just don't know what to do

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naynay1122
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/6/2011 1:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Depression isn't new to me, I am 28 years old and have had depression since I was 13. But this last year is seems so much worse. I am just so scared all the time, constant thinking of death. I don't want to die. I fear death, which is the total opposite of the way I use to feel. It absorbs my life. Winter is the worst for me. I have a lot of anxiety. Anxiety attacks. I feel like the whole world is out to get me, talking behind my back, laughing at me. I am not much of a people person, I tend to keep to myself. In social situations I am the quiet one that makes the rest of the group uncomfortable. I wish I was different, and my friends and my boyfriend don't understand why I am like that, and sometimes I feel like it is going to ruin my relationship with him. His parents hate me and think that I am worthless, I don't really care for their opinion except for that I feel that he will start listening to them. I don't know why he is with me anyways. I just wish I could get past these thoughts. It would be so nice to go one day without these thoughts of worthlessness, and the scared feelings I have that something bad is going to happen. I have had depression since I was 13, it started with suicidal tendencies and self mutilation, I am happy to say that I haven't hurt myself for almost 2 years. at 23 I started having problems with anxiety, and now I just feel like I am going to lose my mind. Hypochondriac, is what I think I have. I don't know maybe when I reach 33 I will have completely have lost my mind. I have a bad past that stays with me, most of it I haven't told anyone I care about, like my relationship with my ex husband, he was very abusive , and has left me in a lot of pain. No one knows why I left him, they just think that we couldn't get along with each other. It has been four years since I left him, I wouldn't even know how to tell anyone now, so I just let it eat me up inside. Just like everything else, I keep it all inside. But I thank anyone who read this It is good to get things out. and sorry if I rambled

IWantToSmileAgain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 2/6/2011 8:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi naynay 1122,

This is a great place to post your feelings when you're depressed or anxious, I have gotten a lot of good advice from this forum.

I'm sorry you are having anxiety. I also deal with anxiety and I feel it gets worse when I have a lot of stressful things going on. it can be very challenging to explain anxiety and panic attacks to people who do not have them, my family always just tells me to "move on or calm down" and sometimes (usually) it takes more then that..Try to find a few minutes a day to relax and have time for yourself. Sometimes, if I feel anxious, I go for a long walk and listen to some uplifting music for a little escape.

Have you ever tried meditation? I prefer the guided kind so my mind cannot wander to other things. It's worth a try. It helps me when my anxiety gets bad.

I hope this helps a little,

Britt <3

Post Edited (IWantToSmileAgain) : 2/6/2011 7:02:45 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42497
   Posted 2/6/2011 9:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and welcome to the forum.

I agree with quiet time and meditation. I do both myself. But I am wondering if medication for anxiety would help you. You seem to have a lot of it.

I take xanax and it helps a lot. I also take antidepressants and a mood stabilizer. Some people would rather not take medications, but that is their choice. Fighting anxiety and depression alone is hard. Do you have a counselor? That would probably help you a lot.

I am really not a people person either. I do good on the forum because of the anonomousity (sp). But face to face, I don't have a lot of friends. I spend a lot of time alone with my dogs and I like that. But it isn't healthy to not go and visit somebody once in awhile. So I do try to get out every now and then. Plus the usual, shopping, and doctor visits. I do good with my counselor though. We talk about a lot, but she usually initiates the conversation. She says I am doing good and I am happy for that.

It sounds like you are suffering from health anxiety. We have a wonderful anxiety/panic forum that you might want to check out. You will get a lot of answers to your anxiety there. It really is a lovely forum. But stick with us too. We would love to support you through this.

Keep posting, remember, one day at a time. And try to learn meditation, it really does help to calm the mind. How is your sleep? Do you get enough rest, or do you wake up at night with worry? Let us know.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

naynay1122
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/7/2011 12:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your reply. I am not on any medications right now. I took Zoloft when I was a teen for my depression, and it helped, but decided to stop taking it my senior year in high school after overhearing my mom talk about how expensive it was, and I decided that I could deal with it myself. And I did alright for a while until everything started going bad in my marriage, and that is when anxiety came, and even though we have been divorced for 4 years now it never got better. Then two years ago I started working at a hospital for very ill people, I worked there for a year before I quit, but that is all I was around for a year was the sick and dieing, all ages and most of them where there for months before they passed. And I guess before I worked there, I heard of people suffering from illnesses, but so much different when you are there. It has left me wondering about my own fate and of the ones I love. I am not scared of dieing, I know it happens to everyone, but I am scared of what will happen to cause my death. And what scares me more than that is what will happen to my children if that happens before they are grown. And how will they deal with it. I just don't want them to know pain like that. All of 2010 I did nothing but worry, thinking that I was sick, went to so many different doctors who told me the same thing, which aggravated me so much, I made myself believe that they were all lying. And it took me awhile to work all of it out and to realize that that hospital did more to me than what I thought. I just don't want to go over the deep end again. But depression and anxiety has never bothered my sleeping, and I tend to sleep more when I am down, when I wake up in the morning I feel fine until I get out of bed and I is like all my energy and enthusiasm just drains out of me, and is replaced by sadness and guilt.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42497
   Posted 2/7/2011 10:00 AM (GMT -6)   
How about seeing a doctor and getting some meds again for depression and anxiety. There is no need to suffer when you could be treating your depression. It sounds like you have health anxiety. Many people have this. You use a lot of energy when you worry. That could be used for something productive. Just a thought.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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