I really don't feel good right now....

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CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 2/6/2011 6:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi guys. I'm having a really tough time right now. My anxiety is through the roof and my depression is causing a lot of havoc. I feel so alone and scared right now. I put a post in the anxiety forum and got some very thoughtful replies but for some reason (and I'm sorry to say this), they're not helping right now.

I just tried calling some friends but nobody is around. I know it's Superbowl night and I'm probably the only one not watching. I already gave an emergency call to my therapist last week and can't afford to do another one.
I need someone to talk to and help calm me down.

Well, no-one is around. Maybe I'll go force myself to do some dishes. Thanks for "listening"

Cass

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 2/6/2011 7:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Cass,

I am so sorry that you are going through a difficult time right now. Do you think maybe you need a med adjustment? Have you been feeling down for a long time? Sometimes our medications poop out and we need to add something or increase something. That is if you are on medication. Is there something that has happened that may have made you feel bad? Just wondering incase you want to talk about it. I hope that you feel better. I will be around for a little while if you want to talk.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 2/7/2011 1:23 AM (GMT -6)   
sorry cass appt city. here for ya. jamie. my e-mail is avail. with compassion, jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/7/2011 10:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cass-
Sorry I didn't check in last night; I turned in early -- no Superbowl for me either. I hope you are feeling a little better today. Things are really tough right now & if they get bad enough, please go to the hospital. Don't worry about the money -- lots of people walk out on their bills. The important thing is to keep you alive. :) You can always call 1-800-273-TALK. I think you've also mentioned sometimes that you rely on faith; if you are a Christian, you can call 800-525-LOVE most times of the day & talk to a pastor.

I'm gonna try setting aside an hour every morning & every evening to pray, sing spiritual songs & read the Bible. I've been finding that I wake up fearful of the day & go to bed stressed out about how badly the day went and how badly tomorrow will likely go. And for me, watching all the negativity on tv isn't really helping. It doesn't have to be religious stuff -- that helps me, but you could choose whatever inspires you. I just am finding that writing out prayers for other people at night is much more soothing than journaling about my day. It's helped to ground me in the past & I've gotten out of practice, but I want to get back into it b/c my life is too much of a mess right now to have to focus on my problems all the time.

Anyways, I hope that helps a bit. You have been a great HW friend to me & I wish I could just magically make things better for you -- you deserve as much. But I offer what little I have -- an encouraging word, extending a virtual hand of friendship, and prayers that you will make it through this dark valley and up the mountainside to the peak of all the goodness life has to offer.

blessings,
tirza

Post Edited (Tirza) : 2/14/2011 10:57:04 PM (GMT-7)


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/8/2011 3:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cass-
Just wanted to drop by & let you know that I am still thinking of you & praying for you. Hope today is a little brighter. :)

hugz,
T

Post Edited (Tirza) : 2/14/2011 10:56:30 PM (GMT-7)


theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 2/8/2011 8:53 PM (GMT -6)   
ME TOO, JAMIE.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 2/9/2011 9:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Karen, Frances and Jamie.

Karen: my meds were increased a few weeks ago. All of this stress is related to financial legal action right now. And things are not going well.

Frances: thank you so much for both of your long posts. It helps to know you are out there with positive thoughts. But things have actually become worst over the last day or so. When I am working it usually keeps my mind busy. But when I am home (and when my kids aren't with me) the only way i can seem to cope is by sleeping. I literally cannot handle the amount of stress I am feeling and any anxiety medicine I take will eventually make me tired anyway. I know my therapist would not approve of this but I don't know how to handle this anymore. It literally feels like I want to crawl out of my own skin. I don't see hope anywhere or anytime from these events and I am really tired of looking for it.

I'm sorry I'm so negative right now. ...I just took my meds and will probably be sleeping soon. Thanks for caring.

Jamie: Thank you too for your positive thoughts. Things just feel so hopeless right now - but I know you get these feelings. That means a lot.

Cass

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 2/9/2011 9:39 PM (GMT -6)   
yeah i do. but we got to keep a' fightin' !!!! with compassion, jamie. hang in there, here 4 ya.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/9/2011 11:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, I'm gonna go out on a limb & say @#$% the therapist. If sleeping helps, sleep. I listened to that same nonsense & all it ever did was push me over the edge. I would try to force myself to stay awake & would end up so angry that I'd attempt. You know your own body & your own mind. If you can't handle being awake 16 hours a day, be awake for less than that. ;)

You are making sure to keep up with some kind of minimal activity schedule, right? You need to eat a meal 2x/day & bathe a few times a week. If you're doing those two things, I'm gonna give you an A for effort.

I get all the stress from the nonsense legal-financial mess. If the creditors are still calling you, tell your lawyer. Mine let me give out his phone number so I don't have to put up with them anymore. They don't call him, but they leave me alone. No point in bothering with the mail, so I just throw it all in a giant box & hide it. As for the depression/anxiety ... shoot, I'm having the worst time of it too. But, Cass, I have to believe that things will turn around for you (and me) some day. I have to work so hard to keep always reminding myself of that b/c I can get SOOOO down, but it doesn't make it less true.

I don't have the answer to those questions for why things are so rough in your life right now or why they aren't getting better more quickly. All I can say is that I do believe that one day our deeds will be rewarded & even before that time there are seasons of relief from our suffering. What makes matters worse is that our brains tied memories & emotions together; we're more likely to remember bad memories when we're stressed & more likely to be stressed/depressed when we're remembering that this isn't the first bad thing that's happened to us. Sometimes it does help (little by little) to make a commitment to start trying to remember positive memories -- times when things seemed hopeless but somehow worked out.

