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Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 3/4/2011 8:02 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been counting down the days from my last appointment with my therapist until the one I have tomorrow. I feel like it's been FOREVER.  This morning was such a rough one for me.  I didn't have work until 1130 and sitting around the house makes me soooo bad.  I wanted to go to the gym all morning but I couldn't pull myself to go so I just sat around and played video games all morning.  I keep having thestupid self defeating thoughts that I'm no lnoger that guy who can go in the gym and lift weights and feel good about it.  I just go through the motions when I go there and it's a pretty miserable experience.  Used to bea ble to go by myself to the gym and workout and feel great about it.  Now it just feels empty and pointless.  Pretty much have that feeling for a lot of things.
When I finally got to work today, oh my was terrible.  I felt like I didn't even recognize anybody at work.  I started getting a panic attack the first hour at work, my mind was going 100 mph about all these ridiculously stupid thoughts. about how I am so crazy, how I'm losing my mind, about how come I can't shake this dreamlike feeling.  Why can't I just focus at the task at hand, why am I so confused.  Two of the people at work that I'm cool with at work were trying to talk and jokea round with me ( I think to cheer me up because they saw something was up, or atleast I thought they noticed) and I was just kind of blowing them off.  I was in such a ridiculous mood, it kind of got better after the first hour or two of work though.  But it was pretty unbearable, I haven't had that at work for awhile now.  One factor that was contributing to my anxiety was worrying about religious thoughts.  I started reading a religious book last night and spent like an hour and a half reading it.  When I woke up this morning I just kept thinking about some of the stuff that I read and if I started to believe it or not.  Then at work I was worrying about what I was thinking about.  I was worrying about why I was worrying about religion, and why I wasnt worrying about my job, or sports, or my friends, stuff that I normally am concerned with.  That's what I think sent me into a ridiculous worry cycle.  I can't stand this though, I totally lost my calm cool collected trait.  I used to be such a laid back and relaxed guy before all of this.  Now I constantly worry/panic.  Makes me think that I'm schizo how much I panic and the new interest in trying to be more religious.  Which I now think might not be such a great idea, I knew I always get panicked and uneasy talking about the topic.  I should have known that this would happen for trying to get more involved in it.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 3/4/2011 9:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Do you have your list of concerns to take to the session with you? I would write everything down including all the stuff that you have told us in the last week or so.

You can get medication for obsessive thinking. I would talk to the pdoc about that. I think it would really help you to solve a lot of problems.

In fact you have started about four or five threads in the last week or so and it all seems to boil down to the fact that you can't focus on what you are doing at the time and thinking too much. So instead of starting new threads that all pertain to pretty much the same thing. I am going to start you one thread that you can put everything about yourself on it. That way we can keep everything together. You can discuss different topics on it as long as it still pertains to depression.

I do notice that you have defeative thinking also. Pessimestic (sp)thinking. I don't know if you notice it or not, but you usually defeat yourself before you even start on things because you say that you are going to fail. Or you are thinking that. I use to go through that. When your depression lifts, you wont think like that anymore. In fact you will probably see all kinds of thinking patterns when you start to think differently.

You haven't said anything about the feeling good book, so I am wondering if you are still reading it? O sure hope that you do stick with it. LIke I said, jump around and read parts that are easier for you or more interesting.

Well, I am going to start that thread for you.

I hope that you are feeling better.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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