I’m a little dumb-founded right now (for lack of better words). I have shared on this forum how I’m trying to hold on, but I know that depression is rearing its ugly head inside of me. I’ve been going thru so much emotion these last few weeks. I kept telling myself that I have an appointment soon with my psychiatrist and that hopefully he can help me.
Fast forward to a about an hour ago. I went in to see my psychiatrist, and sat down and told him that things have changed, I have been really feeling depressed . (It feels hard for me to even be able to say it to him, but I am determined to get my feeling out because in order to get help, I need to tell my doctor what is going on). So he asked me a few questions about my life, and stress, any additional stress at work? Yes…struggling to do my job and how my weekends are not used for fun, but to recoup from the previous work week, how people are getting laid off…..with me..yes…I have been feeling worse and it is making me feel alienated from my family because I spend so much time being sick…and my oldest son 20 still doesn’t have a job yet..yadda yadda…so I get it all out and then he starts:
I keep talking, and I notice that he is not looking at me but looking at my file and then he interrupts me and starts asking me questions about my medication…(I still did not see where this was going so I figured…ok…) so I told him what I was currently taking as of my last visit with my pain management doctor
· Duragesic Patch .75
· Oxy IR 15 mg for break thru pain
· Nuvigil 250
· Ativan up to 2 mgs (which he prescribes) at night for sleep
· Prisitiq 50 gm
He then precedes to tell me that he feels I am taking so much medicine that perhaps if I could think about coming off of some pain medication, he would consider either an increase in anti-depression medication or a change, but that I am taking so much medication, I could end up having a stroke!!!
He said the nuvigil and prisitiq both acted as ant depression medication, without seeing on of his therapist (he has been after me for a while to see one of his “therapists” I went to see one a few times, it was a waste of time for me and I was not going to pay $100.00 a month to see someone who was not helping me. So I told him, something has to be done, I can’t keep calling my husband all day and crying. So then he said that either my primary doctor or my rheumatologist should call him to see what to do, I told him my primary doctor referred me to a pain management doctor because she could not manage my pain (in her own words…Fibromyalgia is complicated and every changing medication is available, but we don’t have time to research the latest information for it.
I’m just so upset, I feel like a freak now for taking so much medication, and I feel helpless.