I hope you can think of a time in your life when something got better even though it didn't seem like it would. Write it down in a journal or post it here to HW if you'd feel comfortable doing so. Use it as a reminder that things can & do get better; it just always takes longer than we'd like it to. But there is reason to have hope. These financial messes don't go on forever. It takes years to sort it out & rebuild, but there will be a time where things are not how they are now. So hang in there, keep fighting & don't feel like you need to be especially positive for us. We'll take you however we can get you. ;) But we'll try to encourage you all the same. :)

blessings,
T

Post Edited (Tirza) : 2/14/2011 10:56:10 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 2/10/2011 5:36 AM (GMT -6)   
I feel the same way. If sleeping helps, do it. Sometimes we just have to rest our minds. Just don't sleep for two years like I did... Fibromyalgia and depression. Had no energy. But yea, if you feel that sleeping will help, do it.

I truly hope that you get your issues settled soon so that you can be happy again. Keep us updated.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

whitebutterfly
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 111
   Posted 2/10/2011 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Keep being strong Cass. Im here for you. And if you need a chat, then I'll try and be available when I'm at school and later at night.

many hugs, arielle.
fly like a butterfly. free and happy. :-D

attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, PTSD, bipolar disorder.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/10/2011 10:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Cass,
 
I nap during the day if I feel like it.  I go to bed early and like to read and then sleep. 
 
Please know that you will make it through as I believe each of us understands what your going through and we are here to hold you up.

"Friends are kisses blown to us by angels."

♥♥♥ Kitt

 

ad1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 2/14/2011 12:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Come back to chat Cass! :(

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/15/2011 12:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Cass- It's me -- I changed my login name (sure you can figure it out). I agree with ad1. If there is anything we can do to care for or encourage you, please come post or chat.
If you are just sleeping peacefully, then "sweet dreams". Come back when you are awake & rested. We all love & miss you here.

hugz,
Tirzah

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 2/15/2011 10:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Tirza,

Who were you before?
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

solitaryangel1983
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 2/15/2011 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not sure how much help I would be, but if you're looking for a caring ear to listen to you and not feel alone... feel free to add me to any one of your messenger systems (if you have any), such as AOL, MSN, yahoo, Skype, etc... I'm sure our circumstances are different, but I know exactly how it feels to be so alone and broken that you find yourself having to desperately find something to pass time in order to take your mind off of things... I'm online quite often, so if you add me to one of them, it might help to avoid you having to do some dishes next time you feel helpless... I hope that helps.

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 2/16/2011 9:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Everyone. Thank you so much for all your caring replies. I'm sorry i haven't responded sooner but to be honest I just haven't felt up to it. But that's starting to change a little now. While I am still really anxious and fighting the depression, I've also become very angry too. And when I'm angry it gives me energy to fight back, so to speak.

Tirza, thanks for your long and caring response. When I initially read it the other day I started crying because you truly understand. Not just the financial stuff, but you were spot on with my reasons for so much sleep. In the last week I have become more active. Instead of sleeping all the time when my girls aren't around, I am sleeping 1/2 the time. 1/2 the time I spend on cleaning/packing projects in my house and then when my nerves get to be too much I go back to bed. But at least I'm being productive for 3-4 hours. I'm trying to stay busy enough so maybe I can forget what's going on for just a little bit. Perhaps this is what Karen and Kitt mean about "staying in the moment"?

Karen and Kitt: thanks for your responses and caring as well. It means the world to me to have your support. And its given me some strength. ..It's good to know that you both take the naps as well. Maybe I can stop feeling so guilty about this and just accept this is the only way I can deal with it right now.

This week and next week I am getting 2nd and 3rd opinions from different lawyers. Everyone's indecision isn't helping the situation. Perhaps If I truly know what my worst case scenario is then I can deal with it.

White Butterfly and Jamie - thanks for your support too. I hope you're starting to feel a little relief yourself Jamie now that you're taking those natural supplements. White Butterfly, perhaps I will see you in chat one of these days.

And Ad1, I've thought of you a lot over the last few months. I'm glad to see you are still here. I go to bed much earlier now at night but I will try to look in chat when I'm on to see if you're still there.

Thank you all. I truly consider you to be my family.

Cass

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/16/2011 11:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Cass-
Glad to hear you're hanging on. I hope you realize how strong you truly are. We beat ourselves up sometimes b/c we can't "do it all", but honestly I doubt most people could handle everything you're facing right now with as much grace & strength as you've shown. You are an amazing woman(!) & deserve a good share of praise for all you've done to provide stability to your family during an horribly difficult time.

I think a second opinion from a different lawyer is a good idea (not sure about a third -- at some point that just adds to the confusion). I switched lawyers & am much better off for it. There are multiple lawyers in my current attorney's practice (I've found that's the best way to go when things are as complicated as what we face) who specialize in different aspects of financial law.
One place to look, besides personal referrals from people who've worked in the legal field, is www.martindale.com/. Lawyers have to pay to be listed in Martindale, but most of them do. A good number of the lawyers are Peer Review Rated. It doesn't mean anything if they're not rated, but if they are rated it can tell you if they know how to practice law or not. If they are given a high rating, all you'll have to worry about is whether you can get along with them personally. :)

Glad you figured out who I am. As you can tell, things have gotten super stressful with the usual culprits. idk how, but they seem to have figured out my old ID. They're not great at technology , so as long as I don't do anything to show up in a search by my old name, I'm pretty sure I'm safe. I need to learn to not let them bother me so, but that's mucho therapy $. So I changed my Screen Name.
Maybe you will be my inspiration for house cleaning. smilewinkgrin I've not done more than 90 minutes a day -- if that. Gotta get clean by next weekend.

Keep hanging in there. We all luv ya. scool

peace,
t
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