I have a couple of concerns that are just bugging the hell out of me. Hopefully someone can shed some light on these problemsa nd let me know if I should really give them much attention, or just try and shrug them off.
#1 - The never ending problem of having so much trouble focusing on what I'm doing, feeling like I almost have ADHD or something. While I'm doing something I'm always thinking about what I'm going to do next, what's after this, what's after that. This has caused me to make a few minor mistakes at work, repeatedly though. Also when it happens in situations like running on the treadmill, or watching a tv show, or trying to study for an exam, it really makes me question my sanity and why I can't just buckle down and live in the moment and focus.
#2 - The amount of time I spend in a day in deep thought. When I mean deep thought I mean really deep thought, analyzing and trying to figure out "life". Wondering if it's possible to be alone for the rest of my life and be alright. I've been single my whole life and I'm 25 now, and I'm getting in this ridiculous rut and I'm wondering if that if I keep it up if I'll just wind up being some crazy deranged old man. I think about how I really could use someone there to help me or atleast keep company, but at the same time the idea of actually having someone there would make me feel so awkward and strange because I'm so used to being on my own most of the time.
#3 - I am trying my best to steer away from drinking. And I know in other forums people have told me that they think I have a drinking problem. But honestly, I think that's a joke. I am 25 yrs old and single, going out on the weekends is something EVERY 25 yr old does. And honestly I only drink MAYBE once a week, sometimes not even that. But I know it does mess with my sleeping habits, and now I'm so nervous about it that even if I do have ad rink or two the worry and anxiety of feeling bad the next day and anticipating sleeping problems totally ruins my night out for me and makes me shut down and pretty much denies me any chance of enjoying myself with friends on a saturday night anymore.
#4 - The feeling/guilt of realizing how bad I have secluded my family and friends over the last 3-4 years. It started once I had my jaw surgery to correct a severe open bite I had when I was younger. I corrected it and it caused so much swelling and numbness that I became an absolute hermit for MONTHS. I didnt even want to see my own immediate family, I would sit in my room and watch endless episodes of deadliest catch and other tv shows to just pass the time. I was definetlly 1000 x more depressed then then I have ever been, the key is though, I didn't have the anxiety symptoms. Anyways, after that I just felt like I could never get back in the swing of things. I felt like I never quite got back to where I was emotionally/physically/mentally before the surgery. This concerns me a lot because I often think about how I might have been better off had I just lived with my severe open bite and slight physical deformity. Wonder if I'd be in a better place now. Also, I worry a lot about maybe this could be PTSD too because I was mugged and choked unconscious right after my surgery walking home from a party one night. It took me a LONG time to begin to actually feel like a man again after that. I felt almost invincible until I got choked unconscious and left in the street for dead, then after that i felt almost immasculated (might be pretty extreme choice of definition) whenever anybody would bring the subject up. I would get SOOOO mad and defensive.
Well if anyone has any feedback and can shed some light on whether or not they find these concerns "crazy" or "bipolar" I'd appreciate it.