In that dark place

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/7/2011 12:53 AM (GMT -6)   
I've been in a major depression episode for about a month now. I have a psyc doc who added a new med last week. I have a therapist that I connect well with. I tell them both everything that is going on. But this is the worst episode I have had in a decade. I'm isolating myself, wearing the same clothes all week and not cleaning my place. I cannot see a future where any happiness is possible. I get no joy from anything. At my therapists suggestion I gave my firearms to a friend. I also signed a no harm agreement. But the agony this time is not tolerable.

  • I'm 51 yrs old and have been married 3 times
  • I weigh nearly 300 pounds
  • I am a trans woman
  • My nearest relative is a 5 hour plane trip away

On the plus side
  • I have a good job
  • I have a dog

I know this is the illness talking. I know my mood will get better, just not sure I want to wait.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/7/2011 6:28:50 AM (GMT-7)

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 3/7/2011 4:19 AM (GMT -6)   
oh my dear i have been in that pit..........suicide is not the answer...........beleive me i know!!!! i just wish i could give you a hug. you are a beautiful person.....know this, things do improve.......they will. but i need you to fight!!!!!!!!!!!!! fight with me Wintergarden, a beautiful name as well. when we hit rock bottom, that's it.........the only way is up!!! keep talking with your therapist and doc, help is out there.
remember thqat you are a precious human being of this earth with gifts and talents unique to only you wintergarden. pls present to a +e if you feel at risk. or call the psych depatrment of your nearest hospital. hey you have been brave and shown some guts coming on here and telling us your situation, keep being brave and let the pros help too, ok. with healing compassion, jamie


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 3/7/2011 8:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Wintergarden,

I love your name too. Welcome to the forum. No suicide is not the answer. I had to edit your post as we are not to talk aobut it on this forum.

I wonder if a different med would be the answer, or a mood stabilizer to go with what you are already taking. You need to talk to the doc and let him know that something isn't working. Let him know your mental state at this time. Hopefully he can get you on something better. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
PS  If you look into the depression resources at the top of the page, you will find emergency numbers and sites if you need them.  I hope that you feel better soon.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 3/7/2011 6:35:12 AM (GMT-7)

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/7/2011 8:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you

It feels good to know there are people that care

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