anyone out there ?

 Hi, Im writing again because I've read some of the posts on this site and feel that I should tell a little about myself. As I look back it is becoming clear that I have been depressed in 1 form or another since highschool. As a child my mother was very abussive physically and mentally. I was told everyday tha I was fat ugle and stupid. I turned to drugs sex and booze to mask that pain. The more recent problems have been as follows. My boyfriend of 5 years was removed from the house for domestic violence. I was left with 3 kids to raise on my own with rent adn house hold bills to pay and me jobless. I could not see or talk to him and it was in november. Court was dragged over 3 1/2 months so i had to go threw thanksgiving xmas and my oldest sons b-day without him. Becuase of the severity of my depression I am unable to work so now i have to be on welfare. A very close friend desided to die. she had M.S. and was being kept alive by feeding and breathing tubes and had enough of living like that and pulled the tubes. my mom had a heart attack (she is ok) I was the only child who could help her. and now I'm going threw my little princess is almost totally deaf in 1 ear. My head just runs all day and night. I cant get to sleep no matter how tired I am.I would really like to just talk to other people who understand what I am going threw. Is there anyone out there? PLease write back.

sherrieday,

so sorry that you are having such a storm in life right now. I wish I could say I know what you are going through, but each of us have different challenges to face in life. My challenge is a life long chronic illness and it drains me completely some times. I am here any time yo need me. Email or IM are always on. Good luck in facing these challenges.

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We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

I can see how you can't sleep. For me, when I have bills or too many things scheduled in one day I can't sleep. I try to tell myself, well if things get bad and me and my kids end up in a homeless shelter at least we'd still have a roof over our head, but it sucks to think that could possibly happen! When asking for help, I've noticed lately that it helps when I don't try to put on so much of a front like everything is ok. I live with my mom who is mentally abusive (its a house, though) and she's always played down all of my hardships, so for the longest time I thought if I really told people how I was feeling they'd think I was fake or overly-dramatic. But I'm really figuring out asking for things increases your likelihood of getting it, whether it be mental support, or whatever. Put your story out there, if you have no friends try to find a counselor or some state-supported mental health services. Don't worry about sounding too dramatic to others or like you're whining. I'm sure counselors hear people complainning about things that are pretty minute. Ever watch a reality show and hear people complaining about the silliest things? Well if these silly situations can bring them to tears and breakdowns,and if they can do it on national tv, what's wrong with you putting your story out there so someone can help you instead?
Also I had an abusive relationship before, I came to find out I have problems with co-dependency. I put up with a lot that I'm embarrassed to admit to anyone to this day. Do you have a problem with that too?
Like everyone in here says we all struggle with things, I hope maybe I gave you some usable advice.

thank you for taking the time to write. Lately my anxiaty level is so high I feel like I want to scream, slow the world down, or just go hide in a dark corner. I can do none of the above because i have 3 wonderfull kids that depend on me. If it wasn't for my kids I would most likely be in a hospital right now. I am deffinatly a co-dependent. It use to be booze then i moved on to depending on my boyfriend and now it is my kids.I wake up every day wondering what will happen. will i cry today.will i have a panic attack. what disaster will hit today.when will i find the real me? I dont know where the real me left. Do you know what i mean. who am i and when was i not depressed? its very scary to me. I also dont understand this depression. Is it in my head or chemical?I'm pretty confused about what depression is. I only know that it hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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_^Sherrie

sherriedav! in this post it is so much clearer what you are runing through, and may i say GOD be with you as what your running through not many can withstand all of it and keep it toghether.

looking at your post here, i can definantly feel your deppresion is comming from high Stress and Presures.. 3 kids can be a lot to deal with for any person. people handle that difirently than others.

are you on any medication? cause you might need some for your fight against deppresion.

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                                                     To be or not to Be

I can relate, not to your specific circumstances, but to the feelings that you have when you are hit with one crisis after another.  I also have had the thought, "Who was I before all of these things went wrong & how can I get back to being that person?"  I'm sending you a ((hug)) because I know how much it hurts. 

I am also wondering if you've tried medication.  It's not a cure-all but it can help you to feel less low & give you more of a boost (energy).  Have you seen a therapist or tried group therapy?

What I'm doing now is individual therapy & medication.  I'm trying to find a way to take "baby steps" by doing small things for myself that make me feel productive or lift my mood.  Most of the time, I just want to stay in bed, but I try not to let myself do that.  I just asked a friend to take a dance class with me, just for the experience.  To let something new into my life, besides all of the problems.  Talking to friends helps a lot, too.  I'm a person who never really did that, always relied on myself & avoided others if my life wasn't going well.  But I've learned how much it can help to admit you are depressed & need to talk.  To allow others in (as long as they are trustworthy people).

I hope some of this helps you. 

i HAVE BEEN ON LEXIPRO SINCE DEC. i THING OR MAYBE JAN. I DONT HAVE A VERY CLEAR MEMORY ANYMORE. i AM ALSO ON LORAZAPAM AS NEEDED FOR ANXIETIES. i SEE A COUNCELOR ONCE A WEEK AND FEEL THAT IT IS GOING WELL JUST SOME TIMES i GET SO OVERWELMED AND VERY ANXIOSE. THE LEXIPRO ISNT WORKING RIGHT AND I SEE THE DR. FOR THAT THIS THURS. tHERE IS SO MUCH MORE GOING ON THAT I CANT REMEMBER IT ALL IN 1 SITTING. (IS THAT AWFULL OR WHAT!!) I REALLY AM HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO VENT TO PEOPLE WHO KNOW SOME OF THE FEELINGS I AM GOING THROUGH. mY EXBOY FRIEND TRIES TO HELP BUT ADMITS HE DOESN'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT DEPRESSION TO BE MUCH HELP.

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_^Sherrie

sherriedav,

i'm on medication too not on lexapro, i used effexor and zeldox. and even though i am ok most of the time i still have times where i feel down or very anxius and i can't control it either... last night i spent 4 hours to fal asleep in the bed , and woke up so dizzy and with headakes it was terrible :( but somehow i managed to get up to work and it does seem like a good day , i'm not happy but i'm coping . the key is to not give up :)

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                                                     To be or not to Be

i am on medication also ..effexor and wellbuterin..I am depressed because my wife and my mother died..so the cause of my depression may be different than yours...I thi k youneed to slove your problems first...get a job, file for bankruptcy, etc..to get those bills off of you...then deal with your other problems through counselling and medication...Those of you still having problems while on meds maybe should talk to your doctor about adjusting the dosages or changing meds altogether...I wish you well...

Sherrie,