Tips for acceptance

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/27/2011 12:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I have my appointment with my therapist coming up this saturday.  I am really looking foward to it because I feel like it's been too long between sessions with him going on vacation and all.  I could definetly use a little reassurance or some tips from a professional at the moment.  One positive thing that I've been noticing is that I'm feeling more "alive" since being off the meds.  I don't know if this is because maybe the antidepressents are sedatives or something, or if I just feel better about myself for being off everything.
 
One problem I continuously face though is acceptance.  It's a thought process I find myself spiraling into multiple times throughout the day sometimes.  I'll begin to think about how this happened to me, how I let it get so bad, and will it ever get so bad again?  It's like a feeling as if someone has robbed me of my pride/self-worth.  Growing up and right up to when I had my "emotional breakdown" as I like to call it now, I always felt invincible.  I always believed in every thought I had, everything I did, I never questioned things to the degree that I do now.
 
So now whenever I'm doing an activity I'm thinking the whole time, is this healthy?  Is this what I really want to do?  Then I'll monitor my thoughts sometimes just to see if they're normal or if they're getting strange/out there.  I do this I guess because I'm scared of going crazy so I just try and hold on as much as I can.  Another main problem of mine is the fact that I relate everything I do/hear/see to anxiety/depression.  It's like your mind sees only which you want it to.  So I just see the depression/doubt/anxieties in others.  And no I'm not hearing their thoughts or anything like that, it's more like I'm more sensitive now I guess when they talk about their feelings.  I'll take one small comment about how they say "omg I have a test coming up and Im so going to fail" or something like that, and my mind will take that and run with it.  I'lll start thinking about how it seems like everyone is anxious/depressed and that kind of brings me down more.  I guess it took me until the age of 25 to realize now, that I am definetly a glass half empty kind of guy.
 
Anyone else struggle with the fact that this has happened to them?  I want what I'm sure all of us do here...just to live my life.  Where are those days when I didn't have to worry about my emotional/mental health?  When I didn't question my sanity?  Why can't I just go out and have a good time without these ridiculous fears/worries.  All the worries/fears/doubts really make me not feel like much of a man.  Especially the struggling with accepting the fact that I was so depressed a year ago that I wanted to hurt myself.  That's very hard for me to swallow everytime I see a show on suicide or hear about someone in the paper who has done so.  It brings up some really bad memories and makes me feel weak.

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/27/2011 12:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Here's a link to a song I just heard and related to a lot, the feelings of the artist anyway. Not that I lost any loved ones, which kind o fmakes me feel more down because atleast he had a reason for getting so down. I don't have any reason for feelin this way. But it's a pretty good song though

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSPneyQl3Zc

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 2/27/2011 1:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mike,

I am glad that you are seeing your therapist soon. I know that you have been waiting. I hope that your session goes well.

I wish you could think less. Put all your fears and worries into a basket and put a lid on it. Leave it at home when you go out. I know it is easier said than done, but practice doing it. See if it helps.

When I use to meditate a lot, if I had a headache, I would picture it as a bubble. I would actually picture hitting it with a hammer and my headache would go away. The mind is powerful. Learn to use it to your advantage. And keep reading that book. How is that going by the way?

Keep posting and know we are all here for you. I hope that your day gets better and you have less worry. Slow down your thinking process if you can. Practice...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/27/2011 2:33 PM (GMT -6)   
It's so hard Karen, my mind goes a million mph all the time. Just got back from the gym and the whole time I was there my mind was all over the place. I seirously think about sooooo much pointless crap. I try my hardest to stop it and to focus on things that are happening, it just seems so impossible. The meds didn't do that for me either, not quite sure if there's really an answer for it. I'm going to ask my therapist saturday about maybe using a klonopin or a xanax for when I get these really bad racing thoughts. I seriously just thought about things such as....moving out, buying a waverunner, work, my anxiety & depression, my anger problems today, how I feel like my life isj ust being run for me and im not in control of it, how I'll never be happy, how the things that I believe or think will make me happy (cant wait til summertime, cant stop thinking about going to the beach and just relaxing) might not work, how I'm single and alone and just sit around for the majority of the day until I get so fed up that I pull myself out of bed to go to the gym. Then right back to bed. Pretty vicious cycle. I'll keep you posted though, and I've been working on the book I'm about 100 pages in. Only thing that seems kind of hard to start practicing is that the book says to make all these charts and write down all the thoughts/triggers/moods/etc. That's a lot of writing down to do in a given day, I don't want to have to write down all my emotions like that everyday. What if someone sees it and gets totally freaked out or something?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/27/2011 3:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Mike,
 
I can understand your feelings of loneliness and wanting to be accepted.   You are not alone. I often have found myself there and it's a horrible place to be. But don't give up. You can't dwell on the past, only enjoy the present.

