New person need help...

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bippu806
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/31/2011 12:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone... I'm new to this and I would really like some help and advice.... I went through a recent break up with the mother of my child... It's been over 2 weeks and I feel so lost without being to call her mine... I talked to her today telling her how bad I wanted to get back with her but she made it under one condition..... If I changed... But she said she couldn't make any promises.... I was shocked and very hurt about it.... It made me think that she could have someone else but I'm the only person that's not allowed to know so I'm in a very depressed mood..... cry

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 3/31/2011 7:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and welcome to the forum. It doesn't sound like she has anybody else, but I don't know. It sounds like she wants you to change something in the way that you are. Would you want to elaborate on that? What is it about you that she wants you to change???

Keep posting and know that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 3/31/2011 2:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree, it doesn't sound like she would have someone else if she is willing to maybe give you a chance to change, but i guess its what she wants to change about you. I never understood why people think that they can "change" other people, or people can "change" who they are. Granted you can stop harmful behavior but you really can never change who you are. Hopefully she just wants to change something in your behavior. keep us posted, hope things work out for you
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

with your past and your future precisely divided, Am I at that moment?. . I haven't decided.

bippu806
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/1/2011 12:34 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry for the delay.... She pulled off a public stunt that completely humiliated me on facebook causing very many people to side with her and hate me..... Everyone thought I was threatening to hit her but it's not me.... I can't strike a female no matter how bad a situation got.... But anyway I use to accuse her of seeing or talking other guys.... Recently she told me she had thought about seeing herself with other men every now and then and I was even more hurt to hear about it.... I will admit that I get jealous very easily when she talks to other guys..... She wants me to change the accusations and jealousy but I can't help getting completely worried about something happening and her not being faithful.... She has many guy friends who tend to be in love with her who seem to try and compete with me to win her over.... I've been going crazy since she had called it off with me.... I don't know what to do and I've been hurting very badly emotionally lately..... But over the times I got use to not doing it.... So now.... I don't know how I can handle this and try to change without going back to those ways...
 
Sorry, no talk of self harm....  Karen...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/1/2011 5:34:17 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 4/1/2011 5:35 AM (GMT -6)   
bippu806,

I am sorry but we aren't alloweed to discuss self harm. I think you need to talk to a counselor about that.

When there is no trust in a relationship, there is no relationship. If you can't trust her, she's not worth it. If you are just being jealous, stop before the relationship is ruined.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 4/1/2011 6:25 AM (GMT -6)   
What a great post,  Karen!

"There is no relationship where there is no trust." It takes growing up
to become independent oneself before it's possible to really be able to have an enduring relationship that is filled with trust. I mean both people have to be mature before jealousy can fly out the window (as well as passion and have friendship walk in at the door).

If young people could only recognize that and not worry themselves sick over others and care for themselves, maybe the emotions would be a little more stable. Problem is it's so hard for youngsters to do that. What's the expression, "it takes a lot of living to make a home"?

St. Paul's description of what real love is probably says it best. Everyone should read that for an understanding of what it is to really love someone. Obviously, you know what it is, Karen. I think many on the forum know, also.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 4/1/2011 6:35:10 AM (GMT-6)


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 4/1/2011 6:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Get off Facebook! Who cares what people think that do not even know you or all the facts about your situation? Do something, ask her what it is specifically you need to change. Personally, someone that would humiliate you like that, I mean what good can come from that? Ask yourself some hard questions, look for the answers, give her time.....time does have a way of working things out.

Hope today is a better day for you.

Gem

bippu806
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/1/2011 10:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, if I can ask for help to get over this jealousy and trust issue I would appreciate that... Those are the 2 main things that lead me to depression just causing me to mope around for weeks.... My jealousy tends to make me question her about everything like what she's doing, where she's been, if our son is with her, if there are any guys around.... I wanna change but I can't help those things and I'm not only doing it for her.... My son is also the biggest reason.... As a child I've seen my parents go through divorce and it's the last thing I want for him....

Post Edited (bippu806) : 4/1/2011 11:06:52 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 4/1/2011 1:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Jealousy can be gotten rid of. But you have to change your attitude in the situation. You have to tell yourself, if she is yours, she is yours. If not, oh well. I went with a guy that liked to make me jealous. It makes you very insecure. That gives people an advantage. And you a disadvantage. I finally told myself that if it is meant to be, it will. And that I didn't care anymore. Then the jealousy went away and I could see the situation for what it was. But in all honesty, you need to work on your self esteem. Once you acheive that, then the insecurities and jealousy will go away. Talking to a counselor would help you a lot.  Trust is very important in this.  If you don't trust her, you can't have a happy fullfilling relationship. 

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

It's Genetic
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 4/1/2011 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Bippu806,

Try going to a site on the web called jealousyinrelationships.com

You will find some information there as well as leads to other sources for managing jealousy.

Good wishes,

It's Genetic

bippu806
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/2/2011 4:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Another thing is that sometimes I get these bad feelings and they usually come true... I had a feeling that she was out with a good friend of mine when she didn't tell me.... I didn't know what was going on but I kept getting a bad feeling about the whole thing..... And when I'm talking to her on the phone, she would be texting someone else and lie to me about it... When I look through her phone it turns out she was....

Post Edited (bippu806) : 4/2/2011 4:24:19 AM (GMT-6)


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 4/2/2011 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Obviously she is untrustworthy, that is why you get those feelings. Your "gut" is trying to tell you something. Don't you deserve better?

Gem
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