Help...family drama

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IWantToSmileAgain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 2/5/2011 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey guys,
I hope everyone had a happy new year. Mine was very quiet I didn't even go out which was fine. I have not been drinking so i have not really been going out.
So I'm posting today because I honestly do not know what to do. I had a fight with my mom last week because I called her in a panic after my boyfriend had what we thought was a seizure. She usually isn't very supportive but I still call her sometimes because I have no one else. She told me to ask Jesus to heal him and hung up on me. I was in tears.. Since that episode, she contacted me to ask if my boyfriend could tutor my little sister (who lives with them). I'm not close with my sister either.
His schedule was booked because he just got a full time teaching job. They were furious with me because I guess they think I told him not to help her out, which is not the case. So, now I have not spoken to my family in over a week. It's making me really depressed because my mom used to be one of my 'friends'. I do not have very many friends Because I have pushed pretty much everyone, with the exclusion of my
bf and mom, away. When I'm depressed it's really difficult for me to communicate well with others or be around a lot of people. I miss my mom even though she's not very nice to me a lot of the time. This is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. I do not know if I should call her or what because I feel like she owes me an apology. I tried talking to my sister last week about the tutoring problem but she was rude to me too. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells with them and trying to keep them happy and I do not get any love or respect in return. I know that we cannot choose our families I just wish there was some way to think about this differently so it won't keep bringing me down.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, you guys have helped me a lot the past couple of months..
Britt

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 2/5/2011 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Britt,

First of all, how is your husband? Was it a seizure? Did he go to the doctor? If it happens again, call 911.

Things are going to work out for you. There is a book called "the new mood therapy". It is by a Dr. Burns. It is a very good book to read and teaches us how to change our thinking. I think that this would help you. Look for it on the internet. You can get used ones pretty cheap.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

IWantToSmileAgain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 2/6/2011 12:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen,

Thanks for the reply. Yes, we are going to a doctor. I found a great neurologist. I'll look for that book online..
-britt <3

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/6/2011 8:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Britt,
I think parent child relationships can be difficult to figure out your way thru, especially when the child is an adult. As much as you may want to say "ask Jesus to tutor her," that might not be the best approach, and I think you did just fine with telling them that he does not have time to tutor her, because I would also wonder about intermixing roles, in addition to him really not having time.
I have to admit that kind of response (the ask Jesus, and being hung up on) would be very grating. But I have to wonder what was going on that she did not say dial 911, and get to the hospital, because any caring adult should say that. So it really makes one examine what was going on? Is she like that normally? Is this a healthy relationship?
I would wonder given that you said you have pushed everyone away what do you think about therapy and meds?  I know it can be a real struggle to find a therapist you can click with (it took me seven), but I want to encourage you not to give up.
Take Care,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 2/6/2011 7:31:14 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 2/6/2011 8:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Britt,

I am glad that you found a good neurologist. And another title for that book is called "feeling good". But I think you can find it under either title. I can't remember if I told you the author, but that is Dr. Burns.

I hope that things have settled down for you. I agree with Navy, your mother should have told you to call 911. But that is over with and your husband is okay at this point. But looking further into it is a good idea. I hope he will be okay.

Keep posting and letting us know what is going on.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

IWantToSmileAgain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 2/6/2011 9:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi NAVY,

I have tried a few depression medications and what works best for me is 5htp, exercise, and avoiding alcohol. I used to drink a lot when I got depressed and I no longer do that..and it's made a huge difference for me.

My relationship with my mother has never really been healthy, and yes, she usually does tell me to pray about things and then tries to convert me rather then giving me useful advice. I have been trying to distance myself from her it's just hard because I want to have that mother-daughter relationship so badly.

I have had some trouble finding a therapist too, and sometime I feel like going to therapy makes it worse.(probably because I haven't found the right person) I am going to try some self help books for now because I am currently unemployed and in school full time without health insurance. I cannot really afford to see anyone at the moment but don't worry I am not giving up!

You guys have helped me a lot too, just to let you know :)

Thanks for the support,

Brittany

Post Edited (IWantToSmileAgain) : 2/6/2011 8:14:43 AM (GMT-7)

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