Freaked out and confused.

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/15/2011 9:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello All,
I need some imput and to see if anyone else has any experience with what I am currently going through. I was diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder about six years ago. I was put on Paxil and saw a therapist once a week and that worked well for me. I went off to college and stop having panic attacks and stopped therapy. Fast forward to last September. I moved to the other side of the state for graduate school in Social Work (which probably makes what I am going through even worse b/c I know the signs of most disorders and it makes it more confusing). I had a hard time fitting in with my program (not academically, I got all A's and the schoolwork doesn't stress me out that much, just normal amounts of stress). I just never connected to the town. I have a roommate but we never talk. My only friend is my boyfriend who lives on the other side of the state. I don't have cable or anything to really distract's mostly school work and I don't have a job. This semester I opted not to have an internship and so I go to class two days a week and don't do anything the other five. I sit in my room and watch one TV show on DVD over and over. I've always felt lonely, but didn't pay much heed to it. Last Friday my roommate went home, so I had the apartment to myself and I got drunk because I was bored and I guess lonely. My boyfriend wanted to visit, but I had alot of school work to do and couldn't entertain him. So Saturday I woke up feeling fine and was taking a shower (bc I had to go on campus to print off paper (I hate my college, so I dread going there)). I had this random thought like "OMG I'm so freaking lonely." and I immediately felt sad and anxious, which I chalked up to not wanting to drive to campus. So i went to campus and was feeling on edge but still functional and when I came home and walked in the door I felt this intense feeling of dread and kept thinking my boyfriend was going to die, like a racing thought that wouldn't stop while being highly highly highly anxious. I went for a walk outside and talked to a family member and kept asking her if I was going crazy. I was convinced I was going crazy. I was scared to go back into my apartment so I walked outside in 20 degree weather for almost two hours. I decided to drive home and continued to be really anxious and feeling werid all night until I decided to drink to calm myself down to see if it would work and it did. I woke up the next morning feeling fine, but then randomly at some point in the day the dread feeling hit me again, like I was scared I was going to go crazy. It eventually wore off and yesterday I woke up feeling good most of the day, but when I got back to my apartment after class I felt so scared and thatthe walls were closing in on me. I'm confusted because I feel like I have all these symptoms from different I feel hopeless that it won't end, but I don't have sleeping problems or want to cry. I'm having alot of trouble concentrating and don't want to go to school or see my boyfreind, but I am petrified to be alone and feel trapped in my apartment. I don't hear or see things that aren't there, but I have this constant fear of something I can't name. I'm anxious all the time, but am not getting the physical symptoms that I usually do when I'm panicking. It's like it's all in my head and I'm freaking out that I'm having a mental breakdown and I will snap and do something crazy, even though I don't think about harming someone else or myself. It's like I want to jump out of my skin and run away, but I'm frozen in place. I have responsibilities and not being able to make myself do them is making me more stressed out. I still eat, even though my stomach hurts all the time from being nervous. I'm taking xanax and that helps me, right now I am calm. I'm seeking out professional help because I can see this starting to debilatate my life. It's just so all over the place, I don't know what to do. I'm not manic or irritable, but my feelings shift from feeling calm to extremely anxious in minutes several times an hour. Has anyone ever experienced this?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42501
   Posted 3/15/2011 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and welcome to the forum. I must state that alcohol causes depression, so that could be your feeling of dread. But I am happy that you are seeking help. That is the first step and a wise one. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

I am glad that you have joined the forum. This is a good place with many compassionate members. I wish for you a good day. Also we have an anxiety and panic forum if you feel you need help there.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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