I have a question...

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 2/15/2011 10:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Before I have things I need to get out of the way, I do have a question... It's about the person I love very deeply who is depressed... Do you have any advice for what I could do to help...? She seems to find comfort in me being around, but she's clearly very depressed and stressed about things in her life, and has been for a very long time... She is the kind of person who tries to live in the present (the whole 'the present is a gift' quote is something she's said before), and has a 'look forward to the future attitude', but it seems as though these outlooks do not give her a lot of comfort... I can endure my own pain a bit longer because I realize it's a sort of 'price' I'm paying for being true to myself, but I'm really upset by any suffering she has to endure... Anything at all would be helpful... She lives very far away, but I just want to know of any suggestions I could use that might help to brighten her life a little bit... I already know she's on antidepressants and they don't seem to be helping a lot... She puts on a happy front a lot, but long ago she told me that she was hiding her pain... Right now all I can really think of doing, and I have been doing it, is to send her comforting emails on a regular basis just to remind her that I care about her and she is never truly alone.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/15/2011 11:32 PM (GMT -6)   
maybe some counselling? jamie.


New Member

Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 2/15/2011 11:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for giving me a reply... As I understood things though, she was having councelling, which is how she discovered about the depression in the first place and started taking the medications (they weren't her first choice but she started using them)... Thank you though... I'll keep thinking of what I can do, and keep emailing... I'm very worried about her... So much so that it completely makes me ignore my own pain at times...

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 2/16/2011 4:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello SolitaryAngel1983

From experience I know that it is very difficult to know what to do when someone you love is suffering from depression. I have lived with it for a couple of years now and there are times when it seems that there really is nothing that you can do that is right. For my part I have made an effort never to tell my wife to "cheer up" or anything like that because even though I don't know what it is like to be depressed I do know that it's not something that she can control like that. I also try to keep things as normal as possible but at the same time, whenever I discuss anything with her I just make a point of emphasising the positive side and, if there is something negative that needs dealing with then I try put it in context and show that it's not that important.

I think that it is a good thing to discuss the fact that she is suffering from an illness. It's not a mental problem (she's not going crazy or anything like that) it's a physical illness and there is no shame in it. My wife was definitely ashamed of the diagnosis and really did not want to take any meds but the thing is that if you had any other illness then you would take meds for it so why not depression.

Having said that, I can see that it's more difficult for you as you're over a long distance so it is not easy to discuss things properly.

Best of luck to you.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/17/2011 5:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Change the routine. Send her flowers, for example, on the next
occasion that is appropriate. Take her on a trip to someplace different from the atmosphere of home all the time. If you can't do it financially, try to persuade her to take a trip with friends somewhere.

Depression can be made worse by a daily diet of "sameness"; some men, I think, are more prone to be happy with the routine as it is. Women, on the other hand, appreciate some travel to vacation areas that are beautiful and quiet or at least different. Scenic areas are relaxing and

Communication is excellent, but variety is better for the stay-at-home wife or partner.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 2/17/2011 8:13 AM (GMT -6)   
^ +1 with IG, just random acts of kindness. Doesn't have to be anything big, send a funny card, write a letter, send some cookies anything like that just be random about it. it makes for a great feeling when you open the mail box and you have something nice you weren't expecting. Try to make it a physical thing, emails are nice but holding a hand written letter is much better IMO
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

with your past and your future precisely divided, Am I at that moment?. . I haven't decided.
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