One of the biggest lessons I've ever learned I discovered recently. You can look to someone or something else to make you happy. But in the end, only YOU can make yourself happy. You have to be happy with yourself, have pride in yourself, be comfortable with who you are before you can truly expect someone else to feel the same about you. As the old saying goes, you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you.

It makes me sad to read this. I'm sorry for the way you're feeling, but please don't give up. Never get up but keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Kindly,

Kitt


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 2/27/2011 3:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mike,

I just had a huge post written out and I lost it all by hitting the wrong key. That is so frustrating. I will have to try to remember what all I wrote. Oh well, things happen as they say.

First of all, I didn't do the worksheets either. I would do them in my head, but I didn't do them all the time. So Just read the book for now and you can always come back to that. It is still going to be work. But I think you are up for it.

Just keep practicing being mindful. Try to do it whenever you think of it. Concentrate on what you are doing at the time. When your mind starts to wanter put up that mental stop sign and start focussing again. With practice, you can do it all the time and eventually it becomes second nature.

I had so much written in my first post. For instance, when I exercise, I focus on my breathing, contracting muscles and the certain muscles that I am working at the time. I focus on the right posture. All of that. Actually you can do certain exercises that work different muscles depending on what you are focussing on at that particular time. The mind is so powerful. As you think with negativity, it can become truth because that is how you are viewing your life at that time. But if you turn that thinking around and thing positive, the glass being half full, that can become truth too. We are who we think we are at that time. If you think you are ugly, you will see yourself ugly. If you think you are attractive, that is how you will see yourself. And others see that too. They can see if you are liking yourself or not. Perceptive people can that is. Often we can fool others into thinking that we are confident. But if we really are, it shows. Know that you are just as good and as important as the next person. You have the power to feel and look good. You may need help along the way but you will get there. Keep reading, keep practicing. You can do it.

Kitt is so right when she says that only you can make yourself happy. And you have the power within you to do that. Even if you have to lower expectations for attainable goals. A little at a time. And we will try to help you along the way.

Keep trying...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 2/27/2011 3:58 PM (GMT -6)   
They're all here for you, Mike. Please be sure to tell your psychiatrist
about the racing thoughts because that's a symptom of possible manic reaction to depression. You may be reacting to depression by switching to manic thoughts for relief. That's why the medications are so vital to restore a chemical imbalance. There are some meds that you can take that will not give you those bad physical reactions. And
there are other things that help, too. After you've seen your psychiatrist, maybe we should talk about that a little. Four of the most important ones are don't drink anything with alcohol in it, or eat or drink anything containing caffeine. Include chocolate in that list, too. Those things make the illness worse. Drink water instead, please, and make sure that you get your rest.

I think Getting By is one who has suggested that it often takes several experiments with medications to get the right one (or ones) that bring everything into focus again.

We press so hard for meds to help make it easier because we know
that they work effectively. I admire your wish to remain free of medications, and it is true that a few have been able to do it with changes in diet, but then you are rearranging your life's eating habits which isn't easy to do, either.

If it turns out that you have bipolar illness, psychiatrists know now that
aspirin will help relieve the symptoms. You could consider that as a help until you talk to your doctor again.

I'm not a doctor and can recommend only what I have been told by specialists. Get directions from your psychiatrist about what medications are best for you. I would even suggest that you print a copy of your posts today and ask your psychiatrist what he thinks about your feelings today.

Glad to see you holding with these good forum moderators. They know their stuff; that's for sure.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/27/2011 3:12:10 PM (GMT-7)


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/27/2011 5:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone so much for the replies. As I'm getting older Kitt I'm realizing what you said more and more as well. I've actually thought about that a lot, that it's no mystery that I've been single and alone up until now because that's pretty much how I viewed myself. Why would someone give me a shot if I acted this way, I know it would be very hard for me to get to know someone else and have feelings for them if they demonstrated the same bad feelings towards themself. It's something I've been working on, very far from it working, but I think I'm making small steps in the right direction.

