Confidence/Faith

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Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/20/2011 8:26 AM (GMT -6)   
I'll try and make this one post pretty short as I normally tend to get off topic a little bit.  Anyways, as I've shared before with you guys I am a 25 yr old guy who's been battling with seroius anxiety/depression problems for the last 2 years.  Before all these problems I was so comfortable in who I was, where I was going, what I wanted in the future and how I would go about achieving these goals.
 
One of my biggest goals was to move out 2 years ago, I soooo wanted to be on my own and be independent.  I partly wanted this because I wanted a feeling of self worth and the other half is because well, honestly, I'm 25 years old.  It's hard to do what I want to when you're living with your brothers and your parents still.  I've let this stop me from really getting involved in any relationships because although I know people date and have their significant others over and have dinner/whatever with the family, that's not me.  I'm an extremely private guy, and have always wanted to be out on my own before really giving any relationship a shot.  I love my privacy, I guess I'm just really insecure about having a lot of people around.  Another key factor was my brothers constantly having friends over, or my father having his friends over on the weekends.  At times it's kind of like I can never just kick back and relax.
 
But those were some of the reasons why I wanted to move out and I was saving up money and so excited about potentially moving out.  But now, a couple of years later, and now dealing with anxiety and depression problems that I never would have dreamed of....I doubt everything.  I doubt that I'll be able to make it on my own.  I doubt I'll be able to afford it, I doubt I'll be happy if I do do it, I doubt that I can handle a second job in fear that the stress/anxiety of being so busy would cripple me.  These are doubts I never had 3 years ago.  Honestly 3 years ago I was an absolute horse, atleast in a working sense lol.  I never had vacations working for my father and no overtime, I would work all morning/afternoon/and then sometimes even into the night on holiday weeks like 4th of july and christmas.  I didn't enjoy the long hours, but I wasn't scared of them.  There was never the doubt of "oh my god can I make it through the day".  Back then my train of thought was just "todays going to suck".  Now if I have a long day I keep thinking "this day is taknig forever, Im not going to make it."  These annoying thoughts are what drive me absolutely crazy.
 
Is confidence/faith in yourself one of the last things to come back to someone who deals with anxiety/depression?  My focus/memory is a little better the last year or so then it has been in the early stages of my issues.  But I still do not have that faith and confidence in myself back yet.  I used to go on trips down to atlantic city to the casinos to go visit my brother by myself, he'd meet me up there and have a fun night out every now and then.  Now that is honestly not even a possibility, I panic and doubt myself just a the thought of doing so.  I just want that confident/strong Mike back so badly, I don't really care if I have the same interests as the old me has.  I just want that feeling of knowing what I'm doing, knowing that it's what I want to do, and the most important part, DOING IT and ENJOYING IT.  That's the most important thing to me right now, to get that back.  I'm so indecisive and unsure about everything, I hate it.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 2/20/2011 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I can say one thing, you have mentioned drinking with your friends occasionally. That does not help your depression, it makes it worse. So first of all, I would stop drinking. Even social drinking or not even getting a buzz is bad for you. The slightest bit of alcohol can effect you in a negative way. Especially if you have depression as you do.

I think gradually we feel better. It doesn't happen over night. It comes with time and is very subtle. But there will be days that you will notice that you are getting stronger.

There is a book that I think you should get called "Feeling Good". It is also called the new mood therapy. By a Doctor Burns. I really think that this would help your way of thinking. You will be able to relax, no matter who is around. That is something that you need to learn to do anyway. Whether your brother or your father have guests, you should be able to relax. There is a power of the mind, and you need to find that. It controls the way that you think. Your fears, everything.

You are too concerned about how you are going to feel in the future, one day at a time. Quit projecting. That is not healthy. It only causes anxiety. Relax. Learn some meditation. You can do this.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/20/2011 10:20 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm actually looking up that book now on amazon and reading up on it a little bit Karen. The one thing I wanted to address which I find myself defending a lot is the casual drinking that I usually do. I typically will go out for drinks like once a week and when Id o go out I'll probalby have like 6-8 beers. I have really been trying to work on this, and honestly as bad as it sounds bringing it down to 6-8 is a huge accomplishment for me. A few years ago I would have 12-18 drinks on a night out on the weekends. But I would NEVER drnk alone and very very rarely drink during the week. Always had a commitment to my job and not being hungover/incapable of working.

The one issue I find myself battling with when it comes to cutting down on the drinking is, it's VERY hard to keep in touch with and keep my friendships intact without going out to a local bar to socialize. I'm 25 now, we're all past that sit at home watch a movie and have a few drinks stage. Or the sit around and play some video games and relax. Now it's like let's go out to the local pub for a game and have a few drinks, meet some girls and catch a good buzz. That's the mentality, and it's not just me. It's everyone in the bar, it's all my friends. And honestly, I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. It just sucks that I have this anxiety/depression because now I can't do that, and honestly if I'm not going out and enjoying ballgames at the bar, if I'm not going out to play in my softball leagues, if I'm not able to enjoy myself at backyard bbqs in the spring/summertime.....when can I really hang out with them? Am I supposed to just drop my friends or stop seeing them because I can't have a drink? I know the logical answer is just go out and limit yourself, just have 1 or two or just don't even drink at all.

It's hard to change yourself after years and years of being a certain way. If I'm in a restaurant/bar I like to enjoy a beer or two with my meal. That's what I did, that's what I like to do. If I'm in an atmosphere where everyone's dirnking, everyone's havin a great time, I want to be part of that great time. I can never do that and just watch them and be sober, it's impossible. I get pissed and down because I can't enjoy myself like I'd like to. On the flip side, I get really down and depressed when I do drink, especially more so after the socializing is all over and I'm on the ride home alone. That's when it gets bad when I do have a couple of drinks.

