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HACCHU
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/27/2011 1:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi,

I've been contemplating for the longest time if I should post this but I feel so shattered, I hope someone will be able to advise me.

I come from a very conservative Asian family. I've a great family (my parents, an elder sis and younger brother) and I know I'm blessed to have them. My upbringing is strictly one of 'no-nonsense is entertained' and where family ties are valued much higher than anything else. I love my dad, who works hard to provide for my family the best he can. He is rarely home as he works a few jobs and it takes up most of his time. Even then, he does not fail to spend time with us, which ever way he could. In other words, I place him right next to God. I love him more than anyone else.

My mom is a housewife (I love her, she's a great mom) and she is uneducated. A really weak woman, she breaks down at the faintest problem. One of the reasons being, she has a weak heart and is prone to attacks occasionally. I've always been worried about her. Basically, we are a happy family.

Just a few days before, I happened to come across a few nude pictures of my closest Aunt (I've looked up to her as my second mother!) in my dad's hand phone. I can't even begin to say how upset I am or how this has been affecting me. I've a million questions racing through my mind. Is this a bad dream? How could my Aunt ever consent into doing anything bad? How could they not think about my Mother? I've no definite answers as to what is happening between them and I don't know if I ever want to know. I feel betrayed that the person I love the most could this. Until today, I find it really hard to believe that I saw those pictures. It just doesn't seem like my Dad is capable of such things.

I know I can never break this to my mother. She's too weak to handle this. Everyday, I look at her and this pain hits me.

Are they really having an affair?
Should I confide in my siblings?
Would confiding in them break up my happy family?
Should I just continue to pretend like nothing happened?
Should I investigate and find out the truth myself?

Please help me. Thank you for hearing me out :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 3/27/2011 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh Boy,

I am so sorry that you saw that. You must feel horrible. Maybe you should talk to your dad about it. It would crush your mother, I am sure. I don't know if I would tell anybody else quite yet, maybe your older sibling. Then the two of you could talk to your dad together. This must be so hard for you. Know that your dad still loves you and probably still loves your mother. Try not to get angry at him just yet, though it would be hard not to be. I can't believe that he would leave the pics on the phone. That wasn't too smart on his part. I hope that others come along with some advice better than mine.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/27/2011 5:51 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry as this must be devestating to you.  Politely talking to your dad might be a good idea but you have to make sure that you express your feelings the right way. Don't mention your mother in your plea and focus on letting him know how you felt when you saw the pictures.
 
Trust me on this. On the surface, your Dad  may look contented or not bothered, but deep down I suspect he may be miserable.
It's a creepy life sneaking behind your family/loved ones for away games.
That said, there must have been a void in his family life that he thought would be or expecting to be filled by this extra-marital affair.
 
Try to remember you are not responsible for your Father's behavior. 
 
Please do keep us posted.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

HACCHU
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/28/2011 3:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Karen and Kitt for your kind words :)

I can't seem to bring myself to talk to my Dad about this. I come from a really conservative family. There are certain things that we won't dare to breathe a word about. It's like a taboo. E.g. sex, having a bf/gf, we aren't allowed to come home after 12pm and there is no such thing as negotiation. That is how strict the upbringing is but we grew up with it, so it doesn't seem bad to us. My Dad always has the final say and we have to listen to him, like it or not. There are certain things we won't even dare to talk to him about and we will ask my Mom to ask him instead. That's how things work in here. I really can't put myself in those shoes of talking to him about something that's considered a taboo! But he is a great Father and I've loved him sooooo much :(

And I can't accept the fact that it's my close Aunt! I've grown up looking up to her as my second mother. She is so close to my family. I think I will be able to come to terms with it, maybe, if it's a stranger but my Aunt, hell NO!

Is there anything else I can do?? Should I find out the truth myself ??

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 3/28/2011 9:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Maybe you could talk to your Aunt. I am afraid of the reprocussions of what would happen if you brought this all to light. Your mother would be devastated. I am not sure though because I don't know if she knows or not. But sometimes not knowing is the best. Take thid one day at a time, then see what happens. When you don't know what to do, do nothing. That is the wisdom of my grandmother. lol... It always worked for me. I think you know enough about the situation. I don't know why you would want to know more. It is pretty self explanatory sweetie. Don't bring hurt onto yourself.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

HACCHU
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/30/2011 1:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Karen, you suggest I should just ignore whatever that's happening? Just leave it and see what comes out of it? Thanks for hearing me out! I feel better being able to talk to someone here.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 3/30/2011 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
I really don't know what to think, but it sounds as if your mother would really be hurt. Unless you are up to dealing with everything that has happened, ... I don't know. I think it would be a lot to handle. Maybe take it one day at a time, see what happens. Do you think it would do you any good to talk to your aunt about it? The one who the photos are of? Just to give yourself some closure. Evidently something is going on. So you know that much. Your mother may even know something too and you don't know it. It is so hard to say. Study it for awhile and then determine if it is worth it.

I hope that you can sort things out so that you feel okay about things. Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

HACCHU
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/1/2011 10:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I bet my mom doesn't know anything about this or else she won't be what she is now. I'm really in a dilemma, totally lost about my next move. I hope things works out too. Thanks Karen
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