Feeling a bit emotional.

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CammehYaBams
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/18/2011 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Recently, I've had some issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. A lot of the time, my mates will go out and continue to build a brilliant social life. I can't always afford to go out, and so countless times I've been left behind.
My best friend managed to get with the girl he loves, but he went and ****ed off with someone else for no apparent reason. He's got several back-up options open if an attempt at a relationship fails, and I have nothing. He's always went for the same women as me, and each and every one of them goes for him. about a year ago, I was rejected by the girl I loved, and I haven't felt the same about anyone since. I'm trying, but my mate always goes for the same women. And every ****ing time, after a few months, one will say 'I used to like you' to him. None of them say that to me. See, I feel like I'm living in his shadow. He has a brilliant social life and is great with women, and all the women I've ever met have gone for him. It crushes my self esteem.
It's not fair when woman complain that men only want sex. I have a lot of love in my heart, but girls just don't seem to pay attention to that. Why is it that the crazed sex fiends get so much girls, and I get nothing, yet girls 'just love a sensitive guy'. It makes no sense to me.
And everyone seems to be getting into the habit of going out and having fun without me. Everyone's got a relationship going, everyone's with who they love. Except me. I feel so alone.
I wish I could love someone. But since I got rejected a year ago I seem to be unable to do so.
If only I could just go back to ****ing square one, where everything is simple again. That way I wouldn't have fallen out with the only girl I ever loved. Our friendship is beyond saving, she ****ing hates me.
People at school are harassing me. When I walk, I can hear them whispering and giggling to themselves behind my back, even if I never said anything to or about them. It makes me increasingly paranoid of the people around me. You never know what they're up to.
The other day, two of my friends were having a conversation in front of me like "You know who" did this, and "You know what" happened. What the **** are they hiding from me?!
With my social situation stressing me out, I'm getting worse results in school. Teachers keep moaning at me, telling me what to do. It doesn't help when you're trying to fix a slowly collapsing social life, when teachers tell me to revise for exams, and make me accustomed to doing things I just don't wanna do.
To be honest, I'm fairly sure this is just a build up of stresses showing up a bit, I don't think I'm depressed, I just feel very emotional just now. It'll probably be exam stress or something.

Please try and help me out, thanks.

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/19/2011 12:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, CammeYaBams,

It's nice that you've joined the Depression Forum, and I hope you will find friends here who understand what you're going through and will be of help to you.

My first impression is that you are very young, in high school, perhaps, and are possibly about 15 or 16 years old. That's an age when young
people are really experimenting in life and are learning about what
a social life is all about and how to relate to and deal with people.

Let me tell you first that the boy you indicate as having a great social life isn't having a social life at all. He's doing what we call "trying on outfits" to see which personality type is best for him. Social life, in reality, is a life of goodness, interest in other people, concern for good manners and good behavior. It is helpfulness, cooperation, and kindness.

None of those quailties seem to be part of your friend's behavior. In many ways you are developing a more social personality than he is. You know
that your feelings are deeper than a "fly-by-night" desire to meet every girl possible. You are aware that your heart has real feelings for caring for someone, not for sleeping around as some young people attempt.

You should keep your high standards and look for a young lady who holds similar standards. There are many of them out there; you just
need to know what to look for. Try to find a girl who is gentle, quiet, and pleasant, who dresses neatly and is concerned about neatness and goodness. She will need to be kind to people, first and foremost.
That's the type girl whom you need to look for.

Concentrate on your studies and achieving academically. Girls will notice you, believe me, if you have the qualities I just mentioned that you should look for in a girl.

If anxiety is a problem, tell your parents about it and ask for help.
A good doctor will be able to help you through the tough times right now until you do meet someone, although it isn't really essential that you meet someone to be a nice guy.

Your friend who is "social" as you say is anything but that. In time, you will learn what I mean, and you will see how the girls whom he has dated and left behind feel about him.

Teenage years are difficult until you begin to settle into an understanding of what to expect of yourself. I would list them as liking yourself for who you are, making an effort to succeed on your own academically, dressing well, being very clean in your person, and being kind to others. Try to be helpful to others without overdoing it. People will notice, believe me.

Forget about what your earlier views are of "having a great social life".
At this point, everyone is learning about social life. Some have an idea of it that is truly ridiculous; others go on with living quietly and being kind and helpful--that more closely resembles a social life.

Someone here who's close to your age is going to be in touch with you,
I feel sure.

Take care.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/19/2011 11:13:16 AM (GMT-7)


davecholly
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 2/19/2011 12:20 AM (GMT -6)   
*When I walk, I can hear them whispering and giggling to themselves behind my back*

Of course you know they aren't really, right?

CammehYaBams, I'd be willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that very, very few guys in this world have avoided the rejections you describe. It hurts like hell when it happens, and it made me gun-shy of even letting girls know my interest in them for a few months. It would be easy for me to say, "Pfft, forget it. Women are a dime a dozen. Just blow it off." But, in fact, I believe that it will just take time. Like the old saying, "Time heals all wounds."

As for the slight paranoia, all I can say is that we magnify every blemish we have. Given your recent rejection(s), your belief that people are talking about you (negatively or not) is almost certainly something that you projected onto them.

Finally, have you thought about dumping your friend?

CammehYaBams
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/19/2011 7:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Nah, I'm not getting rid of my friend, because he's a nice bloke and my best mate really. He's not one of the really macho men/crazed sex objects, he's a good friend and I can trust him with my life. It's just annoying when he always goes for the same women as me. And I'm not gonna fall out with him over girls, it isn't worth it - I'll assume you know the saying "bros before hoes" - we tend to apply that fairly often.
Although once or twice there'll be situations where I'll be on the phone to him and I'll have to repeat myself because "Sorry, I wasn't listening, I was talking to [insert name of female here]." But usually it's just little things like that, otherwise he's a good friend to me.
But thanks for your help guys! I guess I just need to look at the bigger picture a bit more :)
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