So it's like, darn if I do, darn if I don't. That's why I do have a couple of drinks when I go out on a friday or saturday night with my friends because I'd rather see them and atleast lose myself in some healthy conversation/socializing for a little bit, then sit home and wonder what the hell has gone wrong with me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 2/20/2011 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I go out and have an occasional beer with a friend now and then. But I prepare myself to be a little more depressed afterwards. Can you drink coke or something? I am not telling you not to drink, or that it is a bad thing. I am just saying the chemicals in the alcohol cause depression. So it is fighting against you. They say a beer a day is actually healthy for our bodies. But it doesn't help our minds. I just find that when I don't drink, I feel a lot better. And it is a fact, so if you can accept that you are going to be a little more depressed afterwards, go for it. It is sad that we need the alcohol to be social. I do too, so you aren't alone in that. It relaxes me at that specific time. But I don't drink like I use to either. I usually only have just one beer when I go out. But it does loosen me up at that time. I haven't had a beer since before Christmas. So that is how long it has been since I have even visited anybody. But I am a home body and use to it.

I think just coming here and being able to discuss things is helping you a little. You sound more chipper in your posts. I know that you have a lot of questions, and at your age, I did too. But know it isn't your duty to figure out everything at this time. There is so much we learn with age. And we do keep learning well into our senior years. Some people never do figure out life, others just live it. And that is what I have learned to do. I got fibromyalgia in about 2002. I don't think I got a diagnosis until 2003 though. I slept for two years due to pure exhaustion. The fatigue is overwhelming. One of the hardest parts of fibromyalgia is being able to make plans. And even appointments. So I was always worried about how I was going to feel the next day. Finally I realized that I just couldn't handle that anymore and I decided to take life one day at a time. It really helped. I still have a hard time making plans. With appointments, I always have to rest the day before. So far I have been doing okay. Depression can cause you to worry like that too. When you read that book, you will learn to take life one day at a time. It really helps to keep you on a happier plane. I am not saying don't make plans. Just don't worry too much about it. This relieves you and makes it easier to live because you aren't using up so much energy worrying. And believe me, that takes a lot out of you psychologically. I have faith that you will learn this. You seem very anxious to learn things. Just remember that we get the answers when we are suppose to. Life can change at a drop of a hat. For the good. Keep trying and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/20/2011 3:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Mike,

Hi there !  I am glad you are opening up about yourself here as well as you do in the A & P forum.  There are so many caring and wise members in this forum who have been a tremendous help to me.
 
I used to go out with friends after work maybe once a month or out to lunch and my friends would drink wine, beer and other drinks which I would have one or two of.  After many years I had to speak up and just explain that with the medications I take I do not drink.  Sometimes people will still try to talk me into one but I hold the line as that way the next time there is not fuss when I just order a diet coke.
 
It is hard to change youself after years but you are  25, I had to change my social drinking in my 50's  and I made it so I know you will be able to do this too.  Make it all about the socializing with friends and enjoying the company while just be you.
 
I hope this helps reassure you that change is possible even thow it may make life awkward at times.  Take care of you, Mike.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/20/2011 6:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Yea I keep telling myself that I will just go out and socialize and not drink at all, but I am just so nervous that a lot of the times I wind up having a drink or two to try and "kill the nerves". Doesn't really work, then I just get frustrated that I had a couple of drinks, knowing that it will hurt me the next day. I overthink EVERYTHING. Everything that can possibly happen, I've already thought about it, probably 100x. Probably why I don't really get shocked or surprised too much lol.

One thing that's totally off topic though. I've really been getting into working out, strictly cardio for the last 2 1/2 weeks. In the past it was SOOO easy for me to lose weight. I'd just have to go on a lil diet and sprinkle in a little cardio and the pounds would just fall off. After taking the cymbalta and zoloft, it DOESN"T MOVE!!!! I've been doing 50 minutes of cardio 5-6 times a week for the last 2 1/2 weeks or so. I haven't lost a pound! In the morning I have 3 egg whites and onions in an omelette with a coffee with low fat milk. For lunch I have a half of a subway grilled chicken sandwich on ww bread. For dinner I normally just have whatever is at my house, but have limited it to just a small portion instead of going back for multiple plates. I drink mostly water during the day too, and the weight just isn't budging at all. It really is aggravating me, starting to discourage me into thinking it's not worth working out.

Anyone experience this with the antidepressants? I know they put on weight. I've only been off the zoloft for about a week and a half, 2 weeks. Does it need to totally get out of my system before I can start losing some weight? I'm 243 right now and 5'11, way too big. My normal weight for the majority of my life was anywhere from 200-210. It's getting a little out of control, and the fact that it won't come off with 20 minutes on the treadmill, 15 on the eliptical, and 10 on the bike per day is starting to worry me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 2/20/2011 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Don't give up on the workouts. It is going to take longer to see effects. Plus you are building muscle and that weighs four times the amount of body fat. So checking to see how your clothes are fitting is a better gage than the scales.

Sounds like you are trying really hard. Being discouraged is partly from going off of the zoloft. So ease up on yourself. You are doing good actually.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 2/20/2011 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
you are.(doin' good) i have a large visceral gut that is not moving. i am on a cane and walk till i actually hurt, nothing. every other part of my body is muscular, hard work in my young days!!! will be talking to the doc for advice.............it makes me feel ugly. jamie. i eat well. am a t1 diabetic, so i must. dr says no to lymphodoema as well. time for help, it is hurting my back, legs and feet. take care, jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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