Sorry, but I'm not really sure what to put for the subject. I didn't want to feel like I put something dumb for the subject.
Hi, I'm new. I'm just seeing if these site is really helpful. Hopefully I posted this right, if not I apologize.
I don't know why... I'm posting.... but I guess here it goes.
I used to be abused throughout my childhood, but I still had love from my dad's side of the family. I was first abused by my dad, my mom didn't do anything to stop it but laugh. Until I called the cops on him once, he stopped, now he is nice. Then my mom started to abuse me, whenever she was angry. Every time she got mad and hit me, I'd go to my aunts house. The house I loved going to, they loved me and were there for me. Now that's changed, ever since I talked to my counselor and told her about
my mom she reported it to the child services. My mom tells lies to my aunt, and now my aunt doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't even talk to me like before, she used to hug me all the time she saw me. Now, when she sees me she just stares. My mom's side of the family thinks bad of me too because she tells lies. One of my aunts were telling me why did I report my mom? I'm causing more trouble now, it's just discipline. I know it's not because she'd hit me until I was bruised, I never did anything really bad. Even though she still hit me I still kept a smile on my face in front of everyone and laughed. Now she doesn't abuse me, but still verbal abuse, it hurts more than her hitting me. I've taken all her words for years, but now every time she says something, my heart can't take it anymore. She tells me why should have I been born? I should have died. Hearing that from my own mom really hurts, even though I never cry when she tells me harsh words, I keep them in. I keep my feelings in, I just wish I had someone to talk to when I'm down, I'm just scared someone will be annoyed if I talk to them. I just keep it to myself, I don't want someone telling me, "tell it to someone who cares." I use to have this teacher to talk to, but now I've left that school and she moved to a different school. I just don't have anyone to talk to. Even though I have little sister who I'm close with, I just don't want to tell her what I feel. I want her to see me as a happy person to see.
After I reported her and court was still going on, I stopped talking to my aunt and the family, I don't know why but I just don't go to school anymore. My life is just horrible, I'm not finishing high school which I regret, now I'm getting my GED, but I just don't have confident in anything. I feel like I'm going to fail at everything. I feel like I'm such a horrible person. I once thought because it'd just end my heartache of being such a waste in life. I still sometimes think it, and wonder who would care if I just went away for good? I think no one will care, my parents don't evenr talk to me or ask me how am I feeling or am I okay? I'm jealous of people who are close to their parents. I've never head my parents told me that they loved me... or anyone.
I don't talk to anyone anymore, I use to be happy, laughing, smiling, talking, and play little pranks on people. I loved making people happy, even though myself wasn't happy. I thought about
posting here because I'm not sure why, but I don't know... Just giving this a try.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/9/2011 6:24:11 AM (GMT-7)