I've lost so much of myself...no clue on how to pick up the pieces

we talk everyday, texting, and I act like I'm fine. Every now and then I breakdown but he doesnt seem to understand that I can't let it go. I cant move on from all that he's done and I cant love him as much as I used to nor will I ever trust him again. Not because I can't, I don't want to. I feel that he's still cheating but to be honest, I don't care anymore.

Hi, BipolarMe3,

Your description of your husband's personality sounds very much like
that of the psychopath (or sociopath). Please go online to the Hare
Checklist for Psychopathy and read more about that personality and
what it is like and can do. Unfortunately, there is no cure for that
disorder, and the individual doesn't benefit from psychotherapy.

If I were in your shoes, I would seriously consider talking to a
psychiatrist about your living situation and determine whether it is worth your continued effort to support and sustain a marriage in which your partner will never change his behavior. They never do, you know,
and they will take advantage of every opportunity to satisfy themselves at the expense of anyone or anything around them. Their lifestyle is parasitic.

Those are two very discouraging paragraphs, I realize, but it's best to face the truth as you are doing than to simmer in an unhappy marriage.

Those who tell you that it's your decision are exactly right. You owe it to yourself and your children to learn if this man is really capable of being a truthful and faithful person. Your and the childrens' well-being should come first from now on, in my view.

Your being happy is so important for the children, as well.

Please get to the bottom of your situation with help from professional
people who know all about your husband's difficulties. They may lead you into a wonderful new life for the children and you.

Take care; let us know what you decide to do and how things fare in the future.

Good wishes,

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 3/21/2011 10:52:04 AM (GMT-6)

He always said divorce is not an option. I know I've said it to because I really don't believe in divorce. My parents got divorced and it really messed me up as a child. I did look up the checklist for psychopathy and, It's Genetic, you were right. He has ALL of the sure signs...and so does my mother which explains why my relationship is so similar with them and why they can't stand each other. My mom did these very same things to my Dad that my husband has done to me. And they both somehow make themselves out to be the victims. In the beginning I tried to leave him plenty of times and he always had this "if I can't have you, no1 can" mentality. He was very abusive in everyway to many of his exs which I didn't find out until after we were married. He then put his hands on me. Punched me right in my face after trying to choke the life out of me. I tried to defend myself and just kept slapping him in the face so he punched me and then let me go. The look in his eyes was so cold. I didn't even realize I was bleeding. I wasn't in pain i was in shock that the man who vowed to protect me and love me just hit me. Not only that but he didn't care, he said those very words when I told him I was bleeding, " I DON'T GIVE A ****!" So, seeing as how he didn't care that he hit me, I didn't care if he spent a few nights behind bars. To this day he still says that I was the one that was wrong because there was no need for police and I blew it out of porportion and made it bigger than what it was. But he started the whole thing and yes, I'm not perfect. I'm a fighter when I know I'm being threatened I wont back down unless my children are around or I'm pregnant (he's attacked me b4 while pregnant in every pregnancy). He seems different now but then again we aren't in the same state so it's easy to appear to be better from a distance. He can't physically hurt me when he's 100s of miles away. And it wont hurt when he cheats cuz I don't care anymore. He sees that change in me. He knows he messed up 100s of times. I don't know, I just don't know anything anymore other than I want to be happy and I want my children happy. I'm always angry now and always crying. I'm distant from my children cause i don't want them to see me like this. They know i'm hurting. My oldest sneaks in the room when i'm crying just to hold me and tell me it's ok. She doesn't talk much so it's amazing to me when she pats me on my back and tells me I'm a good Mom. My kids keep me as happy as I can be right now

You truly have my sympathy, BipolarMe3,

Your children are suffering now with you. I hope so that you will
take your courage to a medical specialist and see that you can free
yourself and your children from the current environment. Your
psychiatrist may be able to stabilize your emotions so well that you
feel you must change your life for the sake not only of yourself but
for your children, as well.

Getting By is right. There is legal help for you. More than once in
my opinion you have been in a position to have him incarcerated. No
man in his right mind hits a pregnant woman. That's grounds for the
"slammer", no questions asked.

Take very good care of yourself and seek help, please.

You keep posting when you need an outlet.  In the meantime, I would

like to suggest that you look up some sites online that help victims of a psychopath to know how to be willing to get out or make the changes necessary to recover from exposure to a psychopath.  Frankly, these people are tyrants and need to be brought back into control by trained medical personnel who might have a modicum of influence in their behavior, although I suspect that prison is the only thing that will

ultimately deter this personality type from destructiveness.  You are

suffering from a post-traumatic stress syndrome, and it won't go away until some changes are made, in my view; but I'm not a doctor and you need professional help to recover from the stress, I think.

I'm going to say a prayer for you.  Keep us aware of how you are

working on recovery.  It's one step at a time, as they say here.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 3/20/2011 3:15:53 PM (GMT-6)

As I said before, there are resources. You can get free legal help to get a divorce, then you can get child support and alimony. The thing that hurts in a divorce is the seperation of parents. That has already happened. You can get counseling that is free through the state. Like Genetic said, go online and look things up. Learn from the internet. You need to be free of the fear that this man has caused you. You never deserved to be treated the way that you were. You were right to call the police when you did. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. No one person has that right. I can't post anymore, I have to go. Just know that we are here for you and will help you as much as we can. Just have to do some research.

Hugs, Karen

Thank u all for ur help and God bless u all.

I thank you all so very much. I'm now getting the help that I need and I can say that I'm seeing some improvement. I'm seeking counseling as well as meds to balance me out. My husband has come to his senses and realized his mistakes and his loss (me and our children) he is no longer threatening me and hasn't since Christmas or New Year's.

wishing you all best as well. jamie. keep strong.