I'm going to keep reading the book and finish it and hopefully I can pick up a few pointers and things that I can put into practice to help manage my bad times. As I keep dealing with these problems day after day, I get a little more worried that I could be bipolar. The reason why I think this is exactly what you mentioned Genetic, my mind does not stop. It never quits, ever. I wish my body had the endurance as my mind has, I'd be able to work out non stop then lol. I need to be constantly busy or else my thoughts start runnin all over the place. I'm getting very scared that I'm going to get myself in trouble lately too. I walk around with this chip on my shoulder, it's more like a boulder really. My fuse is so short and I have a very hard time dealing with any confrontations/insults/teasing. I get ridiculousy upset so fast.

For example, I asked a customer for his ID at the bank because I had to validate him in the system before I could process the withdrawal. He gets pissed and mumbled "you gotta be f'n kidding me" and throws his license at me. It took every ounce of energy in me not to punch this guy in the face. I wanted to hop over the counter and go after him, because I felt like he disrespected me, which he did. But why do I get so mad at this stuf? Granted I would have ALWAYS gotten mad about this, because it is pretty darn arrogant on his part. But why do I get SO mad now? That's what I fear is going to get me into trouble, and I am trying to manage it. That's also another reason why I think I could be bipolar because of how short my fuse has become. I almost got into a bar fight about 6 months ago, I was instigating it to prove to myself that I'm not scared, to toughen up, to not give in or give up. Really wild stuff I know, makes me really uneasy to know that I'm not in control of my emotions. I always used to be...

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/27/2011 8:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Mike,
Does your gym offer yoga classes? That can be a great way to focus your mind.

I wouldn't worry about anyone seeing your journal. People tend to be pretty wrapped up in their own thoughts & if anyone asks, just say they are your private thoughts about how to reach your life goals. If writing helps, go for it!

If writing doesn't help, you could try actively replace the negative thoughts with positive ones -- easier said than done. If I am thinking about how I must be crazy or messed up or whatever, I replace that with "I am completely calm & sane. I know this is true. People who know and care about me agree that I am a calm, sane, positive person." And I just keep repeating that in my head (or writing it down on paper) over and over for as long as it takes until the negative thoughts stop.

One site that is helping me with anger (which seems to be worse when I'm feeling stressed or threatened) is www.angriesout.com/index.htm#grownups. It's semi-written for kids & families, but I've found it helpful anyways.

But whatever works for you is what you should do. Trust in yourself. You are wise enough & capable enough to handle this. I believe in you! :)

peace,
t

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 2/28/2011 7:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Have another random question for you guys. Should I be worried or start to worry about the fact that a lot of times I think that I'm doing all the work? Like in reality I know it's not true, but when I'm stacked up to my ears in paperwork/checks/etc I feel like other ppl aren't helping out. Although I know they are, it's just this "woah is me" type of feeling. like "why am I doing this? Why doesnt someone else do it? I should be doin something else". It's an annoying thought to battle with and I hate that I even have to wrestle around with it in my head.

And just another thing that scares me a little bit is my loneliness. I totally feel alone all the time. Even around friends and family, I still just don't feel like I'm connected or bonded with anyone, I just feel numb for the most part. It's weird to feel that way and thats what makes me feel like I'm not normal, the fact that I feel absolutely no connection. And I mean no disrespect to this because I appreciate your input so much when I'm venting on here. But even when you guys say you're not along, we're here for you, and when my family says that. It's almost like my brain never registers it, it's as if I just automatically tune that out. Whats with that?

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/28/2011 8:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Mike,
Just try to hang in there until Saturday. Your therapist can help you work on additional strategies for dealing with compulsive thoughts. For now, just know that it's perfectly normal to have those thoughts. We don't have control over those things we think of in a split second. All we can control is how we react to them (whether they make us worried or upset, or if we just let them go as easily as they come) and whether we quickly replace them with other thoughts.

Some day you will heal enough that the process will be more automatic. Until then, just keep telling yourself that you know the thought isn't true, that you're not alone, that people are doing their fair share of the work & you are safe and cared for. Try to keep the anger from getting the best of you, but if it does apologize, make amends, and move forward.

Wishing you the best,
t
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, June 19, 2018 8:44 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,973,180 posts in 326,066 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 160947 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Mysti Sherwood.
431 Guest(s), 13 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Broken0ne, Serenity Now, PAPUN, Almost a 10, Stevo68, Darla, Sherrine, Tudpock18, Union98, CAdogsRus, Kay Tee, straydog, iPoop