Hi there Needsomehelp,
Welcome to the forum.
There is so much you can change about your life right now so that you will feel better about yourself. Do you go to any counseling for your self esteem? I think that would be a good place to start. Try to remember that you are not a bad person. Bad things have happened to you I know, but that doesn't reflect on who you are.
Try to join some activities so that you are tempted to hang around that people that you have been. That is if you want to change. It is up to you. Really we can't blame it on the croud, it is up to us what we do ourselves. But changing that can help. We aren't so tempted to do the wrong things.
We are not suppose to discuss illegal drugs or suicide on this forum. I just wanted you to know that. So I try to skate around it and hope that you still know what I am talking about.
I highly recommend counseling for you. You sound like you are at a standstill and I think it would help you to move forward.
Take care, keep posting.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies