I have been feeling sad, lonely, and depressed since last summer. The feelings and symptoms go away for days, sometimes weeks, but I constantly fall into a state of loneliness, anxiety, worrisome...I hate it.
I am a guy currently in college and this is my second semester at a new school (I transferred). I love my university but I feel that feeling this way hasn't allowed me to become involved, meet new friends, have a decent social life, and fully concentrate in my classes. There are days when I am motivated, engaged, and happy, I guess. However, very often I find myself sad, distracted, and feeling lonely for things I can't even pin point myself.
There are factors like my family, health, work, and relationships that definitely stress me at times. My lack of motivation is seriously bothering me. I try to be proactive, to have initiative, but I just always seem to end up in the same state all the time: dazed, lost in my mind, alone trying to find courage to tackle all my problems. The thing is that once I do find some courage within me, it seems to only last a few hours and then this crap comes back. I am trying to set up an appointment with a counselor soon to receive professional advice. I've been trying to fight this on my own for about six months now but I think I've given up on the idea. It just really, really bothers me so much to feel great one moment capable on taking on anything to then feeling like crap, alone, and just so unmotivated to do anything.
I have been trying to make new friends and I even suck at this now. I used to be very social and outgoing and now I feel as if someone had rewired me, and now I'm unable to lead a normal social life. I used to participate a lot in class and now it's the exact opposite. At times when I raise my hand to give the answer to a question or make a comment, I become nervous and my heart races (It palpitates and I can feel it just sitting there). I've become concerned with what others think of me.
It really bothers me that at a time when I'm supposed to be making meaningful connections, I'm actually feeling like crap. It's also strange that I feel like this because I do go out and have fun, mostly with friends from my job. I've sort of tried to let go of old friendships simply because they're people who do not really interest me now. They've either become conceited, drug addicts, or worse- those who do nothing with their lives. I've also tried to let go of my old friends because we don't even share many things in common. These were mostly friends I hung out with in high school- a time when I went through serious changes. I feel that as a young kid I sort of just fell into a group of friends and took up their likes and styles to feel like a part of something. I became more independent in high school and changed the way I dressed, began listening to other music, became more scholarly, and just more in touch with the human experience I guess. Out of these friends, I am definitely the smartest and more intellectual (not to sound cocky). This was actually one of the reasons I started hanging out with other people and making changes in high school. I still keep in touch, but very distantly with these friends.
I've tried to make new friends but it just seems so difficult to enter a new social circle of you will. In college, everyone has their group of friends already and I don't want come off as a clingy person, a loser with no friends. But I definitely do no want to hang out with my old friends either.
Well, I just realized that this is becoming a very long post so I'll stop here. Please give me some advice. I will be glad to say more about me if someone is interested. Sorry for making this so long and being all over the place with what I'm feeling, this is my first time in a forum. I hope I get some insight into my issues. Thanks in advance to all.