my life is all messed up

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/23/2011 4:16 AM (GMT -6)   
i have to say just yesterday i thought i was the happiest girl on earth, i had friends, i had a guy that i really liked, i'm moving forward...but today i feel like i just saw the truth behind the curtains.

i dont know why i feel like everything in my life is messed up, my family dislike me, my friends secretly dislike me and most of them are backstabbers, my ex thinks im a pain in the ass while the new guy im talking to thinks he can do whatever he wants with me, to top it up i'm failing in school and at my job.
i feel so pathetic and worthless. i just wanna curl up in a ball and pretend everything ok...

I want to fix this... i feel like everyday im trying to fix something but i end up going back down hill..i just dont understand whats the problem...maybe its just me?
i want some space from everything at least, even school, i want to sit down and cry and let everything out. i really want to give up because its so hard to try to to be better when i'm not even sure y i should even change

i thought about it for awhile, imagining my life if i had the good looks, good styles, independent, healthy and being strong. i would have the confidence to ignore everybody's put downs and negative things they do. maybe guys wouldnt see me as someone to play with, maybe i would have friends who would like me, maybe my family wouldnt judge me so much and ignore me, maybe i would feel confident at work...

maybe i wouldnt care so much that my life is hard because i havent tried to fix myself first...

now that i think about it, i realize something. i grew up with my older sister and she hates me. her eyes are constantly watching me, and every guy she had a crushed on went out with me. we use to be close sisters until i told her secrets and she ended up telling the world. later after i stopped talking to her she spies on me and sticks her nose in my life and talks about me to other people. she grew up looking like a nerd where all the guys choose me over her and now she's perfect and every guy wishes she was with them. Now i feel like im jealous, i watched my life pass by and i still remain the same while she got better.

im so confused, i hate the fact that i have no idea what im doing wrong and theres so much drama, i hate the fact that i dont know where to go from here or how i can fix myself

Post Edited (chamari) : 2/23/2011 2:47:44 AM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 2/23/2011 5:47 AM (GMT -6)   
having an all nighter? I have felt those feelings. They were worse when I was younger but they still show up and disrupt my life if I let them sit in my mind for too long.

Sounds like you may be jealous a bit. It's hard with siblings that you don't get along with.

Deciding what you want to do and be, are empowering thoughts. That can be a good starting point. It's good to try and "fix yourself", but life is a growing process and being happy where you are and who you are in the here and now is important too.

For the here and now part I try to appreciate the good things I have in life. There is usually someone having a harder time than me. I try to help people an that makes me feel useful and happier. then I try to work On what mI want to be and make small goals I can measure so it doesn't feel hopeless to reach them.

Yeah life is not easy. At least to me. School years are hard. Don't give up. They are worth trying to get through and great to feel the accomplishment of succeeding.

I have journal written about life to myself over the years and that helps think things out. I can look back and see I have learned things and made progress in life.

Hope your sad thoughts pass some and you can be excited about something happy for you in life.
Those things we keep trying to do get easier not because the feat gets easier but our ability to "do" gets better.
Thyroid cancer removed 1988
Stomach problems finally figured out 2001 Crohn's/Colitus
Tried every drug without much success
Colon/rectal cancer removed Aug 2009
6 Grown kids, grandkids and a great husband to keep me busy

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 2/23/2011 11:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Allow yourself to have a good cry and let everything out. You will see that it isn't as bad as you think.

Try not to compare yourself to others. There will always be greater and lesser people than yourself. We are just here. Be you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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