we all care about you.

I hope that you start to feel better soon. If you can't get to a counselor or a doctor for meds, try reading about depression. There is a good book called "feeling good". It is very helpful.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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