welcome to Healingwell. Depression is a hard illness to understand but you've come to the right place to where people can relate to what you are feeling. Keep posting and venting your feelings. It does help.
What confused you the most?
"It is not easy to live life sometimes and face the world with a smile when you're crying inside. It takes a lot of courage to reach down inside yourself, hold on to that strength that's still there, and know that tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities. But if you can hold on long enough to see this through, you'll come out a new person - stonger, with more understanding and with new pride in yourself from knowing you made it" Kathy Obara