Social Anxiety Disorder

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wentlykailor
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/16/2011 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   
hi everyone, i am new here.
 
my discussion has to do with how to deal with SAD.
I have SAD so bad i will turn down people when i see that they want to be my friend.
I was relieved when i got confrontational with a girl and she stopped talking to me after we hung out once.
I do not want to hang out with anyone ever, and if I do hang out with them I have to have my boyfriend with me, he is the only person who makes me comfortable.
If someone tries to befriend me I will push them away almost immediately when I see we are becoming friends on a level that the person might want to hang out with me.
Is this just social insecurity? I am always feeling like everyone is judging me...at work, school, and even if im at a traffic stop in my car and there are other cars around me.
I love getting into confrontations and have people thinking badly at me for a reason rather than judging me when they do not know me.
 
i hope this makes sense.
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/16/2011 3:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Wentlykailor,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I avoid confrontations myself. I don't like conflict. I guess if you want to alienate people, that is a good way to do it. But why? Do you get kicks out of it, or do you just want people to stay away from you. Because if that is the case, you are getting much more attention than you want. In any case, it says that you aren't happy with your life. I have always been good to people, I think it is the way to live. But it takes all kinds to make the world go around.

We have a lovely Anxiety forum. And for your thread subject, it would be more fitting over there, but you are free to post wherever you like. But you would get more information there and more responses.

If you have social anxiety, generally you avoid people all together. You don't want to talk to them, and especially don't want conflict. So I don't think you have social axiety at all if you "love getting into confrontations". It sounds like you are opposite. I have seen people that are afraid of intimacy with others and tend to push them away after knowing them for awhile, but that is all together different from what you are doing. What you are doing is going to cause people not to like you. They may avoid you after the fact, but why alienate them to that extent?

You sound paranoid actually when you talk about being in a car and people thinking things about you. Most people don't even notice who is in a car, they watch what the vehicle is doing instead of the driver or passenger.

Are you going to any type of counseling? I would highly recommend it for you. You kind of sound like you aren't really sure what you want. And I think a counselor would help you find some answers about yourself. I hope that you think about seeing one.

Keep posting, or check out the anxiety forum if you choose to.

I am being brutally honest with you with what I think. This is just my opinion and in no way am I judging you. I think that you have a lot to learn yet about life and people. And I think you deserve that chance. That is why I recommend counseling for you. You sound like a survivor.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

wentlykailor
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/16/2011 3:26 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you for your response, Karen.

and i now see the anxiety forum! :D
Thank you for pointing it out and responding.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/16/2011 4:36 PM (GMT -6)   
You are very welcome!!!

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

ad1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 2/16/2011 10:21 PM (GMT -6)   
I have Social Anxiety too. I'm nearly 23 and I've suffered from it since I was about 13. I was diagnosed at 14 and left school because I became so depressed with it. Still struggling with it now, it changed my life completely.

Daisysmom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 2/17/2011 1:20 AM (GMT -6)   
except for the part about wanting to get into confrontations, it kind of sounds like me, or me at my worst, i should say. At any rate, not fun. Get help
Reactive arthritis, diagnosed 2010. Hypertension. Taking Methotrexate, Norvasc, Mobic. Former user of SSRIs and various mental health providers for anxiety, depression.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/17/2011 2:59 AM (GMT -6)   
keep being strong wently. with compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

wentlykailor
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/17/2011 5:12 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks everyone.
its just i have a very matter of fact personality and i dont give anyone a chance to hurt me.
i know the way my life played out has alot to do with it but it is no excuse because i know i never deserved what happened to me.
im not a mopy girl, i dont go around feeling like im so hurt over my life, i know the poeple in my life that hurt me are not very good people...they just hurt themselves because i am not in their lives anymore. that hurts them far more than what they did to me, you know?
its just that i am now putting huge walls up and i dont know how to take them down...
its like confrontations have something to do with me wanting to stand up for myself...establish that im "tough", i let people know not to ever mess with me before they ever try to.




i know exactly how you feel ad1 and thank you jamiee, you are very kind.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/17/2011 5:31 PM (GMT -6)   
You want to establish you are tough, but it sounds like you hurt easily because you don't want to let anybody in for that reason. We all get hurt from time to time. It is a part of growing up. Learning who you are. I put up walls though and still kind of do. It is easier. But living and learning brings character and personality. It will work out for you. Believe me, it will.

