I'm hoping for some advice and / or someone to say that they have been through a similar thing and tell me what happened.
Let me set the scene. I've been married 11 years now and have 2 young children. My wife gave up her career to look after the children and has been a great mom to them. I have to also say that during our marriage I have not been the most communicative person which I know is not good but I've always been loving, thoughtful and kind and we did have a close marriage with plenty of affection and respect. We have, however, from time to time argued about this communication so I can't say I've been perfect.
Anyway, about 2 years ago at the time when our youngest was just about to go to school (but maybe that is coincidental) I noticed a big change in my wife's moods. She was really low, very irritable, often flying into tempers at really minor things and very difficult to live with. I persuaded her that something was wrong and she went to see her doctor who diagnosed depression and put her onto Citalopram. At the same time we went to some couples counselling and things were so bad that I really sat up and changed my own attitude such that (and she agrees with this) we now communicate much better.
Her mood did improve a bit although never back to normal but anyway she has been slowly coming back off the meds and now has been fully off them for about a fortnight. One thing I should say is that she was only ever on a low dose and a friend of mine who is a psychiatric nurse is of the opinion that the dose was never enough. Anyway that is maybe not relevant because when is happening now is that she has reverted right back to being irritable, low and just not interested in anything that I do or say. She has also decided in her own mind that she never had depression, there was never anything wrong with her and that it was all the relationship that was making her low.
So here we are now and I'm really down about the future. I had seen the depression diagnosis as a reason for the problems and hoped that medication would lift her mood so we could work on the marriage and get it back on track. However, now she is treating me really badly. Of course there is no sex but that's kind of to be expected, what is so difficult is the complete lack of affection or even basic politeness which goes on day after day. Whenever we talk about the marriage now she makes out that we never had a single happy moment, that she married me because she was looking for what I was at the time but now she wants something different. However, I can remember happy times, sexy times, affectionate times, comfortable times etc. and I've got all the usual Valentine's cards, birthday cards etc saying how great I am and how happy she was.
This has been going on for almost 2 years and I'm now getting worn down by it. I really love my wife and if possible I want the marriage to work. We have 2 lovely children, a great house, friends, plenty of interests etc and I am worried about throwing all that away if she is going to come out of this depression and we can rekindle the marriage. But she's not taking the medication any more so will she get better? Or is it really the marriage that is making her like this and if so would we be better calling it quits?
I would really like to her from anyone who has been through something like this and can tell me how things worked out for them. Did you end up separating? Did your partner get back the loving feeling?