a not so good mom' confess

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qjenxu
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 3/9/2011 9:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been this forums for a few days, see some one upset about their parents and see some one really needs help form their parents. This triggers a big part of guilty inside of me. thinking back to when I just had my baby boy 15 years ago, I was able to love him completely. Until he was 2 years old, marriage crashed, a hard divorce on custody issue. I had a full time unstable job with lots of stress, a often sick toddler with no one watch him besides daycare. I was mentally, financially, and emotionally stressed out and lots lots of worry and scare(no relative in the state at all) . besides lots of kiss and hugs to my boy, I yelled him, I spanked him when he didn't do what I wanted him to do, I cried in front of him sometimes, I truly think these are abusive behave. even thought I feel sooooo guilty after I being nasty to him, but I just can't control when I had a buster. I didn't know I was depressed and have anxiety, all i know was I am a horrible mother. When my boy reach 10 years old, I met and married a wonderful man who is totally supportive and loving us. My life is lot better since then. But, with a high expectation for my boy, or wanted him get disciplined´╝î I still yell at him when I was not able to control myself. I am surprised that i never think i was not health that need seeking outside help. The strong love and the willingness of denotation made me a *****y mother. I hate myself so much. Until recently, i read some great book talk about how to raise boy that I know more about what boy want and what boy needs, I realized i didn't so many wrong things. I cried many times in my heart to ask my boy forgive me for all the harsh behave and language I gave him. also now, my son and I are very close and we spend lots of time together and he loves me but I just can't forgive myself. those abusive behave that I did to my son, is something i even can't tell my shrink because I am too shameful. I feel Relieved now after I typed up this confess. I want ask my son to forgive me and I want ask anyone here who had issue with their parents to forgive me. I don't think I ever will forgive myself until I see my son is living a happy life. Now My son suffer from depression which I know I am the part of reason. The only thing i can do is try my best to help my son recover from depression. May God give me and give my son strength!

sorry for the long post.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 3/9/2011 10:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I think you should have a heart to heart with your son and ask his forgiveness. I think that would help you to feel better. Another thing that you could do is go to counseling to work through this. You don't need to feel guilty anymore. Set it free. You love your son, that is obvious. We make mistakes and that is in the past. Live for the moment. I am glad that you feel better about this. Keep posting and know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 3/10/2011 10:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi,
I agree with Karen that it would be a good idea to share your feelings with your son. Also, perhaps family therapy would help. You & he (and maybe your husband) could sit down & talk about the past, present and future and what each of you can do to help the others be as happy & healthy as possible.

best wishes,
Tirzah :)
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