seriously depressed...I need advice

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/13/2011 6:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been feeling sad, lonely, and depressed since last summer. The feelings and symptoms go away for days, sometimes weeks, but I constantly fall into a state of loneliness, anxiety, worrisome...I hate it.
I am a guy currently in college and this is my second semester at a new school (I transferred). I love my university but I feel that feeling this way hasn't allowed me to become involved, meet new friends, have a decent social life, and fully concentrate in my classes. There are days when I am motivated, engaged, and happy, I guess. However, very often I find myself sad, distracted, and feeling lonely for things I can't even pin point myself.
There are factors like my family, health, work, and relationships that definitely stress me at times. My lack of motivation is seriously bothering me. I try to be proactive, to have initiative, but I just always seem to end up in the same state all the time: dazed, lost in my mind, alone trying to find courage to tackle all my problems. The thing is that once I do find some courage within me, it seems to only last a few hours and then this crap comes back. I am trying to set up an appointment with a counselor soon to receive professional advice. I've been trying to fight this on my own for about six months now but I think I've given up on the idea. It just really, really bothers me so much to feel great one moment capable on taking on anything to then feeling like crap, alone, and just so unmotivated to do anything.
I have been trying to make new friends and I even suck at this now. I used to be very social and outgoing and now I feel as if someone had rewired me, and now I'm unable to lead a normal social life. I used to participate a lot in class and now it's the exact opposite. At times when I raise my hand to give the answer to a question or make a comment, I become nervous and my heart races (It palpitates and I can feel it just sitting there). I've become concerned with what others think of me.
It really bothers me that at a time when I'm supposed to be making meaningful connections, I'm actually feeling like crap. It's also strange that I feel like this because I do go out and have fun, mostly with friends from my job. I've sort of tried to let go of old friendships simply because they're people who do not really interest me now. They've either become conceited, drug addicts, or worse- those who do nothing with their lives. I've also tried to let go of my old friends because we don't even share many things in common. These were mostly friends I hung out with in high school- a time when I went through serious changes. I feel that as a young kid I sort of just fell into a group of friends and took up their likes and styles to feel like a part of something. I became more independent in high school and changed the way I dressed, began listening to other music, became more scholarly, and just more in touch with the human experience I guess. Out of these friends, I am definitely the smartest and more intellectual (not to sound cocky). This was actually one of the reasons I started hanging out with other people and making changes in high school. I still keep in touch, but very distantly with these friends.
I've tried to make new friends but it just seems so difficult to enter a new social circle of you will. In college, everyone has their group of friends already and I don't want come off as a clingy person, a loser with no friends. But I definitely do no want to hang out with my old friends either.
Well, I just realized that this is becoming a very long post so I'll stop here. Please give me some advice. I will be glad to say more about me if someone is interested. Sorry for making this so long and being all over the place with what I'm feeling, this is my first time in a forum. I hope I get some insight into my issues. Thanks in advance to all.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/14/2011 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   

Reducing anxiety in our daily lives is not hard to do once we know how. In our fast paced and stress filled world, anxiety has become a normal part of life. In small amounts, anxiety keeps us alert and out of danger, sparks us to action, and helps us to live a long and more fruitful life. When anxiety becomes so severe that it limits our functions and cripples us from living a normal life, we need to start thinking about reducing anxiety.

If you find yourself at a point where you need help in reducing anxiety then you have two options: seek professional help if you feel you cannot do it on your own or use some practical methods to help reduce your everyday stress.

I am a sufferer of chronic anxiety. In the past I sought out professional help, but now use many practical methods on my own to reduce anxiety. The main objective is remembering what you are capable of doing.

One method professional counselors use to help reduce anxiety is to get the person to limit the amount of "stressors" in their daily life. Psychologists call this avoidance learning. The main idea of avoidance learning is when you know there is something causing stress and anxiety in your life, you need to make an extra effort to avoid the situation or object.

An example of a stressor would be if something traumatic happened like being embarrassed when giving a speech or presentation. In the future, you're going to make every effort to avoid giving another presentation thereby limiting your anxiety.

The problem with the use of avoidance learning as the only method for reducing anxiety is that avoidance learning does not take into account the mental aspects of anxiety. The cause of an anxiety disorder does not have to be physical; mental images and thoughts can cause heightened anxiety. Any plan for reducing anxiety must include gaining control of damaging thoughts and mental images.

One way to change thought patterns is by limiting time spent thinking. Find a hobby or a distraction that you enjoy, preferably one that has a high degree of mental concentration. Painting and drawing are good examples. With both these activities, your mind is on the task at hand so you have very little time to picture or think about what causes you stress. The main point is to find something you enjoy that can be done for a long period of time.

Relaxation exercises are also good for occupying mental capacity. Relaxation exercises are techniques to relax muscles and relieve tension by using controlled breathing and muscle flexing. They usually involve sitting down in a comfortable chair, closing your eyes and systematically tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in your body, usually starting with the legs and feet.

As you slow down your breathing and work your muscles, you are supposed to mentally put yourself in what you would consider a relaxing situation. The best thing about relaxation exercises is that they can be done almost anywhere and at anytime. Remember to use a sitting position when doing the exercises rather than lying down since you do not want to fall asleep.

It does sound like you have sx of depression as well as some thoughts you need to toss out an accept your friends for who they are. If they are not safe for you then do pull back from them but remember each person is different skills.  We all learn from each other. Have you talked with your parents about seeing a therapist ?
Take care,



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