It seems like you are totally emotionally invested with her. All of your egg are in one basket, especially since you don't have a great relationship with your family, and you are fearing losing what you are invested in. Part of being in a relationship is trust, you have to trust that she wouldn't do anything to hurt you, you can't monitor her all the time and if it takes her a while to test you back, its nothing to get worked up over. I feel like this relationship for you may become an obsession and that is just going to hurt both of you. If you can try to find someone around you that you trust and can talk with about whats going on. It'll be good to get it out. I wish i could give you some better advice other than that but its a good first step.
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
with your past and your future precisely divided, Am I at that moment?. . I haven't decided.