You are here because you need someone to talk to, someone to listen. You will get support here. I guess there is no point in lecturing you about
alcohol, and mixing with meds is extra bad. I hope you get to the point where you can stop drinking so much or at all and find a reason and purpose to go on as happily as you can. Depression is different for everyone, in how it makes you feel and how you react to it.
I hope things get much better for you real soon. Please take extra good care of yoursel right now.