Keep trying and never give up living.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/17/2011 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Oops, I got confused for a minute:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) refers to episodes of depression that occur every year during fall or winter. Symptoms improve in spring and summer.

Social phobia -- also known as social anxiety disorder -- is an intense fear of becoming humiliated in social situations, specifically of embarrassing yourself in front of other people.

Guess they both are SAD.

Social phobia disorder is often a topic on the anxiety board.

Kindly,

Kitt


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/18/2011 7:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Wently I hear you completely with just about everything that you said here. I was always nervous in high school but always had good grades, and managed to make some great friends that for some odd reason are still friends with me lol. I've become an absolute former shell of the Mike they used to know. I start thinking tht I was so perfect then and that everything was going great. But then I realize and remember some of the worries/fears/thoughts I had back then. We were never, and never will be, free of anxiety. That's just a fact. But the one thing I was able to do then, which I feel I have definetly lost my ability to do, is to put my troubles to the side and focus on the task at hand. Back then I was able to put worries/thoughts/wants/etc on the backburner and just enjoy the moment. I've been in such a bad way the last 2 years, it's impossible for me to enjoy anything. I hang out with my friends once a week, maybe. A lot of times I'm so stressed/depressed I just cancel on them. I give them credit and really appreciate their loyalty to still being there for me because I know it can't be easy to put up with this crap that I do. I'm sure they feel like I don't care, like I'm a dick or whatever. But I just don't feel right, don't feel like myself, and honestly, don't really want to feel happy when it comes down to it. I mean I dream about and want to be happy, but when I go out and everyone is laughing and havinga good time, I just can't pull myself to get back to that "Happy place". I've just let myself become this miserable guy.

One thing you said that I really related to was how you got hurt and now you are very confrontational. Not to get into too much detail, but I was jumped/mugged about 2 years ago and was choked unconscious. All they got was my wallet which by that time of night, had only 5 dollars left in it lol. I've never been the same since. The anxiety/depression didn't hit me really bad at first. I would have mini panic attacks about thinking maybe I saw the car that they hopped out of when I would go shopping or just driving around. But the one reason why I said I changed, and still am changed from that incident...I don't let my guard down. Not once, not never. If I'm at a bar, if I'm in a mall, if I'm out in public anywhere, it's like I have become VERY paranoid. I am aware of everything, who's around me, who's behind me, if they're staring at me. For example, before this incident I was just out to have a good time all the time. I would just go out drinkin with my friends and fool around, joke around, was never a really aggressive type of personality at all. I would avoid any confrontations or any potential ones. about 3 months ago I was at a bar with a friend and he left first to head home on the train. I stuck around for another 20 minutes to wait for a cab to give me a lift back to my house. In that time some big guy from across the bar comes over and makes a comment to the bartender. So me being in my depressed/irritable mood told him to show some respect. This guy, who's probably about 5 inches taller and 60-80 lbs heavier then me gets in my face and tells me that the liquid courage I'm drinking isn't going to save me. Back in the day I would have just let it blow over and not think much of it, I'd still get worked up but I wouldn't instigate or add fuel to the fire. Nowadays, yea right.... I toss the glass down and tell the guy I don't need any liquid courage to take him down (in much cleaner words here). Luckily the guy just backed down, and I dont mean luckily because I was relieved that I didnt want to fight. In that moment in time, I wanted to, soooo badly, to toss this guy one of the worst beatings he's ever had in his life. But looking back now I realize how absolutely out of character that is from what I consider to be my norm.

I guess I'm just sharing with ya the fact that I to believe that experiences/events change us. I am working on my anger/paranoid issues afterwards. It's hard though, I too have these walls up that are impossible to get through. That's kind of why I laugh when I hear that song on the radio "Bulletproof" by La Roux haha. I know it's kind of shaky for a guy to relate to that song, but just the whole gist of the song of being hurt and making yourself harder and stronger. I feel like that's what I've become/becoming.
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